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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

Hannah Grace is such a beautiful name. I'm sure she was a beautiful baby. I'm so sorry you are having to suffer through such a terrible loss.

My story is almost identical to yours. My water broke at twenty weeks also. My son was nine and a half inches long and 9.4 ounces. I understand what you mean. I know I'm not the same as I was before my son died. My life is divided into before and after J died. It's been a year, three months, and eleven days. Even though it does not seem like it, time will make the pain not quite so bad as it is now. I am typing this without bawling, which would never have happened even six months ago.

Don't feel guilty the first time you laugh at a silly movie on tv, or enjoy something you used to. It's easier to say that than do it, I know since I felt guilty when I finally started "waking up" to my life. If you don't ever "wake up" though, get some help.

Do something as a keepsake for yourself. I bought a birthstone ring for my son and I wear it every day. Somehow having a little reminder of him with me always helps on the bad days. I made copies of the pictures taken at the hospital and put them in a scrapbook and carry it with me in the car. When I first got home from the hospital, I wouldn't leave the pictures at home for fear something would happen to them until I made copies and left a set in the safe deposit box, at my parents, and in another part of the house from the originals.

As for trying again, don't rush before your doctor says you can. My husband didn't grieve as much outwardly as I did, but I think his not wanting to try for many months afterward was part of his grieving. Give your husband time also.

Best wishes and prayers for you. We've never met, but our babies are playing together in heaven. :angel:

My deepest sympaties are with you. My baby boy Patrick died at birth a little over a year ago in Jan. 05. It was a devestating shock and I am not the same person in many ways. I went through a rough first few months and did need to seek some help for depression. I finally became determined that I would try again and began preparing myself physically and mentally. I also went to a specialist for a pre-conceptual consultation to discuss what happened and my risks of it happening again. I am pregnant again and am at 19 weeks. The joy of being pregnant has definetly eased the pain of my loss but also brings its own anxieties. Of course, I still am waiting to see if I will ever hold a live child in my arms.

It is good you have someone you know that can relate to you. continue to seek support from those who understand. YOur husband may not be ready to discuss trying again so save that conversation for a little while. Men and women grieve different. But do express your hopes and concerns to others who will reassure you. I think it was the hope of getting pregnant again that carried me through. I never lost sight of my goal, which was to try again. I tried to visualize myself in the future, telling people, "Guess what I'm pregnant again."

I didn't clean the clothes and left the little blood stains right where they were and keep them in a keepsake box. Right after his death I did set up a memorial in his room for anyone who came by and for myself. It contained his ashes, scrapbook, my favorite outfits and blankets, stuffed animals and other things special for my baby. I kept it up about 3 months. Now, It has been reduced to a shelf, but his ashes are still with me. I feel like I can't bring myself to scatter them just yet, as I originally planned and that he is still in our home with us.

I wish you healing and best wishes for the future. Just know that you are not alone in your pain and many others have gone through this and survived. I never thought I would make it at the time but I have healed tremendously and you will too. Hold onto hope. And most importantly, do what you can to find answers medically speaking. Finding some answers will help you heal and prepare for next time in an educated way.

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