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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Hi everyone,

First post here as i'm a newby so i'm not sure how to really explain my experience very clearly, but i'll do my best so that you should get a pretty uncomplicated idea of what happened and maybe be able to share some of your knowledge with me.

So on Saturday the 9th Dec 2006 i was 17 wks pregnant (1st pregnancy) and had had no worrying bleeding (except light spotting at 4 & 8 wks which the DR put down to implantation bleeding, as it was brownish in colour and considered old blood that may have just broken away from the uterus wall as the baby was implanting into the womb).

I woke at 4:30am when i felt a quick warm gush (very much like someone tipping a bucket of water on your crutch)..... definately didn't feel like a trickle, although i was asleep, however i am a light sleeper & usually know when i need to go to the toilet during the night.

So i jumped out of bed (at this stage thinking i had wet the bed) & went to the toilet and did a normal wee, which i thought was a bit strange, considering i had just wet the bed, but i just put it down to the baby possibly putting pressure on my bladder and me leaking a little bit. I then had a shower & when i was drying myself i noticed a drop of blood at my feet. I then wiped with toilet paper and there was a bit more (but a brownish colour), so i put a sanitary pad in my underwear and tried to go back to sleep, but i was still confused at the bed wetting thing. I tried not to worry too much about the bleeding at this point, cos as i mentioned earlier in my post, i had spotting early on in my pregnancy & was told that some ppl go their entire pregnancy with spotting & that given the times of my bleeds, i was probably only spotting when i would have normally gotten a period, so i didn't stress too much about it. Also it was brownish so i though it was not an issue unless it was red!

Anyhow..... this is going to go on for a while, so i hope you are all into reading short novels, as i'm a bit of a blabber queen and i tend to really describe everything in detail, so sorry if i frustrate any of you.... although i'm sure you're all very happy to help & also just read :yawn:

So when i woke in the morning (Keeping in mind that i had had no cramps or anything following my bleeding) my pad had quite a bit of blood on it but it looked watered down and still a more browny colour and this is when it occurred to me that i may not have wet my bed, and that it could have actually been my waters breaking. SO i called the emergency centre & they called me in to listen for a heartbeat... & although the nurse said she thought she got a very quick listen to the heartbeat of the baby.... i wasn't convinced! Mothers instinct i guess!!! She said that i either have a very active bowel or a very athletic baby, as she thought it was moving around in there, not staying still and that's why she couldn't locate the heartbeat for a long period of time! She shouldn't have said anything really, cos she raised my hopes a little, although i did suspect something untoward was happening.

So from here she told me she'd contact my obstetrician and ask him if there was anything else she could do for me before she sent me home, and because there were 2 other patients that had the same obstetrician as me, he came in & did a scan with the screen (which apparently the nurses weren't qualified to use or something). This is when he said there was not much fluid around my baby and that it looked as though the sac had collapsed. I was devastated.... but sooo numb i couldn't cry! I just kept looking at his facial expression while he was looking at the screen, cos he hadn't actually said in that many words that my baby had died, but i could tell it had and i knew that without the sac with the fluid, my baby couldn't survive even if there was a heartbeat.

He then told me gently that there was an absent heartbeat & that my baby was in fact dead and that she (we found out following the examination after my D&C) didn't appear to be the normal size of a baby at 17 weeks, therefore he was quite sure that she had actually died a couple (4, maybe 5) wks ago, shortly after my 12 week NT scan (scan for down's syndrome).

I was then referred to a better equipped hospital (about an hours drive) for a D&C. When we arrived there i passed something as we were walking in the hospital doors and i knew it was my baby, so i asked to go straight through to a toilet, where i removed the baby from my underwear & placed her in a container. I didn't really look at her as such..... didn't examine her if you know what i mean, so when i gave the container to the nurse, i was still quite shocked & although i could make out that it was my baby.... i didn't actually take notice of her arms and legs (only her body & head). So as you can imagine i was a little dazed by this & feeling quite icky to say the least :eek:

Long story short... or as short as i can cut without depriving you guys of a good insight...... my husband & i decided to view the baby's body to give us some closure & also cos i was asking questions about whether she had legs & arms. So they brought her in (in a little tiny basket with a blanket), and gave us some time with her. At this stage we didn't know her sex tho.... we actually thought it was a boy which is quite sad, as we kind of said our goodbye's to her as tho she was a boy and that hurts!!! Saying goodbye helped tho..... & the fact that i could see her perfect fingers & toes and that she actually did have legs & arms & facial features was comforting!!! I would have refretted not viewing her, as i would have only had that one image in my head, of when i put her in the container in the toilet cubicle.

So to finish off, (i don't know how ppl can keep a post to 5 or 6 lines, cos i'm writing a novel here), i had a D&C to remove the other products of conception (which was my placenta & a blood clot) and was sent home the following morning as the operation went fine!

Now for my questions tho.... i've been festering all week trying to determine why (when the baby is thought to have died at 13 weeks gestation), did i not get any bleeding until 17 weeks? And also why i didn't get any cramping or other signs of miscarriage (not that i'm complaining as my heart goes out to those who have had painful miscarriages). I'm so confused as the only time that i can remember having bad cramps (so bad in fact, that i had to clutch my lower tummy and was in quite a bit of pain in bed), was at 15 weeks.... but thought it was indigestion as it started after my evening meal and was quite high up in my chest initially & moved down lower as the night progressed, and it wasn't until my last 2 weeks (from 15-17 wks) that i started showing/growing.

Not sure why i didn't seek doctors help when i got my cramps, but i did not see any concern as there was no bleeding or anything else to suggest i was miscarrying and also the pain was gone by the next morning anyway. Has anyone else experienced this (having no cramps/minor cramps & no bleeding initially???) Also has anyone else experienced their waters breaking that long after the death of their baby.....(Somewhere around 4-5 wks after???) Also, i'm confused at how my baby could have died at 13 wks without my body recognising this and giving some kind of sign. I carried my dead baby inside me for 4 or 5 wks thinking she was fine.... waiting so eagerly for my next scan to see how big she had gotten..... and then this!!!

I can't understand why my sac was still growing, without my baby being alive..... but the only thing i can think of, is that my body didn't regognise this straight away & it wasn't until my sac recognised that there wasn't a baby big enough to accomodate it..... that it decided to terminate and abort my pregnancy (and this is when my waters broke.... when i thought i'd wet the bed)! Not too sure tho..... i might sound clued on at the moment, but i'm really just numb & although i sound as though i might be onto something with that thought, i've just had time to think & it's basically all that's been running through my head for the past 7 days. :yawn:

I will finish now though, as you're probably all asleep anyhow, but i do hope that this post has helped some of you & that some can relate to it & also i hope that some of you can give me some guidance or some answers in some form :confused:

Thanks for reading/listening and hope to hear from you all soon :wave:
You know, I want to say how impressive and sweet it is that you have written to each and everyone of us who have responded to you. Thank you for that, it mde me feel good.

Yes, it is true I was born in 1983 and am 23. Pretty young to be dealing with all of this. But good news too is we are young and we have plenty more years to hopefully have a healthy live baby.

I feel really alone sometimes....like no one really knows what its like to be going through this sort of trauma. My friends have even admited feeling helpless in that they can't relate but know I am in pain. One thing I hate is to be felt sorry for. But..what can you do.

I have been married for two years and my husband and I actually decided to wait a couple years befor we even started to have a family. Then six months into the marriage I became pregnant on Birthcontrol. It was a surprise but of course I was estatic. I was actually in Boston visiting my family when I m/c and lance my husband was home in Washington. I was eight weeks.

After that m/c in October 05' I couldn't stop thinking of being a mom. A new found desire in me had been awakened. But my husband talked me into starting BC again and waiting before we to try again. However I was having a hard time and I really wanted that baby. Finally, my husband agreed for us to try again and after a month and a half I got pregnant. But lost that baby at7 wks in June. That one was really hard actually even though I wasn't that far along. I did not get a D&C and my husband and I even though we tried to prevent so, concieved just 2 wks after that June m/c with #3. I was so sick with her and miserable but at the same time happy because I was sure she would be my charm. I just knew it! I never got morning sickness with the others or grew in the tummy. Things were just so different and I thought that meant she would stick.

With this last one I too have thought this was a never ending nightmare. I had my first D&C, then two weeks later on Oct 3rd I woke up with the most painful cramps ever. I went to the bathroom and oxygen rich red huge clotty blood would not stop pouring out of me. I had to get to class and was trying to frantically clean it up to no avail for over an hour... I made a mess everywhere, was hemmorhging I called my mom on the phone on the other side of the country, shes an OB nurse. I yelled at lance to wake up and come in there. My mom said I needed to get to the hospital. I had to have an emergency D&C and a blood transfusion for low hemoglobin. When my doctor told me that, I threw up my hands (barely as I was weak) to say I give up. what was also hard was I stayed in OB unit for recovery and heard the heart beat monitors and new born babies crying.

after my second m/c the doctor did a bunch of blood work to rule out certain problems associated w/ m/c's. All came back neg. After the third I finallly went to a reproductive endocrinologist for some help maybe. He said when I had my period in Dec. to come in and they would start some differ tests. They will also try clomid and progesterone supplements as well as aspirin in case my blood tends to want to coagulate, which I think it does. I have always passed lots of clots in periods. I don't know we shall see. Dec is here I was supposed to have my period on the 12th. Its late but I seriously doubt I am pregnant and think its just screwed up due to the surgeries.

Are you going to wait before you try again?
How are you feeling now? Better or worse.

How is your husband dealing with this?

Mine cried when we saw the baby moving and heard her heartbeat. When we saw her unmoving and dead, I knew he was distraught but he was more concerned for me...But I knew he was down. He seemed to get over it though in like two days. I know thats not true though and men just deal with losses like this differ than us women since we carry these babies and may bond with them more.He keeps droping hints that we should wait to try for awhile...Yeah..I just don't know about that as I think of having a baby a lot.....


Wow this is wicked long. Sorry. haha

It does help though to write.

Take care, Jess
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I had miscarried twins in November, although I didn't know I was having twins until they told me I was miscarrying. They said the babies had problems at 5 weeks, but I didn't start bleeding until I was almost 10 weeks. I was really excited about the baby even though I am 18 and young. The part I wish I didn't get at was one doctor told me everything will go back to normal and be fine with a good pregnancy, when another doctor told me I'm going to lose the babies. I was confused but being the person that I am I hoped for the best. My family was excited I was having twins and they were all talking about it. So me and my husband decided that we were going to wait 5-6 years before we tried for another baby.
But to our suprise come December (just a month after) I did an HPT so I can schedule an appointment with a doctor the test came up negative...but a 10 days later I did another (wasn't sure when I would have ovulated so to be on the safe side I waited 10 days. The test was a perfectly clear positive. I cried...I cried alot. But now we are making the best of it. My husband is really supportive and he really appreciates this pregnancy. I worry all the time ecspecially now since I should be around 9 weeks, almost 10.
I have changed so many things from the first pregnancy til now. I have a reagular doctors appointments when before I didn't go because of insurance but now we are putting money aside as an option and got a really great plan to help us out. I also even changed everything that I do, I even changed my entire attitude. My husband is constantly talking to the baby and kissing the baby so the baby knows that he loves him/her and has something to fight for. He really does help. Although I am already completely attached, I couldn't imagine losing this baby. It will be the most hurtful thing for me to handle. I have come to realize tho that it really isn't to common to have a successful pregnancy after having a miscarriage and not waiting a full cycle. But I am hoping everything goes good. I really feel that this will be a great change in both my husbands and my life. I try not to worry about it because stress can also lead to a miscarriage. I get cramps every now and again but they never last a full day or longer then 5 minutes. But everywhere I read it says it is normal to experience mild cramping around this time because the uterus is in the process of expanding. I have an appointment on the 12th so i will talk with the doctor about that. I also have experienced cramping such as these my whole entire life (well since I started my periods) so I don't know if its normal or if its not. But so far everything seems to be going well and I ill find out a little bit more on the 12th. Its hard having to go through it so soon after and knowing that the chances are 50/50 but I would rather live on the better side knowing and hoping it will all be ok. It seems as though I like to write novels as well...I love writing and details for me is always a given and I couldn't help but share my story with you in full.
It is a hard thing and it is hard to get past not knowing how the next time around is going to be. You are a very strong person and very considerate and I greatly appreciate how well you have handled this.
I can't answer why it took so long for you to miscarry and know if anything was wrong, but as you did, I went almost 5 weeks with two babies struggling to grow properly and the doctors didn't even know what they were talking about. I do hope though everything goes ok with me this time around despite the risks. I have changed my whole entire life around for this pregnancy so that I can make this work out. My husband as well has done so much to help me out with this pregnancy. About the only thing left to do is wait for the ultrasound after the 12th and see really how everything is going...and hopefully i am able to hear the babies heartbeat and then get some reassurance that everything is going ok at this point.
I wonder why these things happen to good people...why strong healthy women who could be great mothers have such trouble with pregnancy, when so many women who are on drugs their entire pregnancy, or who don't want their babies can go through it without a breeze or such as a problem in the pregnancy. But when the time is right for you to start trying again I wish nothing but a happy and healthy pregnancy and a beautiful healthy baby.





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