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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Hi everyone
I am sooo sorry to hear about everyone's losses.
I found this site by googling miscarriage at 17 weeks and came across a thread that was started earlier in the month. It was soooo similar to my situation that I decided to write as well.

I am writing about what happened because I can't seem to stop replaying everything in my mind. I just keep waking in the middle of the night and realizing I'm no longer pregnant and I'm just so heartbroken I can't stand it.
Last tues 1/30/07 (exactly 17 weeks pregnant) I woke up to some very light spotting. I noticed something in the toilet after I peed that reminded me of a mucus plug that is sometimes a signal that labor is going to begin. (I am completely fortunate to have two healthy little boys). I tried not to panic but I knew something wasn't right. The day before I had some lower back pain and even noted that i felt like I was going to get my period. I called the OB and they said to come in the morning. I go to a group of doctors, the one I was scheduled to see got called away to deliver a baby. But another OB agreed to fit me in after I insisted that I was having a problem. So I finally got into the doctors office and she could not find the baby's hearbeat and that my uterus was measuring a little small for 17 weeks. She told me not to overreact but she would send me for an ultrasound right away.

Up until that point everything had checked out. I had an ultrasound at 13 weeks and the baby was very active with a heart rate in the 150's. The ultrasound was part of the 1st screen test which also came back fine. The week before at 16 weeks I went for a checkup and did have a funny feeling about the appointment. It was a new doctor that I had not seen before and I felt she was short with me. She could not locate the baby's heartbeat for a while and then said that she found it (162) and that she could hear the baby moving away from the doppler. I didn't hear it. She said to schedule an appt for 3 weeks and I asked her about scheduling the ultrasound and she just said - "yea go ahead". I know this sounds strange but I am wondering if she really heard the baby's heartbeat? I did have my 5 year old with me so maybe she didn't want to tell me then?

Anyhow I called my husband and had him meet me at the hospital for the ultrasound. I didn't want to alarm him so I just told him that I was spotting slightly and they wanted to do an ultrasound. I still was optimistic that the baby was fine and my uterus was just in a funny position. But I asked the technician right away about the heartbeat and she said she would do measurements first and she had not gotten to that yet. She grew quiet and I knew she couldn't find the heartbeat. They sent us back to the OB office. The doctor told me that the baby was measuring about 14 weeks and had not made it. She told me that we would have to schedule a D&E and they would call me with a date and time. I asked her if my body was going to go into labor and she just said that I should really schedule the surgery. I truly did not know what was going to happen. This was considered a missed miscarriage bc the baby had died and I had not gone into labor yet.

Sorry this is so lengthy. So we went home to my two beautiful boys and just rested and cried. I did not know what to tell my 5 & 3 year olds. So we didn't tell them anything for now. They had been discussing names for the baby - Moe for a boy and Sophie for a girl. My 3 year old wanted Dino (for dinosaur) if it was a boy or a girl. But they knew something was not right and were super clingly to me for the entire evening.

So I woke up around 4AM with incredible cramps. I could barely move they were getting worse quickly. Since I had been through labor before i just thought that they would go on for a while without anything else happening. But I felt a huge gush of blood and rushed to the bathroom. I was completely covered with blood and starting to clean myself up when I felt something pass and I knew it was the baby. I was so scared I just held the baby as my husband called 911. I didn't know what to do the baby was still attached to a very thin thread of an umbilical cord and I wasn't sure if I could cut it or not. Besides the fact that I was sooo frightened, i barely looked at the baby. He fit it my one hand (we found out later that he was a boy). The EMT people helped me and took me to the hospital. I wish I wasn't so afraid.

At the hospital, I continued to bleed and finally delivered the placenta when my real ob got there. The nurse thought I had delievered the placenta earlier when I went to the bathroom but it must have been a huge blood clot. My blood pressure kept dropping to 60 over 30 and I just kept feeling like I was going to pass out. I finally started to come around and the nurse wanted to know if we wanted to see the baby. I still wasn't sure but my husband had not gotten a good look and did want to see him. He was so precious and perfect looking with his little hands and feet. That's when the nurse said they thought he was a boy and showed us why. I quickly said goodbye to him. I know I keep saying this but I wish I just spent a few more minutes with him to tell him how much I loved him from the moment we found out we were expecting. I just kept getting so dizzy whenever I saw him. We decided to name him Jack:angel: . I want to have a small memorial with my husband and I to say goodbye. The hospital said that the baby will be buried in a special plot designated for this situation in a christian manner (it was a catholic hospital). This sounds ok with me as we do not have any cemetery plots, etc. I want him to be with other small babies. But I would like to give him something, maybe a small blanket or toy to keep him warm and not alone. Hopefully we can figure all of this out in the early part of next week.

Thank you so much for listening (if you could even make it through all of this). I wish you all the best. I know that it is going to take a while to get through this. The way everything happened was soo unexpected and I never expected to deliver my dead baby at my house but I do feel fortunate that I was able to see him and hold him for a short time. If I had the procedure I would not have had that opportunity. Although I feel traumatized, I am glad for that. I know that I need to be there for my two wonderful boys, so I will probably seek counseling to try and help. I hope it does because the way I feel now is that things will never be better.

Thanks again for listening.
Hi deeflynn,

I too had a miscarriage at 17 weeks and i'm not sure if it was my post that you read that you related to your own experience, however they sound very similar! I too passed my baby & knew what it was :dizzy:

The nurse on duty when i went into the hospital checked for my baby's heartbeat using a doppler also & she also said that she heard my baby's heartbeat. But just like you, i wasn't convinced so i wanted another opinion. It was only by chance that my obstetrician came in, as there were two other lady's with problems who had the same obstetrician as me. Otherwise the nurse was going to send me home! I couldn't believe it when the nurse told me that they have the ultrasound equipment on campus, but are not qualified to use it :mad: This really got my goat, because in situations like this we need assurance & being left in limbo & being given false hope is wrong.

I think you should make a complaint, as your baby was deceased 2 weeks prior to you being told by that Obstetrician that she heard a heartbeat. I think that if they are in doubt (or until we are convinced 100%), they should not make comments as to whether our baby's are ok or not! The nurse that was searching for my baby's heartbeat said to me "Either you have a very active bowel or a very athletic baby", totally making it sound as though everything was ok. I can remember her words off by heart, and i can't get over how she tried to raise my hopes when she obviously had some doubt. She shouldn't have speculated!!! She even got another nurse to try & find the heartbeat, but she also struggled & in the end just agreed with the first nurse & said that she thinks everything will be fine (which it wasn't).

As numb as i was when i was told by my Obstetrician that my baby had died, i can still remember the look on the nurses face when he was looking at the screen. My Obstetrician was not saying much, but i could tell by the way he was looking at the screen and the expression on his face that it wasn't good & the nurse could see it also. So when he told me the news, the nurse wouldn't even make eye contact and although that was the last thing that was going through my mind at the time, i remembered afterwards how she just looked shocked and possibly worried because of what she had told me earlier & then she didn't say a word & just walked out of the room. If i had been thinking straight at the time (which, to be honest..... none of us do), i would have told her to spare people the extra pain & not make uneducated guesses without 100% certainty :mad:

I'm sorry i've made this post into something about me. I'm just trying to share my experience because our cases sound very similar & it angers me that not only 1 nurse, but 2 (yours was an obstretrician), have put us through this heartache. Something does need to be done & i feel like writing a complaint in regards to the matter so that noone else should have to endure that same disappointment & pain!!! Atleast not from the same nurse who said it to me. She could well have learnt her lesson & be more certain in the future, but i do think that it can't hurt & it will show her that people's feelings shouldn't be treated in that way. I miscarried on the 9th December 2006 so my pain is also still very raw & i'm sure the hospital won't ask why the complaint has come months after it happened because they would know that we're not exactly going to make a complaint right there on the spot after we have just been told that our precious child has died :angel:

Anyhow my advise to you is to atleast speak to someone about what happened, even if you don't make a formal complaint (just to let the obstetrician & other relevant people know) that this happened. It weighs on my mind constantly & everyone i tell just says "What a silly nurse.... why did she say that?" and that's the question that keeps coming into my mind aswell & i just can't answer it. It hurts that she said what she did, but i am glad i trusted my instincts & got to see my Obstetrician, otherwise i would have come home & been worried out of my mind :confused:

Well i'd better stop rambling, but stay positive and keep your chin up hun :)

Warm hugs Crystal xoxoxox
I did a search through ****** to find someone that had a similar experience as me. I ended up finding a few posts that sounded so similar to what I just went through. I went for my routine prenatal Dr. appointment on Wednesday. At that time I was 15 weeks. The Dr. came in and tried finding the heartbeat with the doppler but couldn't. She left the room to get the portable ultrasound machine and quickly returned. She put the gel on my belly and began to look. I could see my precious baby right there on the screen. It probaly took 10 minutes, but felt like 30. I could tell by her facial expressions and lack of saying anything that something was wrong. She turned the machine off and quietly said to me, "I'm very concerned. I don't see a heartbeat and there is no fetal movement." I felt as if I was having an out of body experience. She can't possibly be telling me this. Everything up until this point was going so perfectly. I just saw the baby 4 days ago by ultrasound and saw the heart beating! At 11 weeks I had an ultrasound and it was so active. Everything looked so perfect. I saw the tiny fingers and toes. A very healthy heartbeat. She also told me she thought it was a boy! I was able to have more ultrasound there usual because my friend is a tech and she would scan me for fun. Well then the Dr. told me the machine was old and she wanted me to go down the hall and have another ultrasound with a better machine. Sadly she didn't see a heartbeat either. The Dr. had me come into her office and told me I had 2 options. I could have a D&E or they could induce me to deliver the baby. She told me to go home, discuss it with my husband and she would call me in the evening. I left her office numb. This has to be a nightmare. Have 2 beautiful daughters Kayla age 4 and Kelsey age 2 1/2. I had 2 great healthy pregnancies. This is something that happens to other people not me. My husband and I decided to be induced and deliver our baby. I wanted to see him. So on Thurday morning I went to the hospital. They started the induction around 8:30 am and around 9:50 pm my water broke. I started getting uncomfortable so I asked for an epidural. I asked the nurse if I could use the bathroom before they put it in. I sat down to go and I felt something strange then heard a plop. The baby had come out in this little container that they put in the toilet to measure your pee. I felt so awful, I called the nurse in, I just couldn't turn around and look at it. She took it and cleaned it up and brought it out to us. Here it was laying on a blanket. About 6 inches long looking so perfect, at least to me and my husband. Somebody else lokking at it might not agree. It had a red gel-llike substance all over it. I could see all 10 fingers and all 10 toes. Little mouth, ears, nose, eyes. What the nurse notice is right at the bellybutton the cord was twisted at least 3X very tight. The Dr. came in and said the baby looked like it had developed normally up until this point. Visually all he could see wrong was the cord. He said if he were to guess, that is what the cause of death is. My husband and I sat there for hours just staring and sobbing holding her. A priest came in and blessed her. We decided to have her cremated after the autopsy is performed. We felt that it was the right thing to do.It was so hard to let her go. I feel so empty. I just came home from the hospital this morning. I still can't believe this has happend. I want my little girl-:angel: Karena April. I just want you to know that reading your posts gave me some comfort. I am very sorry for your losses. This is so hard to go through.:(

Kristin
Hi Kristen,
I was surprised to see my post bumped up here after all this time. It was the first time I had posted and somehow I got a smiley face on there and it doesn't warrant a smiley face at all! :( I must have clicked something by accident. As you can see I still check in here. The last few months we have been trying to get pregnant again and I did get a positive test but miscarried a few days past when my period was due. I actually wasn't that upset about that aside from being excited to get a BFP and then let down a couple of days later. It seems like such a roller coaster ride. But what it did was bring back my late miscarriage from earlier in the year and still wishing things had turned out differently.

When it happened I did the same thing and scoured the internet for information and came across a couple of posts on this board that were similar to my story. It seemed like a dream or something that happened to someone else. And now I've been on the internet again since we miscarried and wondering if I will be able to have another baby. I worried that I was getting too old to be pregnant (last year I was 37 & now 38). Although I never thought that at all when I was pregnant this last time. And now I think my hormones etc are all messed up from losing the baby when I was previously very regular and we never had a problem getting pregnant before. Anyhow it has been a trying time and I think losing a baby like that really does a number on your self esteem

Reading these posts and talking to people who have been through the same thing does seem to help. My husband was very supportive and continued to listen to me rehash what happened. I think itís just so unexpected to lose a baby like that and especially when everything checked out prior. We never found a reason for losing the baby Ė although Iím not sure that would make anything better. We also decided to have the baby cremated and I havenít felt like parting with her. I thought that we would spread her ashes somewhere but now I just donít think I can do that. Hope you are starting to get through the healing process. I know that with my 2 little ones I knew that they needed me to be ok and not depressed etc. I found that I started to feel better and stronger and then my due started to approach and I really had a hard time with it. But after that I did start to feel more like myself. Definitely take your time through this and I hope that you are well on your way to healing. Iím so sorry this happened to you. It is very scary and an awful thing to go through. I really found that it helped me to write about it. Take extra good care of yourself.
Dee





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