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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


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jo,

I think I am doing better but then again, I am now medicated....my rheumatologist started me on Cymbalta to help with the pain I have from my fibromyalgia but also to help with my depression. He felt I had become depressed early in the pregnancy because I threw up any pain meds I was allowed and the rest of my meds had been taken away because they weren't safe for the baby. I was in a lot pain and not handling it well, so he had me try Wellbutrin which didn't agree with me so now it's Cymbalta. I have the hugest pupils (if I were to get pulled over by a cop I would look very suspicious ;) )but I do feel a little calmer. I still feel a deep sadness that goes down to my soul and having thoughts of why?, what did I do to deserve this?, etc. I definately think I am getting to the anger stage, my babies were alive inside me until they started to be delivered. I hate that they died inside me. I hate that they had to die when I know they were fighting to live and I couldn't do anything about it. I hate feeling so helpless. Anger, check, I defineately feel that along with continued sadness and guilt.

I was talking to a friend of mine over the weekend who understands how hard it is to lose a baby. She suffered five losses in a row before they diagnosed her with lupus, she now has a 3 year old and a 7 month old and has had her tubes tied. She understood to a degree, she didn't have to give birth to any of her lost babies and then bury them but she still understood my feelings more than someone who had never had any problems like this. Some people just don't get it, like my hubby's siblings, they act like it is no big deal. My dad takes the cake though (we don't really talk, he kind of divorced our family when my parents go divorced when I was 17), my brother was the one to break the news to him and all he had to say was, "That's a bummer." I could say many choice words that would sure to be censored out, God only knows if he will send us a card. :mad: Thank God for my Mom, she is an angel, and has listened to just been there for me!!!!

You will bond with your baby, if not now, after you deliver and hold that little bundle for the first time you will melt and your heart will belong always to your child. You have just been nervous and I don't blame you one bit, so don't be too hard on yourself. I so very happy for you, jealous, but happy.

I wish you all the best in the world!!!!!

Susie
Hi Susie
I have found myself wondering why some people have not acknowledged my loss. there are some that know about it and are just afraid to say anything. I was talking to someone yesterday (one of my son's friends Mom) and I thought my friend too! and she didn't mention it or say I'm sorry or are you ok, nothing. So I finally said to her, so you heard that we lost the baby and she said yes and how sorry she was. But she didn't want to mention it in case I wasn't thinking about it at the time. She said that she has been wanting to see if I was ok, but was afraid to come by and wanted to give us some time. She said when she saw my husband and she asked how I was feeling he told her about the mc. She was shocked and just felt horrible. She said that she thought he didn't seem that well either and needed some time. I think that people really feel for you they just do not know how to act or what to say. unfortunately, some years ago my husband was in a serious accident and was really not doing well (He's fine now). I experienced this with people being afraid of you and not knowing what to say. Since then if something happens to another person, I always just go up to them and tell them how sorry I am to hear thier news. And I've found that they are so appreciative that you acknowledge their pain, that it just opens a door and they are free to talk. But that is how I am, I like to put everything out there so that there is not this uncomfortable tension when something has not been said. Hope this makes sense and I'm not just going on like I usually do:) .
So I really do think that they care for you. I hope you are well.
XO D





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