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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Hi:

I'm so very sorry for you loss.

I'm wondering if you requested an autopsy on the baby and testing on the placenta. I know it all sounds kind of terrible but in reality, it would give you answers that might help the next time you try to get pregnant.

I had a very late loss at 34 wks although my daughter died in utero at 33 wks. She was also much smaller than the size of a normal 34 wks pregnancy. Her size was closer to what you would expect to see in a pregnancy of around 28 wks.

I had IUGR (interuterine growth retardation) due to blood clots in the placenta. You did say that you had to have a blood clot removed when they did a D&C to remove the placenta so you might want to question that in your pregnancy. The blood clots can cause reduced nutrients to the placenta which in turn cause retarded growth levels in the baby. It's possible that your baby only died quite recently but was small in size due to the blood clot inhibiting the nutrients that reached her.

I hope you can find answers that will bring you some peace.

Take care.
You know, I want to say how impressive and sweet it is that you have written to each and everyone of us who have responded to you. Thank you for that, it mde me feel good.

Yes, it is true I was born in 1983 and am 23. Pretty young to be dealing with all of this. But good news too is we are young and we have plenty more years to hopefully have a healthy live baby.

I feel really alone sometimes....like no one really knows what its like to be going through this sort of trauma. My friends have even admited feeling helpless in that they can't relate but know I am in pain. One thing I hate is to be felt sorry for. But..what can you do.

I have been married for two years and my husband and I actually decided to wait a couple years befor we even started to have a family. Then six months into the marriage I became pregnant on Birthcontrol. It was a surprise but of course I was estatic. I was actually in Boston visiting my family when I m/c and lance my husband was home in Washington. I was eight weeks.

After that m/c in October 05' I couldn't stop thinking of being a mom. A new found desire in me had been awakened. But my husband talked me into starting BC again and waiting before we to try again. However I was having a hard time and I really wanted that baby. Finally, my husband agreed for us to try again and after a month and a half I got pregnant. But lost that baby at7 wks in June. That one was really hard actually even though I wasn't that far along. I did not get a D&C and my husband and I even though we tried to prevent so, concieved just 2 wks after that June m/c with #3. I was so sick with her and miserable but at the same time happy because I was sure she would be my charm. I just knew it! I never got morning sickness with the others or grew in the tummy. Things were just so different and I thought that meant she would stick.

With this last one I too have thought this was a never ending nightmare. I had my first D&C, then two weeks later on Oct 3rd I woke up with the most painful cramps ever. I went to the bathroom and oxygen rich red huge clotty blood would not stop pouring out of me. I had to get to class and was trying to frantically clean it up to no avail for over an hour... I made a mess everywhere, was hemmorhging I called my mom on the phone on the other side of the country, shes an OB nurse. I yelled at lance to wake up and come in there. My mom said I needed to get to the hospital. I had to have an emergency D&C and a blood transfusion for low hemoglobin. When my doctor told me that, I threw up my hands (barely as I was weak) to say I give up. what was also hard was I stayed in OB unit for recovery and heard the heart beat monitors and new born babies crying.

after my second m/c the doctor did a bunch of blood work to rule out certain problems associated w/ m/c's. All came back neg. After the third I finallly went to a reproductive endocrinologist for some help maybe. He said when I had my period in Dec. to come in and they would start some differ tests. They will also try clomid and progesterone supplements as well as aspirin in case my blood tends to want to coagulate, which I think it does. I have always passed lots of clots in periods. I don't know we shall see. Dec is here I was supposed to have my period on the 12th. Its late but I seriously doubt I am pregnant and think its just screwed up due to the surgeries.

Are you going to wait before you try again?
How are you feeling now? Better or worse.

How is your husband dealing with this?

Mine cried when we saw the baby moving and heard her heartbeat. When we saw her unmoving and dead, I knew he was distraught but he was more concerned for me...But I knew he was down. He seemed to get over it though in like two days. I know thats not true though and men just deal with losses like this differ than us women since we carry these babies and may bond with them more.He keeps droping hints that we should wait to try for awhile...Yeah..I just don't know about that as I think of having a baby a lot.....


Wow this is wicked long. Sorry. haha

It does help though to write.

Take care, Jess
Hey there,

You are such a brave person & to have been through miscarriage 3 times...... i really don't know how you do it, but to have such a clear goal.... you definately know what you want & i truly hope that you get your healthy baby soon :)

I have also been married to my husband Ashley for 2 years in February, so there's another thing we have in common. I know exactly what you mean about feeling alone & having friends who don't know what to say or do to make us feel better.... but you know.... i just think as long as they're there for us to cry on or just to talk, then that's all we need!

I haven't cried to anyone but my husband & my mum! I cry alone at night when Ash has fallen asleep (just quietly though, under my breath), cos i feel like that's my time to grieve... & usually it only lasts about 10-15 minutes or so & then i'm basically too exhausted & i often cry myself to sleep. I can't seem to cry on my friends shoulders, as i feel for some reason that i need to be strong around them & i can't seem to let that guard down :confused:

Because i only miscarried on the weekend of the 9th Dec, and had my D&C that day, we want to wait for my next normal period in about 4 or 5 weeks before we start trying again.... but yeah, we definately want to try again & this time we hope with all our hearts that we can hold our little baby in our arms when he/she is born (healthy & full-term).

And i can totally relate to the emptiness you feel inside & that longing to be a mother. I feel it now more than ever, and although my first pregnancy was planned through & through, it's not until you lose that baby that you realise quite how much you really want it! Hope you know what i mean.... i'm sure you can relate!

I'm feeling a little better but still have my up & down moments & even hearing certain songs on the radio remind me of her! You know like the ones you hear in the car on the way home from the hospital that make you cry uncontrollably & also the ones that are just sad.
But overall, i'm coping well & i'm just looking to a much more pleasant 2007.

Ash took it pretty much the same as your husband! His face lit up when he saw the baby on the ultrasound screen with her heartbeat etc at 6 wks, 9 wks & 12 wks & then when the doctor told us the news (the morning we went in to the emergency centre), his face just dropped & i could tell he was in pain! But like yours.... he seemed to be more concerned for me! Funny that, how they imidiately put us before they're own feelings.... but sooo sweet :p I couldn't even cry then.... & i didn't want him to hug me cos i knew i would cry & i didn't want to for some reason.... guess i was just in shock. But then when my mum poked her head around the curtain in the hospital, and said "How you going?"...... i just lost it!!! It's amazing how mum's can have that effect on us hey? Haven't really cried with mum again though. Like i said, i find it hard to let that guard down unless it's uncontrollable.

But like you said aswell..... guys seem to deal with it differently & although yours seemed to be over it within a couple of days, i'm sure his pain still exists & still will for a long time yet.... and it will never completely fade, it will just get easier! It's strange that we use the word "Get over it", cos i actually hate that thrase & the use of it in these circumstances sounds really wrong doesn't it, cos we never get over it, but it seems to be the word that's used most!!!

Just a quick question for you though.... How long ago did you miscarry with your 3rd (was it June???) & how far along were you with that one? She was a girl wasn't she? Did you name her? Ash & i named our little girl Caitlyn May. Ash chose her middle name because she was due in May :)

I am a daycarer by occupation and one of the parents of the children i care for brought me a frangipani tree as a gift & to express her sorrow to us, & we decided to call it "Caitlyn's tree" & we're going to plant it in the yard in a nice place so that we always have a beautiful reminder of her :angel:

That would have been really hard for you to be in a recovery room where you could hear babies crying :-( I don't know how i would have dealt with that! It just all seemed so surreal!

Well it's late here in Australia, so i'll be off to bed but will check in tomorrow & hope to hear from you again soon. It will be great to keep in touch & share future success stories ;)

Take care & never give up hope sweety :wave:





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