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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Hey there,

You are such a brave person & to have been through miscarriage 3 times...... i really don't know how you do it, but to have such a clear goal.... you definately know what you want & i truly hope that you get your healthy baby soon :)

I have also been married to my husband Ashley for 2 years in February, so there's another thing we have in common. I know exactly what you mean about feeling alone & having friends who don't know what to say or do to make us feel better.... but you know.... i just think as long as they're there for us to cry on or just to talk, then that's all we need!

I haven't cried to anyone but my husband & my mum! I cry alone at night when Ash has fallen asleep (just quietly though, under my breath), cos i feel like that's my time to grieve... & usually it only lasts about 10-15 minutes or so & then i'm basically too exhausted & i often cry myself to sleep. I can't seem to cry on my friends shoulders, as i feel for some reason that i need to be strong around them & i can't seem to let that guard down :confused:

Because i only miscarried on the weekend of the 9th Dec, and had my D&C that day, we want to wait for my next normal period in about 4 or 5 weeks before we start trying again.... but yeah, we definately want to try again & this time we hope with all our hearts that we can hold our little baby in our arms when he/she is born (healthy & full-term).

And i can totally relate to the emptiness you feel inside & that longing to be a mother. I feel it now more than ever, and although my first pregnancy was planned through & through, it's not until you lose that baby that you realise quite how much you really want it! Hope you know what i mean.... i'm sure you can relate!

I'm feeling a little better but still have my up & down moments & even hearing certain songs on the radio remind me of her! You know like the ones you hear in the car on the way home from the hospital that make you cry uncontrollably & also the ones that are just sad.
But overall, i'm coping well & i'm just looking to a much more pleasant 2007.

Ash took it pretty much the same as your husband! His face lit up when he saw the baby on the ultrasound screen with her heartbeat etc at 6 wks, 9 wks & 12 wks & then when the doctor told us the news (the morning we went in to the emergency centre), his face just dropped & i could tell he was in pain! But like yours.... he seemed to be more concerned for me! Funny that, how they imidiately put us before they're own feelings.... but sooo sweet :p I couldn't even cry then.... & i didn't want him to hug me cos i knew i would cry & i didn't want to for some reason.... guess i was just in shock. But then when my mum poked her head around the curtain in the hospital, and said "How you going?"...... i just lost it!!! It's amazing how mum's can have that effect on us hey? Haven't really cried with mum again though. Like i said, i find it hard to let that guard down unless it's uncontrollable.

But like you said aswell..... guys seem to deal with it differently & although yours seemed to be over it within a couple of days, i'm sure his pain still exists & still will for a long time yet.... and it will never completely fade, it will just get easier! It's strange that we use the word "Get over it", cos i actually hate that thrase & the use of it in these circumstances sounds really wrong doesn't it, cos we never get over it, but it seems to be the word that's used most!!!

Just a quick question for you though.... How long ago did you miscarry with your 3rd (was it June???) & how far along were you with that one? She was a girl wasn't she? Did you name her? Ash & i named our little girl Caitlyn May. Ash chose her middle name because she was due in May :)

I am a daycarer by occupation and one of the parents of the children i care for brought me a frangipani tree as a gift & to express her sorrow to us, & we decided to call it "Caitlyn's tree" & we're going to plant it in the yard in a nice place so that we always have a beautiful reminder of her :angel:

That would have been really hard for you to be in a recovery room where you could hear babies crying :-( I don't know how i would have dealt with that! It just all seemed so surreal!

Well it's late here in Australia, so i'll be off to bed but will check in tomorrow & hope to hear from you again soon. It will be great to keep in touch & share future success stories ;)

Take care & never give up hope sweety :wave:





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