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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

I know exactly what you mean about looking at other children that would be the age of the child you lost and wondering what Shawn (he would be 3) would like and which one of us he would take after. I am having a real hard time right now seeing other women with new babies, I don't begrudge them the joy having a baby, I just so ache to have mine to hold. Actually the most preferrable state would be for me to still be pregnant and feeling Dylan rolling around and kicking me. We had just gained that connection with each other and I have always found it to be the most special feeling in the world and I miss it so much.

I like to believe that someday we will be reunited with our children and I'm sure your daughter is up in heaven waiting for all the hugs and kisses you can give. I am so happy that you were able to have two wonderful boys, I am so grateful for mine, I don't think I could get through this without their love (the hugs, kisses and cuddles are helping me so much).

I saw my OB on Monday, I so did not want to see him yet. His practice is attached to the hospital and I didn't want to go back there yet. Physically I am doing good, my bleeding is lighter and my milk is gone after about 5 days of very sore and large breasts. I hate the fact that my body was producing milk for a baby I couldn't give it too, I know its just nature running its course but it still made me cry. Dylan's placenta showed some imflammation but my doc figures it was from my amniotic sac being prolapsed. The cord also only had one artery instead of two but he didn't think that had anything to do with it and Dylan didn't have any abnormalities so it looks like it is definately an issue with my cervix. My doc thinks the bad uterine infection I had during and after having our 10 year old weakend my cervix so I would need a cervical cerclage in the future. I see my doctor again in 4 weeks and he is going to do a whole bunch of tests to rule out any other problems and then we'll see what happens.

I like that you continue to include your daughter in your family. I am working on scrapbooks and shadow boxes for each of our angel babies. I don't want to have them put away in boxes and never brought out again, I am hoping that by doing this is will help me deal with losing Dylan as well as Shawn.

Thank you for your kind words and support they mean the world to me. I feel like the color gray right now and kind words or hugs bring me some light, so thank you.


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