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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


My deepest sympaties are with you. My baby boy Patrick died at birth a little over a year ago in Jan. 05. It was a devestating shock and I am not the same person in many ways. I went through a rough first few months and did need to seek some help for depression. I finally became determined that I would try again and began preparing myself physically and mentally. I also went to a specialist for a pre-conceptual consultation to discuss what happened and my risks of it happening again. I am pregnant again and am at 19 weeks. The joy of being pregnant has definetly eased the pain of my loss but also brings its own anxieties. Of course, I still am waiting to see if I will ever hold a live child in my arms.

It is good you have someone you know that can relate to you. continue to seek support from those who understand. YOur husband may not be ready to discuss trying again so save that conversation for a little while. Men and women grieve different. But do express your hopes and concerns to others who will reassure you. I think it was the hope of getting pregnant again that carried me through. I never lost sight of my goal, which was to try again. I tried to visualize myself in the future, telling people, "Guess what I'm pregnant again."

I didn't clean the clothes and left the little blood stains right where they were and keep them in a keepsake box. Right after his death I did set up a memorial in his room for anyone who came by and for myself. It contained his ashes, scrapbook, my favorite outfits and blankets, stuffed animals and other things special for my baby. I kept it up about 3 months. Now, It has been reduced to a shelf, but his ashes are still with me. I feel like I can't bring myself to scatter them just yet, as I originally planned and that he is still in our home with us.

I wish you healing and best wishes for the future. Just know that you are not alone in your pain and many others have gone through this and survived. I never thought I would make it at the time but I have healed tremendously and you will too. Hold onto hope. And most importantly, do what you can to find answers medically speaking. Finding some answers will help you heal and prepare for next time in an educated way.

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