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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Hi everyone,

First post here as i'm a newby so i'm not sure how to really explain my experience very clearly, but i'll do my best so that you should get a pretty uncomplicated idea of what happened and maybe be able to share some of your knowledge with me.

So on Saturday the 9th Dec 2006 i was 17 wks pregnant (1st pregnancy) and had had no worrying bleeding (except light spotting at 4 & 8 wks which the DR put down to implantation bleeding, as it was brownish in colour and considered old blood that may have just broken away from the uterus wall as the baby was implanting into the womb).

I woke at 4:30am when i felt a quick warm gush (very much like someone tipping a bucket of water on your crutch)..... definately didn't feel like a trickle, although i was asleep, however i am a light sleeper & usually know when i need to go to the toilet during the night.

So i jumped out of bed (at this stage thinking i had wet the bed) & went to the toilet and did a normal wee, which i thought was a bit strange, considering i had just wet the bed, but i just put it down to the baby possibly putting pressure on my bladder and me leaking a little bit. I then had a shower & when i was drying myself i noticed a drop of blood at my feet. I then wiped with toilet paper and there was a bit more (but a brownish colour), so i put a sanitary pad in my underwear and tried to go back to sleep, but i was still confused at the bed wetting thing. I tried not to worry too much about the bleeding at this point, cos as i mentioned earlier in my post, i had spotting early on in my pregnancy & was told that some ppl go their entire pregnancy with spotting & that given the times of my bleeds, i was probably only spotting when i would have normally gotten a period, so i didn't stress too much about it. Also it was brownish so i though it was not an issue unless it was red!

Anyhow..... this is going to go on for a while, so i hope you are all into reading short novels, as i'm a bit of a blabber queen and i tend to really describe everything in detail, so sorry if i frustrate any of you.... although i'm sure you're all very happy to help & also just read :yawn:

So when i woke in the morning (Keeping in mind that i had had no cramps or anything following my bleeding) my pad had quite a bit of blood on it but it looked watered down and still a more browny colour and this is when it occurred to me that i may not have wet my bed, and that it could have actually been my waters breaking. SO i called the emergency centre & they called me in to listen for a heartbeat... & although the nurse said she thought she got a very quick listen to the heartbeat of the baby.... i wasn't convinced! Mothers instinct i guess!!! She said that i either have a very active bowel or a very athletic baby, as she thought it was moving around in there, not staying still and that's why she couldn't locate the heartbeat for a long period of time! She shouldn't have said anything really, cos she raised my hopes a little, although i did suspect something untoward was happening.

So from here she told me she'd contact my obstetrician and ask him if there was anything else she could do for me before she sent me home, and because there were 2 other patients that had the same obstetrician as me, he came in & did a scan with the screen (which apparently the nurses weren't qualified to use or something). This is when he said there was not much fluid around my baby and that it looked as though the sac had collapsed. I was devastated.... but sooo numb i couldn't cry! I just kept looking at his facial expression while he was looking at the screen, cos he hadn't actually said in that many words that my baby had died, but i could tell it had and i knew that without the sac with the fluid, my baby couldn't survive even if there was a heartbeat.

He then told me gently that there was an absent heartbeat & that my baby was in fact dead and that she (we found out following the examination after my D&C) didn't appear to be the normal size of a baby at 17 weeks, therefore he was quite sure that she had actually died a couple (4, maybe 5) wks ago, shortly after my 12 week NT scan (scan for down's syndrome).

I was then referred to a better equipped hospital (about an hours drive) for a D&C. When we arrived there i passed something as we were walking in the hospital doors and i knew it was my baby, so i asked to go straight through to a toilet, where i removed the baby from my underwear & placed her in a container. I didn't really look at her as such..... didn't examine her if you know what i mean, so when i gave the container to the nurse, i was still quite shocked & although i could make out that it was my baby.... i didn't actually take notice of her arms and legs (only her body & head). So as you can imagine i was a little dazed by this & feeling quite icky to say the least :eek:

Long story short... or as short as i can cut without depriving you guys of a good insight...... my husband & i decided to view the baby's body to give us some closure & also cos i was asking questions about whether she had legs & arms. So they brought her in (in a little tiny basket with a blanket), and gave us some time with her. At this stage we didn't know her sex tho.... we actually thought it was a boy which is quite sad, as we kind of said our goodbye's to her as tho she was a boy and that hurts!!! Saying goodbye helped tho..... & the fact that i could see her perfect fingers & toes and that she actually did have legs & arms & facial features was comforting!!! I would have refretted not viewing her, as i would have only had that one image in my head, of when i put her in the container in the toilet cubicle.

So to finish off, (i don't know how ppl can keep a post to 5 or 6 lines, cos i'm writing a novel here), i had a D&C to remove the other products of conception (which was my placenta & a blood clot) and was sent home the following morning as the operation went fine!

Now for my questions tho.... i've been festering all week trying to determine why (when the baby is thought to have died at 13 weeks gestation), did i not get any bleeding until 17 weeks? And also why i didn't get any cramping or other signs of miscarriage (not that i'm complaining as my heart goes out to those who have had painful miscarriages). I'm so confused as the only time that i can remember having bad cramps (so bad in fact, that i had to clutch my lower tummy and was in quite a bit of pain in bed), was at 15 weeks.... but thought it was indigestion as it started after my evening meal and was quite high up in my chest initially & moved down lower as the night progressed, and it wasn't until my last 2 weeks (from 15-17 wks) that i started showing/growing.

Not sure why i didn't seek doctors help when i got my cramps, but i did not see any concern as there was no bleeding or anything else to suggest i was miscarrying and also the pain was gone by the next morning anyway. Has anyone else experienced this (having no cramps/minor cramps & no bleeding initially???) Also has anyone else experienced their waters breaking that long after the death of their baby.....(Somewhere around 4-5 wks after???) Also, i'm confused at how my baby could have died at 13 wks without my body recognising this and giving some kind of sign. I carried my dead baby inside me for 4 or 5 wks thinking she was fine.... waiting so eagerly for my next scan to see how big she had gotten..... and then this!!!

I can't understand why my sac was still growing, without my baby being alive..... but the only thing i can think of, is that my body didn't regognise this straight away & it wasn't until my sac recognised that there wasn't a baby big enough to accomodate it..... that it decided to terminate and abort my pregnancy (and this is when my waters broke.... when i thought i'd wet the bed)! Not too sure tho..... i might sound clued on at the moment, but i'm really just numb & although i sound as though i might be onto something with that thought, i've just had time to think & it's basically all that's been running through my head for the past 7 days. :yawn:

I will finish now though, as you're probably all asleep anyhow, but i do hope that this post has helped some of you & that some can relate to it & also i hope that some of you can give me some guidance or some answers in some form :confused:

Thanks for reading/listening and hope to hear from you all soon :wave:
Hi jo905,

Thanks for your kind words & advice & also sorry to hear about your losses also!

Sorry it's taken me a little while to reply, however i had a great response to my post & wanted to reply to all who wrote me individually :) It's actually harder than i thought to reply to everyone, as i feel as though i'm not keeping up with them, however.... Guys if you're reading this..... i am getting to you!!! I haven't forgotten :dizzy:

I hadn't yet felt my baby move, as this was my first pregnancy & they say you may not feel any movement with your first up until about 19 or 20 weeks anyway, so i was quite upset about that, as that could have been a good indicator for me when my baby did die. Like you said though.... it's very possible that they do shrink after they die, cos i know my DR told me that mine appeared to have shrunk a little bit from his view on the ultrasound screen, but he was basically saying that it had died earlier (at approx 13 weeks) and had probably shrunk over time as it began to break down. I saw her after i'd passed her though & she didn't look as though she'd been dead for 4 or 5 weeks..... & i questioned with my doctor whether the amniotic fluid (which had only burst the day of her birth), would keep them somewhat preserved, & he said that inside the womb, babies decompose & breakdown at a different rate to humans that are exposed to the air in the outside world and therefore although she may not have looked quite as though she's been dead for that long.... that it's most likely that she had!!!

The DR also said my baby was even quite small for a baby of 13 weeks, but they allowed for the shrinking & they measure gestation by the baby's foot size which i guess doesn't change much, even if shrinking of the body begins first. Atleast you have a round about idea for yours, but i have only what the DR has told me & i find it sooo hard to believe!

I keep trying to think of things that happened around that 13 week time & whether certain things could have been when my baby was dying! (such as what i thought was just indigestion..... or when i had some stomach discomfort which made me feel like diarrhea was coming on & i ended up vomiting & nothing else.... no diarrhea!) I thought this was just related to the fact that i hadn't eaten much all day & all i had eaten were brazil nuts & a bottle of water.

The weird thing was though, that when i vomited, it was 2 days before my 12 week NT scan when everything appeared fine. However i do wonder whether that was the start of it, because on that last scan at 12 weeks, the doctor couldn't get the baby to wake up so she kept asking me to cough and also asked me to let out more urine in order to wake her up to measure the space behind the baby's neck (for down's syndrome). I did this & when i returned she had woken up but didn't appear happy at all. She was bouncing around in there like she was really agitated!!! I asked if this was normal and whether she can harm herself doing that, and the doctor said they have a lot of cushioning in the womb & the doctor didn't appear to be disturbed or concerned about it.... so i just thought it was normal & put it down to my baby being grumpy that i had woken her :angel:

But in your case.... you're the best judge of whether your baby was still alive cos as you said.... you felt him kicking.... & then 2 days had passed with nothing!!! Sounds as though you're right :)

I finally understand what they mean by missed miscarriage aswell now, as i thought that meant that you miscarried without realising that you're even pregnant.... like an early miss or whatever they call it. I know that on my referral for my D&C the DR had written that i'd had an incomplete miscarriage, (although i hadn't passed any products of conception at the time.... only blood..... & my waters had broken), however this is what was written on there and i've read things since that say that an incomplete miscarriage is when you pass the baby or fetal tissue & have to have a D&C afterwards to remove the other products of conception because they didn't pass with the fetus.

So i hadn't yet passed the baby or any fetal tissue & it was still referred to as an incomplete miscarriage. I guess he knows what he's talking about though & it probably is referred to as that, as it was still not complete when i was referred. Perhaps he didn't write on there that it was a missed miscarriage, as mine wasn't completely missed because i was bleeding and my waters had broken.... which are both huge signs that something is wrong :confused:

I 'll have to check with him at my next appt in a weeks time, as i'm stil unsure, & questions like that still need answering.... even if they seem small in comparison to the rest of what we're dealing with. I mean...... some people will say "A miscarriage is a miscarriage! Does it really matter about the technical side of things". But it does to a lot of us, & it definately weighs on our minds :yawn:

Anyhow... better keep moving. Thanks for your help.... it's been useful!!!

Take care & all the best to you too:wave:
Hey pradasweets1983,

I can totally understand why you didn't plant a tree or something similar for this one, because... as you said "You hadn't done anything for the others yet & didn't want to seem as tho you were favouring her over the others"!!! You'll get around to it one day, & it will help you aswell, knowing which baby each tree represents :)

I chose to see Caitlyn, because i actually passed her naturally in my underwear upon arrival at the hospital & as i was in a bit of shock i only had a quick glimpse (enough to know it was the fetus) before putting her in the container for examination. It was only because i was asking the nurses if she had arms and legs (because they must have been stuck to her body at the time of birth) that they actually asked me if i'd like to see her.

I'm sure they would have asked later on.... but i s'pose i intervened in a way as i was very shocked still & the image i had in my head was quite different to what i had expected!!! So they cleaned her up & placed her in a little tiny basket type thing ontop of some blankets & brought her in..... & to be honest it really did help in the grieving process, as i was able to see her for myself & all of my distressing thoughts on what i thought she looked like where put to rest & we're replaced by the assurance that she was not malformed...... but a perfect little girl with 10 little tiny fingers & 10 little tiny toes :angel:

Did you fully undersand what was involved with a D&C the very first time you were told to have one??? I didn't 100%. I mean.... i knew they were going to remove the baby & the other products of conception using suction (keeping in mind that at the time i was told i needed a D&C, i hadn't yet passed the baby naturally). So, when my DR said to me that, depending on the actual size of my baby i might not be able to have a D&C & may need to be induced & give birth to her.... i was totally against it! I was thinking to myself....."There's no way i'm giving birth to my baby.... it will just torment me even more". I just wanted them to do the D&C so i wouldn't have to be induced!

Since passing Caitlyn naturally though, & having the D&C to remove the remaining products of conception, i found out that when a baby is removed by suction (in a D&C), they are actually very damaged (sorry if this is sounding horrible at all.... but i want other people to know also if they didn't already), & often you are not actually allowed to see your baby because of this reason. So if i'd known that prior to expressing my feelings so strongly about being induced.... i would have definately taken the inducing birth option!!! Purely because i can't stand the thought of my baby being hurt or damaged.... not really because i wanted to see her, cos i didn't know that i would want to see her at that stage!

So as sad as i am that this has happened & for all that i've had to endure.... i am thankful that things happened the way they did, as i was given that chance to say goodbye to my little girl in person and i wasn't one of the unfortunate ones who had to find out what a D&C actually entailed, after the fact!!! Were you told specifically what was involved??? Did your DR tell you the baby would be damaged? (Sorry again if this is too blunt) :confused:

Were you going to find out the sex when it was possible via ultrasound??? We wanted to keep it as a surprise :D

I never really had bad morning sickness :blob_fire Mine was more like just a queazy feeling in the morning & that usually subsided after i had breakfast (sometimes throughout most of the morning & early afternoon.... but often returned around tea time), & tiredness. I was quite tired & as soon as my body would stop, i'd feel physically drained & just want to close my eyes & sleep. But work interferred with that definately.

I run my own family day care business from home & care for about 4 or 5 children a day, so i was constantly on the ball.... until the children's sleep/rest time.... & that is when i'd usually sit down for a rest & just wanna zonk (sleep) :yawn:

I craved some really weird things, banana paddle pops, Hungry Jacks Whopper burgers (Burger King.... as you'd know it) & polish sausage (but as you'd know that's processed meat & pregnant women aren't allowed to eat it). I would try to keep away from the cravings majority of the time, as i didn't want to end up the size of a house.... so i just satisfied them every now & then :D

So many people have different ideas on how to determine the sex of your baby without ultrasound confirmation, but i don't know..... they just vary sooo much & more often than not, the baby comes out the oposite to what everyone expected anyway, so i think if you really want to know in the future.... definately get an ultrasound to tell you, because otherwise if we trust these people who think they have "the gift", then we'll probably be buying all of the wrong coloured clothing & furniture. LOL

Anyhow, we'll talk soon & take care

Have a nice day also :)

Bye xoxoxox :wave:
I'm so sorry to hear you've lost a little one! I also found out at 17wks that my baby had died. I chose to wait two weeks to see if my body would pass the baby on it's own but it didn't happen.

My dr wanted to do a D&E (suction) but I said absolutely not since I wanted to see my baby (I had seen him on ultrasound knew he was about the size of a 14-15 weeker).

I was induced at 19wks and delivered a boy (Asher Nathaniel). We declined the exam and autopsy so that we could take him home and bury him close to us.

I have never regretted seeing my little one either. I have a friend who is a professional photographer and she came and took pictures for us to remember him by (even at that very early age he looked just like my husband).

Less than a year later (and after 2 more early losses) we found that yet another of our babies had died at 13wks. We had heard the heartbeat with the doppler the day before he died (it was 139). I just felt something was wrong so had my midwife listen for the heartbeat the following day and there was nothing; an u/s confirmed it. I again waited two weeks to see if things would start up on their own but they didn't. I was induced at 15wks and delivered another little boy (Joash Paul). We brought him home and buried him next to his brother.

All together we've had 7 losses. It's been a very difficult road since there have been no answers for us. I have had a variety of testing done and it has largely come back normal (I have thyroid antibodies). My dr has theories about why I might have been miscarrying but no definite conclusions.

To offer you some hope, I am now 24wks pg and things seem to be going very well (5 of my losses were since my last full term baby was born; between Nov. 2004 and Dec. 2005...the other two losses were in Aug. 2000 and Aug. 2002). I was put on Prometrium (progesterone supplement) right after I ovulated and stayed on it until 12wks gestation. I'm also on thyroid replacement hormone.

Even with this new baby on the way I ache for my babies we've lost. I've only recently allowed myself to become excited about this pg since I had feared being disappointed again. It's a lot of hurt and sometimes it seems like it'll never stop (I'm not sure if it every does go completely away).

We've decided to plant a rose garden where our babies are buried and a dear friend of mine gave us a beautiful tree to plant in memory of them.

My SIL paints family trees and when she did ours she incorporated the initials of all our "heavenly babies" subtely into the vines. It means a lot to me that she recognized their precious lives (we named even the babies we didn't know the gender of because although we never saw them or held them they are part of us).

My heart is with you! I pray you'll be blessed again soon with a healthy pg and a healthy sweet pea!

Love and Prayers, Kelly





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