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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

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[QUOTE=weitz;2753172] Skyye, I am so sorry you had to go through this too. How are you doing now? Did you decide to try again for a child? If I am being nosy, I am sorry, I just hope you are happy and that things are good with you. [/QUOTE]

((((Hug)))) You're very sweet for asking and not being nosey at all. I am doing okay. This July will be 9 years that we lost her. The years have flown by in one sense and crawled in another. The first year after I lost her it felt like I was walking in the dark trying to feel my way around life. I was lost. I questioned why it happened and was angry at myself and questioned God. My sister and cousin were both pg also, we were all due in the same month. I had to watch them continue their pg's and both delivered girls. I was crushed.

After many years I realized that I could question why for an eternity but it wasn't going to change things. It took a while to find some peace in myself and accept what happened. Since my husband didn't want to go to counseling I found great support online through loss support message boards. Talking about it with others who *really* understand helped a lot. Now almost 9 years I still think about her every single day. I see little girls who are 8/9 yrs old and always wonder what she would look like today, what her voice would sound like, what color her hair would be. I'll always wonder these things I'm sure. I try not to think about the labor/birth/funeral because the raw emotion is still very much there and it always sends me into a breakdown.

After 2 1st trimester m/c's I treated with a reproductive endocrinologist who found my progesterone to be too low, causing the early m/c's. We never could explain why my water ruptured with my daughter though. Thanks to baby aspirin and Crinone and a lot of praying I carried two boys full term. I talk to the boys about their sister often. Her picture hangs on our wall in the livingroom. We bake a cake for her each year on her birthday. I also let them pick out little gifts to take to the cemetary when we visit. She is a part of our family even though she is not with us and I try to do anything I can to help the boys *know* her.

My heart goes out to you because I can not begin to imagine enduring this twice. The fact that you are here says a lot about your strength. Please find a support group or someone who has suffered a loss as well to talk to.
Hi I am so sorry about your lossses, Unfortanatly I no there is nothing I could say to make this any easier on you and your husband. Its good that you are reaching out and talking about your babies. Reading your message brought tears to my eyes, I do no the pain your family is going through and I am so truly sorry. I wish no-one ever had to go through the pain of having to say good-bye and bury their child/red or any loved one. It doesn't seem fair or make any sense to us, all we no is our hearts are broken and we want them back. Im sure you have had many people tell you this, It may not seem like It now, eventually time does help all that pain you are feeling, you will never forget, but one day you will be able to handle the pain and feel like you can go on and maybe even figure out a reason why this has happened to you. I want to let you no You are not alone. I lost a niece, Alexis Joy ( Jan 7th 2000- march 4th 2000) She is my brothers baby. What my family and I thought was the worst horrible thing did turn into a blessing from God. I no how bad that does sound, 7 years ago I would of never thought I would be saying this. I can tell you that little girl saved so many people and continues to do so. She led a complete life though it was so short, she did more on this earth in her short time than most people will ever do in their lifetime.
I also lost a baby due to a m/c back in July and was told 2 days ago my baby im carrying now does not have a heartbeat, my baby passed away at 16 weeks 4 days, I go tomorrow for the d&c. Im a so emotional and mentally drained but with the help of god and the support of my family I no everything will be ok, I have to believe god is good and his reason why will better myself, my life, my familys life in some way. I will praying for you and your family. Please keep posting and let me no how you are doing.

What an incredibly strong and supportive post you left for me, then as I am reading I find out your baby has passed away and you are awaiting a d & c and I immediately started crying. I am so very sorry, my prayers will be with you. Your strength and belief in God is what is sustaining you right now, I envy you that, I believe in God I just happen to feel a little angry with him yet. I hope the procedure goes well. Are you going to get to see the baby afterwards? I hope so, it is something that forever binds you to that child, it also makes letting them go harder, but I would take the pain of letting both of my boys go over never getting to see them, touch and kiss them, and send them off with tear tinged love and kisses. I am surprised they are doing a d & c instead of inducing you. I have to warn you, your milk will probably come in and weigh heavily on your heart.

I know you are being strong right now, but if you need to cry, scream, hit a pillow, whatever it is do it, you will feel better not bottling the pain up inside. I hope you have supportive friends and family around you during this stressful time. My husband has been wonderful as has my mom, she's my rock (God bless her, I am so lucky to have her). I do talk to God every night trying to deal with all that has happened and I always ask him to keep an eye on my boys, then I always say goodnight to Shawn and Dylan, I tell them how very much I love and miss them, to take good care of their grandparents (my hubby's parents have been gone for many years now), and to please never forget their mommy because she will never forget them. The baby you lost previously and the one you still carry that has already went on ahead took your love with them but will always leave a part of themselves with you to remember them by and think of them with love.

If I had a magic wand or a genii in a bottle I would wish all the suffering away that is talked about on this and all the boards, but it is not to be. I don't know why bad things have to happen but I do know that we grow and change from them. When we lost Shawn in 2003 he really opened our eyes to just how lucky we were to have a happy and loving marriage and two boys that are healthy that we love to pieces and that is all that matters everything else in life is just gravy. I haven't found the lesson or happy moral to the loss of sweet Dylan. I think I crave his little body rolling and kicking me in my tummy too much yet. I have a variety of health problems and think this might be the end of the line for us having kids and am mourning that as well. My heart and mind are doing constant battle over the good and bad points of this. How does one close the door on your fertility and the grand posibility of a baby, I haven't got an answer yet, don't know if I will.

I hope for your speedy recovery and as little pain as possible. I pray that you are surrounded by love and support and know that I am here if you want to chat. I was afraid at first to leave a message but it really has helped even if sometimes you are typing through tears. Everyone here understands and that means the world when you are trying to put the pieces of your heart back together. I am sending tons of hugs, I hope you feel them. I will be thinking of you. Susie

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