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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Dawn,
What an incredibly strong and supportive post you left for me, then as I am reading I find out your baby has passed away and you are awaiting a d & c and I immediately started crying. I am so very sorry, my prayers will be with you. Your strength and belief in God is what is sustaining you right now, I envy you that, I believe in God I just happen to feel a little angry with him yet. I hope the procedure goes well. Are you going to get to see the baby afterwards? I hope so, it is something that forever binds you to that child, it also makes letting them go harder, but I would take the pain of letting both of my boys go over never getting to see them, touch and kiss them, and send them off with tear tinged love and kisses. I am surprised they are doing a d & c instead of inducing you. I have to warn you, your milk will probably come in and weigh heavily on your heart.

I know you are being strong right now, but if you need to cry, scream, hit a pillow, whatever it is do it, you will feel better not bottling the pain up inside. I hope you have supportive friends and family around you during this stressful time. My husband has been wonderful as has my mom, she's my rock (God bless her, I am so lucky to have her). I do talk to God every night trying to deal with all that has happened and I always ask him to keep an eye on my boys, then I always say goodnight to Shawn and Dylan, I tell them how very much I love and miss them, to take good care of their grandparents (my hubby's parents have been gone for many years now), and to please never forget their mommy because she will never forget them. The baby you lost previously and the one you still carry that has already went on ahead took your love with them but will always leave a part of themselves with you to remember them by and think of them with love.

If I had a magic wand or a genii in a bottle I would wish all the suffering away that is talked about on this and all the boards, but it is not to be. I don't know why bad things have to happen but I do know that we grow and change from them. When we lost Shawn in 2003 he really opened our eyes to just how lucky we were to have a happy and loving marriage and two boys that are healthy that we love to pieces and that is all that matters everything else in life is just gravy. I haven't found the lesson or happy moral to the loss of sweet Dylan. I think I crave his little body rolling and kicking me in my tummy too much yet. I have a variety of health problems and think this might be the end of the line for us having kids and am mourning that as well. My heart and mind are doing constant battle over the good and bad points of this. How does one close the door on your fertility and the grand posibility of a baby, I haven't got an answer yet, don't know if I will.

I hope for your speedy recovery and as little pain as possible. I pray that you are surrounded by love and support and know that I am here if you want to chat. I was afraid at first to leave a message but it really has helped even if sometimes you are typing through tears. Everyone here understands and that means the world when you are trying to put the pieces of your heart back together. I am sending tons of hugs, I hope you feel them. I will be thinking of you. Susie





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