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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

Thank you for all the love, support and hugs, they are greatly appreciated!!!!

Skyye, I am so sorry you had to go through this too. How are you doing now? Did you decide to try again for a child? If I am being nosy, I am sorry, I just hope you are happy and that things are good with you.

Flutter, I am so sorry for the loss of your Sam, HUGS!!! I will be thinking of you and hope you are doing well. If I would get pregnant again they would do a cervical cerclage where they sew the cervix shut at around 12 weeks. There are still risks with doing the cervclage but right now I dont think it will come to be an option for us, my dh is completely against us getting pregnant again, he said, "Don't you think 7 pregnancies is enough for us to go through. He is very mad about losing another child right now and would do just about anything to not go through that again including him going and getting a vasectomy (He has been way too nervous about having one done that it has been put off for years which led to us having both Shawn and Dylan). I think maybe somehow he thinks if he had, had a vasectomy earlier we could have prevented these losses. I HATE, HATE, the fact that both Shawn and Dylan died I wouldn't go back and not want to have them, because they will always be with me and I know they took a chunk of my heart with them.

I don't know if it is just greiving but I desperately want to get pregnant again, which if I continue to feel this way will become a battle and I don't want that. I love my hubby dearly and I have only been pregnant with his babies (we were high school sweethearts). He wants me to be thankful for our two boys that we have here and I am eternally grateful. But God almighty the desire for a baby is SOOOO strong. I know I am not mentally ready to get pregnant again much less physically my milk finally went away and I'm still bleeding, but my mind is having fun with me all filled baby desires...ugh.

Thank you for sharing your poem, Peace, it is really special and means a lot to me that you shared it. What a beautiful way to honor your baby who I'm sure feels how much you care up in heaven.

ASDGRMama, you have been through so much too!! I am so sorry for all you have had to go through, you have been so strong. I hope I don't bring up bad memories by asking this, but all of your pregnancies have ended in miscarriage? I hope and pray that you are blessed with a child!!! Did they do any testing to find out why things keep happening? I feel like I could just hold you, which would make me cry, but I still want to give you a hug.

I didn't even know it was an option to bring your baby home and bury it yourself. We were given the option of setting up our own private burial or allowing the hospital to bury our baby (different hospital with Shawn and Dylan) in a community plot with other babies that have been lost. I just couldn't imagine not knowing exactly where my babies were and I wanted them to each have their own headstones to let the world know that they were here and that they mattered. There are too many people out there who have never lost a baby who just do not get it, it doesn't matter how old the baby was when it died it was a part of you physically and mentally, and needs to be mourned.

Hugs and love to all of you who have shared your stories and support. I wish you all the best in the future whether it includes more babies or not. I never went to a support group after we lost Shawn but I think I will go to next months meeting because talking with all of you and reading the joy and sorrow that you have shared has helped me so much. Thank you everyone!!!
Hi Susie
just to let you know that Ive been thinking about you all weekend and I hope you are ok recovery takes such a long time. The main reason I never went to the counsilor was because they wouldnt be able to give me a reason why my babies died and also how could they possibly understand unless its happened to them, to be honest I find it difficult talking to anyone I know at all thats why these boards have been so helpful. I think losing my babies made me very bitter and resentful especially as I did everything right when I was pregnant. Although I have causes for why they died not knowing why is so hard for me. dont know if your feeling the same why as I did and still do but that feeling is so hard to have to go through and I just wanted you to know that your not alone
thankyou for the congrats on this pregnany although to tell you the truth this time last year would have meant the world to me to get this far, now I havnt got long left I cant help feeling that I havnt bonded with this baby at all I even think that maybe I dont even want this baby as I have prepared myself to lose him during pregnancy hopefully just the hormones talking and all that will change when hes born
wishing you all the best and please look after yourself and your relationship because the most traumatic thing that has happened to you happened together and you need each other for that
all the best

I think I am doing better but then again, I am now rheumatologist started me on Cymbalta to help with the pain I have from my fibromyalgia but also to help with my depression. He felt I had become depressed early in the pregnancy because I threw up any pain meds I was allowed and the rest of my meds had been taken away because they weren't safe for the baby. I was in a lot pain and not handling it well, so he had me try Wellbutrin which didn't agree with me so now it's Cymbalta. I have the hugest pupils (if I were to get pulled over by a cop I would look very suspicious ;) )but I do feel a little calmer. I still feel a deep sadness that goes down to my soul and having thoughts of why?, what did I do to deserve this?, etc. I definately think I am getting to the anger stage, my babies were alive inside me until they started to be delivered. I hate that they died inside me. I hate that they had to die when I know they were fighting to live and I couldn't do anything about it. I hate feeling so helpless. Anger, check, I defineately feel that along with continued sadness and guilt.

I was talking to a friend of mine over the weekend who understands how hard it is to lose a baby. She suffered five losses in a row before they diagnosed her with lupus, she now has a 3 year old and a 7 month old and has had her tubes tied. She understood to a degree, she didn't have to give birth to any of her lost babies and then bury them but she still understood my feelings more than someone who had never had any problems like this. Some people just don't get it, like my hubby's siblings, they act like it is no big deal. My dad takes the cake though (we don't really talk, he kind of divorced our family when my parents go divorced when I was 17), my brother was the one to break the news to him and all he had to say was, "That's a bummer." I could say many choice words that would sure to be censored out, God only knows if he will send us a card. :mad: Thank God for my Mom, she is an angel, and has listened to just been there for me!!!!

You will bond with your baby, if not now, after you deliver and hold that little bundle for the first time you will melt and your heart will belong always to your child. You have just been nervous and I don't blame you one bit, so don't be too hard on yourself. I so very happy for you, jealous, but happy.

I wish you all the best in the world!!!!!


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