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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

[QUOTE=weitz;2753172] Skyye, I am so sorry you had to go through this too. How are you doing now? Did you decide to try again for a child? If I am being nosy, I am sorry, I just hope you are happy and that things are good with you. [/QUOTE]

((((Hug)))) You're very sweet for asking and not being nosey at all. I am doing okay. This July will be 9 years that we lost her. The years have flown by in one sense and crawled in another. The first year after I lost her it felt like I was walking in the dark trying to feel my way around life. I was lost. I questioned why it happened and was angry at myself and questioned God. My sister and cousin were both pg also, we were all due in the same month. I had to watch them continue their pg's and both delivered girls. I was crushed.

After many years I realized that I could question why for an eternity but it wasn't going to change things. It took a while to find some peace in myself and accept what happened. Since my husband didn't want to go to counseling I found great support online through loss support message boards. Talking about it with others who *really* understand helped a lot. Now almost 9 years I still think about her every single day. I see little girls who are 8/9 yrs old and always wonder what she would look like today, what her voice would sound like, what color her hair would be. I'll always wonder these things I'm sure. I try not to think about the labor/birth/funeral because the raw emotion is still very much there and it always sends me into a breakdown.

After 2 1st trimester m/c's I treated with a reproductive endocrinologist who found my progesterone to be too low, causing the early m/c's. We never could explain why my water ruptured with my daughter though. Thanks to baby aspirin and Crinone and a lot of praying I carried two boys full term. I talk to the boys about their sister often. Her picture hangs on our wall in the livingroom. We bake a cake for her each year on her birthday. I also let them pick out little gifts to take to the cemetary when we visit. She is a part of our family even though she is not with us and I try to do anything I can to help the boys *know* her.

My heart goes out to you because I can not begin to imagine enduring this twice. The fact that you are here says a lot about your strength. Please find a support group or someone who has suffered a loss as well to talk to.

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