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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

On Jan. 12 we had our second angel baby at 17 weeks, Dylan after I spent a couple of days slanted backward trying to get the amniotic sac to go back into my uterus. Instead my water broke and I gave birth a few hours later. The worst thing is that after my water broke I could feel him kicking and turning so much. I kept thinking that he is alive and wants to live just like the son we lost 3 years ago at 22 weeks except with him (Shawn) my water broke at 20 weeks and I lasted almost three weeks in the hospital. The told me it was just a fluke that time, my cervix didn't appear to be dialated and that it probably wouldn't happen again. With Dylan I could feel the amniotic sac which was horrible because I knew it was happening again.

It was not an easy pregnancy because I have fibromyalgia and my symptoms were magnified hugely but it was so worth it, we wanted him so badly. I really felt positive about this pregnancy, had looked at cribs and other baby stuff and my two living boys (13 & 10) were so excited about getting a little brother or sister. We have also lost 3 other pregnancies in the first trimester which was very hard.

It was the worst sense of deja vu walking into the same funeral home that buried our last son. Dylan will be buried about 4 feet from Shawn when spring comes and we can have his headstone installed then as well. I feel like I'm drowning, I can't stop crying, and I am feeling so guilty. It was my body that caused this my boys were perfectly healthy, just too small, and my body let them down. My husband and doctor have said it was nobodys fault but I feel so guilty.

I want a baby so badly (what I really want is Dylan, Dylan and Shawn preferably, but I can't have that) and my husband has been so devasted by this refuses to let us get pregnant again. I don't think time will change his mind either. He says maybe in a year or two we can adopt or take in a foster child. I would be devasted to lose another baby but want to be pregnant so badly I would be willing to have the worst pregnancy on the planet if it got me a healthy baby.

I know this is all probably just the ramblings of a grieving, hormonal female, but I would love to hear from anyone who has been through late miscarriage and/or incompetent cervix. My thoughts and prayers are with anyone else who is experiencing or has experienced the loss of a baby. Hugs and love to you!
I hope you are doing well and I think its great that you are taking time to take care of yourself and health issues. Good luck with all of that.
I too miss the little things that a baby brings and was happy to read your post about that - smelly bottles and adorables cooing. I am not as far removed from it as you as my two are 5 & 3. But it really goes so quickly... And they are just sweet. i am lucky to have 2 incredible little boys and I'm not sure how I would feel after this late miscarriage without them. It was devistating and for those who do not have children yet - I can't imagine how that feels. I'm not sure if I mentioned this already but a neighbor came to tell me her miscarriage stories after she heard about what happened with me. She is older and has 4 children (like 20's-30's). But after her 1st child was born she had 2 late miscarriages due to an incompetant cervix. She went on to have 3 more children with the cervix stitch (i'm not sure of the correct terminology). But I do hope that you continue to be hopeful...

I hope that you are ok, I just have tears in my eyes reading your post and would not want to be where you are right now. It has only been 3 weeks since I miscarried at (what I thought was 17 weeks). The baby measured about 14 weeks. Reading your post has me rewinding to 3 weeks ago. I hope you are ok and I'll be thinking of you.

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