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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Hi deeflynn,

I too had a miscarriage at 17 weeks and i'm not sure if it was my post that you read that you related to your own experience, however they sound very similar! I too passed my baby & knew what it was :dizzy:

The nurse on duty when i went into the hospital checked for my baby's heartbeat using a doppler also & she also said that she heard my baby's heartbeat. But just like you, i wasn't convinced so i wanted another opinion. It was only by chance that my obstetrician came in, as there were two other lady's with problems who had the same obstetrician as me. Otherwise the nurse was going to send me home! I couldn't believe it when the nurse told me that they have the ultrasound equipment on campus, but are not qualified to use it :mad: This really got my goat, because in situations like this we need assurance & being left in limbo & being given false hope is wrong.

I think you should make a complaint, as your baby was deceased 2 weeks prior to you being told by that Obstetrician that she heard a heartbeat. I think that if they are in doubt (or until we are convinced 100%), they should not make comments as to whether our baby's are ok or not! The nurse that was searching for my baby's heartbeat said to me "Either you have a very active bowel or a very athletic baby", totally making it sound as though everything was ok. I can remember her words off by heart, and i can't get over how she tried to raise my hopes when she obviously had some doubt. She shouldn't have speculated!!! She even got another nurse to try & find the heartbeat, but she also struggled & in the end just agreed with the first nurse & said that she thinks everything will be fine (which it wasn't).

As numb as i was when i was told by my Obstetrician that my baby had died, i can still remember the look on the nurses face when he was looking at the screen. My Obstetrician was not saying much, but i could tell by the way he was looking at the screen and the expression on his face that it wasn't good & the nurse could see it also. So when he told me the news, the nurse wouldn't even make eye contact and although that was the last thing that was going through my mind at the time, i remembered afterwards how she just looked shocked and possibly worried because of what she had told me earlier & then she didn't say a word & just walked out of the room. If i had been thinking straight at the time (which, to be honest..... none of us do), i would have told her to spare people the extra pain & not make uneducated guesses without 100% certainty :mad:

I'm sorry i've made this post into something about me. I'm just trying to share my experience because our cases sound very similar & it angers me that not only 1 nurse, but 2 (yours was an obstretrician), have put us through this heartache. Something does need to be done & i feel like writing a complaint in regards to the matter so that noone else should have to endure that same disappointment & pain!!! Atleast not from the same nurse who said it to me. She could well have learnt her lesson & be more certain in the future, but i do think that it can't hurt & it will show her that people's feelings shouldn't be treated in that way. I miscarried on the 9th December 2006 so my pain is also still very raw & i'm sure the hospital won't ask why the complaint has come months after it happened because they would know that we're not exactly going to make a complaint right there on the spot after we have just been told that our precious child has died :angel:

Anyhow my advise to you is to atleast speak to someone about what happened, even if you don't make a formal complaint (just to let the obstetrician & other relevant people know) that this happened. It weighs on my mind constantly & everyone i tell just says "What a silly nurse.... why did she say that?" and that's the question that keeps coming into my mind aswell & i just can't answer it. It hurts that she said what she did, but i am glad i trusted my instincts & got to see my Obstetrician, otherwise i would have come home & been worried out of my mind :confused:

Well i'd better stop rambling, but stay positive and keep your chin up hun :)

Warm hugs Crystal xoxoxox
Hi Dee,

I'm really glad that you are able to vent & express your feelings openly. That's what we all need to do & never worry about rambling too much, cos we all do it & if there was a penalty for it.... i'd be broke :D

With your waters breaking & there being blood, i know that when my waters broke while i was aleep, i didn't really look at the colour of it as i was so unsuspecting that i was miscarrying & i put it down to a bed wetting accident (which i did think was unusual, but thought the baby may have been pressing on my bladder). So when i hopped out of the shower, i noticed a drop of blood at my feet & that's when i realised i was bleeding, & when i stripped the bed, the liquid that i had expelled from my waters breaking just looked clear, however the next day when i was washing my sheets & cleaning my underlay, i noticed it did have a pinky coloured tinge to it which i didn't notice the night before when i had stripped the bed! So your blood that you saw with your waters breaking could well have just been normal & your body expelled both at the same time, whereas with me, it seemed that it was mainly my waters at first, followed by blood a couple of minutes later, (by this time i was out of bed already).

It's still a good idea to ask your Obstetrician on your follow up appointment though just to make sure, cos it could have also been that there was a hemorrage from your placenta which caused the miscarriage. You never know until you get your results back. With my results they all came back normal & they noted a small rupture on the placenta, however they said that this was caused as a result of the miscarriage... not the cause of the miscarriage!!! Hope that makes sense! So that was a bit of a relief, although no answers is a bit frustrating & worrying, (but i guess with no obvious cause, it is easier to put it down to chance & hope that it was just a one-off). Did your POC (Products of Conception) get sent away to be tested??? If so, hopefully the results will give you some indication as to whether it was just a natural cause or not?

Isn't it strange how when something like this happens, people around us start coming out of the woodwork with the same experiences & we didn't even know about it. People who we see nearly every day & they held it all inside them & wore a social mask to mask their pain!!!

When i miscarried, so many people (i could count 10 off hand) came out & told me that they had the same thing happen to them & although it is comforting to know that you are not the only one experiencing this.... it is also scary to think that it is sooo common & when i think about that, i am just so afraid, that with those statistics it could well happen again. But on the other hand, i try to think positively & tell myself that i have had my heartache & next time everything will be fine. I know to well though, that it isn't always just a one off & that it can happen 2 or maybe 3 times & that kills me! To read about the other lady's stories who have experienced this more than once is heartbreaking & i truly hope that they can all get their faith back & heal properly!

I too hope that you can get past the immense pain that you are feeling now, but remember you have to grieve properly to be able to do that & although i found it hard to cry & for some reason felt like i had to be strong for others & hold them while they cried for me..... somehow i made it through & i'm not saying that i have completely come to terms with what has happened, but more that i have accepted that it has, and i realise that life has to go on & i want to begin another new life inside of me....... one that will help me even more with my healing process..... without forgetting my little angel Caitlyn :angel:

My husband & i waited for my first normal cycle to come & go (because my OB advised us that this would minimise the chances of another miscarriage), & then we started trying again, so i am basically due now for my 2nd period since my D& C & i am not sure what to expect really. Because i was on the contracetive pill for 6 years before trying to fall pregnant the first time, i wasn't really sure of my cycle length because while i was on the pill, it was spot on by the packet, so it's hard to determine whether i am late or not!!! Since going off the pill, it took me 4 & a half months to fall pregant (with Caitlyn), & that's because my body was getting back into it's own swing of things & my cycle length was changing every month :confused:

The first cycle before falling with Caitlyn was 32 days, then the next was 36 days & then the next one didn't come because i was pregnant...... so as you can see, i'm definately not regular & at the moment i am on day 35 of my cycle, so going by my cycle length before i fell pregnant the first time, i am still within normal cycle length & could still be possibly getting my period within the next couple of days..... i hope not though ;)

I wasn't sure whether to wait one or two cycles before trying to fall pregnant again, as there was no right advise (everyone's opinions were different), & although some people say to leave it 2 cycles before trying again, i sooo desperately wanted another baby to help me fill that void & help with the healing process, so we started after the first cycle.... & i felt ready emotionally at this time also! So if i don't get him/her this time, i guess there is next month & to me if it doesn't happen this time around, then it's probably because my body knows that it needed more time to heal & prepare itself for another pregnancy.... a healthy pregnancy :D

I found comfort in an article i read that said "Sometimes our bodies are not ready physically to follow through with a full-term pregancy, therefore they sometimes need a trial run". Not sure if you will find that same comfort, but i did ;)

Just remember that there is no right or wrong way/time frame to grieve & your pain is still very raw! My best advise to you is to keep talking about it to people you can open up to, & most of all.... talk to your husband about it! I know when my husband & i lost Caitlyn, i talked to him about it so many times a day for about 1 week :confused: I didn't want him to feel as though he couldn't ask me questions & i wanted him to feel comfortable talking about it rather than doing the man thing & not talking about it for fear of upsetting me. Talking about it with him helped me tremendously cos we discussed what we wanted to name her, what we would do with her ashes (not too sure anymore though.... still in the decision making process) & what questions to ask my OB when i had my follow up appointment etc. I think he felt relief that i was initiating conversations & i guess this helped him out a bit because then he didn't have to feel uneasy about broaching the subject.

Well anyhow i'll let you go now & i hope you CAN find your way to a stronger, more positive place within yourself (And you WILL), but first you need to grieve your loss & you seem as though you are doing that ;) You've taken this step anyway & you're talking to us, so keep your chin up & all the best for you in your future. I truly hope your path ahead is blessed.

With love & warm hugs, Crystal xoxoxox :wave:
Hi Kristen,
I was surprised to see my post bumped up here after all this time. It was the first time I had posted and somehow I got a smiley face on there and it doesn't warrant a smiley face at all! :( I must have clicked something by accident. As you can see I still check in here. The last few months we have been trying to get pregnant again and I did get a positive test but miscarried a few days past when my period was due. I actually wasn't that upset about that aside from being excited to get a BFP and then let down a couple of days later. It seems like such a roller coaster ride. But what it did was bring back my late miscarriage from earlier in the year and still wishing things had turned out differently.

When it happened I did the same thing and scoured the internet for information and came across a couple of posts on this board that were similar to my story. It seemed like a dream or something that happened to someone else. And now I've been on the internet again since we miscarried and wondering if I will be able to have another baby. I worried that I was getting too old to be pregnant (last year I was 37 & now 38). Although I never thought that at all when I was pregnant this last time. And now I think my hormones etc are all messed up from losing the baby when I was previously very regular and we never had a problem getting pregnant before. Anyhow it has been a trying time and I think losing a baby like that really does a number on your self esteem

Reading these posts and talking to people who have been through the same thing does seem to help. My husband was very supportive and continued to listen to me rehash what happened. I think itís just so unexpected to lose a baby like that and especially when everything checked out prior. We never found a reason for losing the baby Ė although Iím not sure that would make anything better. We also decided to have the baby cremated and I havenít felt like parting with her. I thought that we would spread her ashes somewhere but now I just donít think I can do that. Hope you are starting to get through the healing process. I know that with my 2 little ones I knew that they needed me to be ok and not depressed etc. I found that I started to feel better and stronger and then my due started to approach and I really had a hard time with it. But after that I did start to feel more like myself. Definitely take your time through this and I hope that you are well on your way to healing. Iím so sorry this happened to you. It is very scary and an awful thing to go through. I really found that it helped me to write about it. Take extra good care of yourself.
Dee





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