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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

Hi everyone,

First post here as i'm a newby so i'm not sure how to really explain my experience very clearly, but i'll do my best so that you should get a pretty uncomplicated idea of what happened and maybe be able to share some of your knowledge with me.

So on Saturday the 9th Dec 2006 i was 17 wks pregnant (1st pregnancy) and had had no worrying bleeding (except light spotting at 4 & 8 wks which the DR put down to implantation bleeding, as it was brownish in colour and considered old blood that may have just broken away from the uterus wall as the baby was implanting into the womb).

I woke at 4:30am when i felt a quick warm gush (very much like someone tipping a bucket of water on your crutch)..... definately didn't feel like a trickle, although i was asleep, however i am a light sleeper & usually know when i need to go to the toilet during the night.

So i jumped out of bed (at this stage thinking i had wet the bed) & went to the toilet and did a normal wee, which i thought was a bit strange, considering i had just wet the bed, but i just put it down to the baby possibly putting pressure on my bladder and me leaking a little bit. I then had a shower & when i was drying myself i noticed a drop of blood at my feet. I then wiped with toilet paper and there was a bit more (but a brownish colour), so i put a sanitary pad in my underwear and tried to go back to sleep, but i was still confused at the bed wetting thing. I tried not to worry too much about the bleeding at this point, cos as i mentioned earlier in my post, i had spotting early on in my pregnancy & was told that some ppl go their entire pregnancy with spotting & that given the times of my bleeds, i was probably only spotting when i would have normally gotten a period, so i didn't stress too much about it. Also it was brownish so i though it was not an issue unless it was red!

Anyhow..... this is going to go on for a while, so i hope you are all into reading short novels, as i'm a bit of a blabber queen and i tend to really describe everything in detail, so sorry if i frustrate any of you.... although i'm sure you're all very happy to help & also just read :yawn:

So when i woke in the morning (Keeping in mind that i had had no cramps or anything following my bleeding) my pad had quite a bit of blood on it but it looked watered down and still a more browny colour and this is when it occurred to me that i may not have wet my bed, and that it could have actually been my waters breaking. SO i called the emergency centre & they called me in to listen for a heartbeat... & although the nurse said she thought she got a very quick listen to the heartbeat of the baby.... i wasn't convinced! Mothers instinct i guess!!! She said that i either have a very active bowel or a very athletic baby, as she thought it was moving around in there, not staying still and that's why she couldn't locate the heartbeat for a long period of time! She shouldn't have said anything really, cos she raised my hopes a little, although i did suspect something untoward was happening.

So from here she told me she'd contact my obstetrician and ask him if there was anything else she could do for me before she sent me home, and because there were 2 other patients that had the same obstetrician as me, he came in & did a scan with the screen (which apparently the nurses weren't qualified to use or something). This is when he said there was not much fluid around my baby and that it looked as though the sac had collapsed. I was devastated.... but sooo numb i couldn't cry! I just kept looking at his facial expression while he was looking at the screen, cos he hadn't actually said in that many words that my baby had died, but i could tell it had and i knew that without the sac with the fluid, my baby couldn't survive even if there was a heartbeat.

He then told me gently that there was an absent heartbeat & that my baby was in fact dead and that she (we found out following the examination after my D&C) didn't appear to be the normal size of a baby at 17 weeks, therefore he was quite sure that she had actually died a couple (4, maybe 5) wks ago, shortly after my 12 week NT scan (scan for down's syndrome).

I was then referred to a better equipped hospital (about an hours drive) for a D&C. When we arrived there i passed something as we were walking in the hospital doors and i knew it was my baby, so i asked to go straight through to a toilet, where i removed the baby from my underwear & placed her in a container. I didn't really look at her as such..... didn't examine her if you know what i mean, so when i gave the container to the nurse, i was still quite shocked & although i could make out that it was my baby.... i didn't actually take notice of her arms and legs (only her body & head). So as you can imagine i was a little dazed by this & feeling quite icky to say the least :eek:

Long story short... or as short as i can cut without depriving you guys of a good insight...... my husband & i decided to view the baby's body to give us some closure & also cos i was asking questions about whether she had legs & arms. So they brought her in (in a little tiny basket with a blanket), and gave us some time with her. At this stage we didn't know her sex tho.... we actually thought it was a boy which is quite sad, as we kind of said our goodbye's to her as tho she was a boy and that hurts!!! Saying goodbye helped tho..... & the fact that i could see her perfect fingers & toes and that she actually did have legs & arms & facial features was comforting!!! I would have refretted not viewing her, as i would have only had that one image in my head, of when i put her in the container in the toilet cubicle.

So to finish off, (i don't know how ppl can keep a post to 5 or 6 lines, cos i'm writing a novel here), i had a D&C to remove the other products of conception (which was my placenta & a blood clot) and was sent home the following morning as the operation went fine!

Now for my questions tho.... i've been festering all week trying to determine why (when the baby is thought to have died at 13 weeks gestation), did i not get any bleeding until 17 weeks? And also why i didn't get any cramping or other signs of miscarriage (not that i'm complaining as my heart goes out to those who have had painful miscarriages). I'm so confused as the only time that i can remember having bad cramps (so bad in fact, that i had to clutch my lower tummy and was in quite a bit of pain in bed), was at 15 weeks.... but thought it was indigestion as it started after my evening meal and was quite high up in my chest initially & moved down lower as the night progressed, and it wasn't until my last 2 weeks (from 15-17 wks) that i started showing/growing.

Not sure why i didn't seek doctors help when i got my cramps, but i did not see any concern as there was no bleeding or anything else to suggest i was miscarrying and also the pain was gone by the next morning anyway. Has anyone else experienced this (having no cramps/minor cramps & no bleeding initially???) Also has anyone else experienced their waters breaking that long after the death of their baby.....(Somewhere around 4-5 wks after???) Also, i'm confused at how my baby could have died at 13 wks without my body recognising this and giving some kind of sign. I carried my dead baby inside me for 4 or 5 wks thinking she was fine.... waiting so eagerly for my next scan to see how big she had gotten..... and then this!!!

I can't understand why my sac was still growing, without my baby being alive..... but the only thing i can think of, is that my body didn't regognise this straight away & it wasn't until my sac recognised that there wasn't a baby big enough to accomodate it..... that it decided to terminate and abort my pregnancy (and this is when my waters broke.... when i thought i'd wet the bed)! Not too sure tho..... i might sound clued on at the moment, but i'm really just numb & although i sound as though i might be onto something with that thought, i've just had time to think & it's basically all that's been running through my head for the past 7 days. :yawn:

I will finish now though, as you're probably all asleep anyhow, but i do hope that this post has helped some of you & that some can relate to it & also i hope that some of you can give me some guidance or some answers in some form :confused:

Thanks for reading/listening and hope to hear from you all soon :wave:
Like you my baby died at 13wks 6days gestation, but I was supposed to be farther along 16+ wks. And like you I had no signs of an impending m/c. I was also showing and growing. I even had morning sickess up until the day after my D&C.I never found out the sex via ultrasound but after the baby was born I found she was a girl. I had a feelig she would be.

I never had any bleeding or spotting my entire pregancy. I had two other m/c before this one and they were so differ. I had terrible cramps, lower back pain and bleeding. No D&C with those. So with this last baby I thought I was in the safe for sure. It wasn't until I went in for a routine check for HB listening that none was found .....when we had just heard it a few wks earlier. I new then what the outcome would be. And sure enough baby showed no HB and unmoving on the monitor. I was so numb and in shock as well. I didn't even cry for a while. I couldn't. I bascially just sat and stared. I had a weekend to prepare for surgery with baby to say goodbye to it in me. It felt so surreal. I didn't really show emotion till I came too after surgery and asked if my baby came out okay. Then reality set in.

Its been two months and I am still having a hard time dealing with this. I have good days and bad ones. You will as well.

I too wonder why with this one my body didn't know that the baby had died. Its called a missed misscarriage. Only in retropect do I wonder about something that happened around the time the baby had died. I delt with constipation for a long time all through the entire preg. But two differ days I all of a sudden had the worst gastric cramps like I needed to go diarrhea but I was pretty clogged up so it was just a lot of painful cramps. Im sorry to be gross and graphic. Its interesting but when that happened I had a nagging feeling that wasnt normal I even did some google searches to ease my mind, but no blood and still preg symptoms.. so I thought I was fine. I truly believe that was when my baby was dieing.

Feel free to chat on here with us and to vent if need be. I tend to write reallly long blogs as well. Take care and hope you find some answers.--Jess
Hey pradasweets1983,

Sorry to hear about your losses also! Your case sounds very much like mine, as i had an episode at approx 13 weeks where i felt like i had to do a number 2.... but diarhea (sorry if too much info), & i hadn't been feeling myself all day.... alittle unwell & slight discomfort in my lower abdomin. So when i began walking to the toilet, i started feeling dizzy and blacked out & started feeling as though i was going to vomit (which was a bit unusual as the only sickness i had really gotten at this stage was an icky feeling in the mornings and tiredness), but remained standing and just held myself up using the wall. I then kept blinking to get my vision back & eventually made it to the toilet once i could see. I sat down & knew that i needed to do a number 2 and vomit, but i'd much rather clean vomit off the toilet floor than the other, so i moved the toilet mat & vomited on the floor.... but then nothing else..... no number 2 at all. I felt fine after this and then no other signs followed so i put it down to too many brazil nuts earlier on in the day with only water in my stomach (i hadn't eaten much this day, because as i mentioned earlier i was feeling quite average all day).

I too never found out the sex of my baby through ultrasound (we wanted it to be a surprise), and then through examinations after the fact, we found out also that ours was a little girl :angel: We named her Caitlyn May (as she was due in May 2007). I also had a feeling that Caitlyn was a girl, and had said all through my pregnancy that i thought this was the case, even tho my husband & sisters all thought it would be a boy. I always said "I don't know why i feel that it is, but something is telling me she's a little girl!" I feel now as though i knew her all along! I cried when i got off the phone to the autopsy people when they told me she was a girl, as i felt like it was mothers instinct & i had no idea it could set in that early :confused:

I too used the word numb .... and surreal!!! It's all that comes close to describing the emptiness we feel and the pain we're going through, as no other word seems to come close. I said to my husband after the D&C, "This is like a horrible nightmare & i just want to wake up.... it's just sooo surreal". I couldn't seem to cry either.... my family seemed to be crying more than me!!! Even on my first night at home i was too exhausted to cry & just fell asleep (which i wasn't sure if i would), & woke the next morning & remembered what had happened & still.... nothing! All i felt was exhaustion & fell back asleep. And like you, i just sat & stared most of the time. Still am really.... as mine was only 1 week ago yesterday so still very raw, but this site is helping & it's great to have some support & also give support to others. It's very comforting ;)

Your name has 1983 in it!!! Is this the year you were born??? I was born in August 1983 so i would say, if so, we're very close in age ;) Not to mention dealing with the same feelings!

Take care & my thoughts are with you xoxoxox
I never saw her after they removed her from me....that must have been so hard but at the same time must have given you some closure too.

I was supposed to be over 16 weeks but my baby measured 14 wks... I was almost to the point where I would get to find out her sex via ultrasound.. or so I thought.... You know I wanted to name her and plant a tree for her...but then I didn't want to favor her over the others you know just because she was farther along....because I never did it for them.

We just bought a new home so then I wanted to plant trees here for all of them...but its winter and we are renovating the whole inside and its taking so much time. But bottom line...I am procrastinating and I need to just do it, period...

Yeah she was a girl. Like I said I always had that feeling...even though from the very beginning everyone told me she was going to be a boy...
Before I even knew I was pregnant I started to crave buffalo hot spicy I never even liked those before and thats all I wanted to eat...of course then at 6 1/2 wks preg. I became so sick from morning sickness..anything with flavor made me so sick... well one of my best friends brittany said she craved the same thing when she got pregnant and she had a boy so she was bent set that I was to have a boy...and other things similar that made people think she was a boy..But I knew....

we found out she died end of Sept. and I had my second D&C with her on Oct 3rd. So over 2 months ago...

Have a great day!--Jess
Hey pradasweets1983,

I can totally understand why you didn't plant a tree or something similar for this one, because... as you said "You hadn't done anything for the others yet & didn't want to seem as tho you were favouring her over the others"!!! You'll get around to it one day, & it will help you aswell, knowing which baby each tree represents :)

I chose to see Caitlyn, because i actually passed her naturally in my underwear upon arrival at the hospital & as i was in a bit of shock i only had a quick glimpse (enough to know it was the fetus) before putting her in the container for examination. It was only because i was asking the nurses if she had arms and legs (because they must have been stuck to her body at the time of birth) that they actually asked me if i'd like to see her.

I'm sure they would have asked later on.... but i s'pose i intervened in a way as i was very shocked still & the image i had in my head was quite different to what i had expected!!! So they cleaned her up & placed her in a little tiny basket type thing ontop of some blankets & brought her in..... & to be honest it really did help in the grieving process, as i was able to see her for myself & all of my distressing thoughts on what i thought she looked like where put to rest & we're replaced by the assurance that she was not malformed...... but a perfect little girl with 10 little tiny fingers & 10 little tiny toes :angel:

Did you fully undersand what was involved with a D&C the very first time you were told to have one??? I didn't 100%. I mean.... i knew they were going to remove the baby & the other products of conception using suction (keeping in mind that at the time i was told i needed a D&C, i hadn't yet passed the baby naturally). So, when my DR said to me that, depending on the actual size of my baby i might not be able to have a D&C & may need to be induced & give birth to her.... i was totally against it! I was thinking to myself....."There's no way i'm giving birth to my baby.... it will just torment me even more". I just wanted them to do the D&C so i wouldn't have to be induced!

Since passing Caitlyn naturally though, & having the D&C to remove the remaining products of conception, i found out that when a baby is removed by suction (in a D&C), they are actually very damaged (sorry if this is sounding horrible at all.... but i want other people to know also if they didn't already), & often you are not actually allowed to see your baby because of this reason. So if i'd known that prior to expressing my feelings so strongly about being induced.... i would have definately taken the inducing birth option!!! Purely because i can't stand the thought of my baby being hurt or damaged.... not really because i wanted to see her, cos i didn't know that i would want to see her at that stage!

So as sad as i am that this has happened & for all that i've had to endure.... i am thankful that things happened the way they did, as i was given that chance to say goodbye to my little girl in person and i wasn't one of the unfortunate ones who had to find out what a D&C actually entailed, after the fact!!! Were you told specifically what was involved??? Did your DR tell you the baby would be damaged? (Sorry again if this is too blunt) :confused:

Were you going to find out the sex when it was possible via ultrasound??? We wanted to keep it as a surprise :D

I never really had bad morning sickness :blob_fire Mine was more like just a queazy feeling in the morning & that usually subsided after i had breakfast (sometimes throughout most of the morning & early afternoon.... but often returned around tea time), & tiredness. I was quite tired & as soon as my body would stop, i'd feel physically drained & just want to close my eyes & sleep. But work interferred with that definately.

I run my own family day care business from home & care for about 4 or 5 children a day, so i was constantly on the ball.... until the children's sleep/rest time.... & that is when i'd usually sit down for a rest & just wanna zonk (sleep) :yawn:

I craved some really weird things, banana paddle pops, Hungry Jacks Whopper burgers (Burger King.... as you'd know it) & polish sausage (but as you'd know that's processed meat & pregnant women aren't allowed to eat it). I would try to keep away from the cravings majority of the time, as i didn't want to end up the size of a house.... so i just satisfied them every now & then :D

So many people have different ideas on how to determine the sex of your baby without ultrasound confirmation, but i don't know..... they just vary sooo much & more often than not, the baby comes out the oposite to what everyone expected anyway, so i think if you really want to know in the future.... definately get an ultrasound to tell you, because otherwise if we trust these people who think they have "the gift", then we'll probably be buying all of the wrong coloured clothing & furniture. LOL

Anyhow, we'll talk soon & take care

Have a nice day also :)

Bye xoxoxox :wave:

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