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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Hi
I have been wanting to write again.
It seems like much longer but it's been just over two weeks since I miscarried. It still feels like a bad dream and I so want my baby back...

Jo905, we did end up telling our 3&5 year olds a few days after the miscarriage. I know that they are small and still very literal but they were discussing the new baby's arrival. So after lamenting about what and when to tell them. I just said that we were not having another baby and that sometimes babies don't grow big and strong like they did. The hospital had given me some literature on explaining this to small children. As I thought my three year old said "ok, Mommy no baby" but my five year old was more inquisitive. He really wanted to know why we said a baby was coming and why now there wasn't one coming. So I kept trying to explain without crying that the baby couldn't grow in my tummy. And he finally said ok. But as much as I try to hide my sadness from them, they are very much aware that Mommy is not happy. My 5 year old has said to me a couple of times "don't worry be happy". The other thing that gets me is that we really waited to tell everyone over the holidays that we were pregnant as we were exactly 12 weeks. I completely thought we were in the clear.

Another thing that gets me right now is that I can't believe how many people do not know what to say to me and just think that I want all this time to myself. I have told people that I really don't know what to say about the whole thing either. But I do know that people telling me that it's ok because I already have two children or that I can try again just really does not seem to help. I so want to talk people about it but I can tell that some people feel uncomfortable. And of course, I'm sparing them the gory details. On the other hand there have been a few people who have told me that this has happened to them. My neighbor who has four older children (as in 20-30) found out that we lost the baby and came over to tell me that she had two late miscarriages (20 weeks and 15 weeks) after her 1st child. This reminded me of Susie's story. Susie I hope you see this but she had an incompetant cervix and went on to have 3 more children with the aid of a stitch in her cervix for each pregnancy. I hope that you are hanging in there and doing ok. I am thinking about you and wishing you the best.

Crystal thanks for your post. Your post is the one that I read when I first found this board. I was surprised at how similar a story it was, even down to the weeks pregnant, etc. Thank you for sharing. It does somehow help to know that others are going through similar problems, even though it's incredibly sad. You sound so strong and healthy, I want to be where you are. I still feel so weepy most days.

I do feel like my ob's were not taking care of me the way they should have. I was lucky to have two healthy pregnancies before this. They were pretty standard and textbook-like pregnancies and deliveries. With my second, I did develop gestational diabetes but was able to control it with diet alone. So I now know that one OB I saw at 16 weeks did not hear the baby's heartrate. Why would she say that she did and that she could hear the baby moving around and "running away from the doppler"? Only 4 days later, I returned to the office when I began to spot. They were going to send me home because the ob I was supposed to see got called away to deliver a baby. I just had a horrible feeling and thought I was going into labor. The ob that was still in the office did agree to see me after I told the receptionist again that I was having a problem. And she was concerned when she finally saw me. So as I wrote before it was confirmed with an ultrasound that the baby did not make it. When we went back to the office, the doctor just told us that they would call the next day to schedule a d&c or whatever. She did not give me any options and even when I asked her if I was going to go into labor she just said that I should schedule the surgery. No instructions or things to look out for, etc. I know that none of this will bring back the baby but I should have been given more information. I don't think that it was safe for me to deliver my baby at home in the middle of the night. It happened so quickly and when I got to the hospital they did not know if I had delivered the placenta etc. It just so happened that when i got up to pee they thought i did. But it wasn't until my ob came to the hospital she realized that i had not delivered it and she finally helped with that. So she did a good job with that and I'm glad that she was there bc the resident on staff at the time did not realize that. Hope this makes sense and I'm not rambling...

Anyhow, I am going for a followup visit on Monday and I do plan on telling the ob that I do not feel like they took care of me the way they should have. I do have another question for her, when my water broke it was quite bloody and I'm not sure why. I didn't think to ask when I was at the hospital but when my water broke for my previous pregnancies it was clear? So I am going to ask about that as well. I know that going into labor and delivering the baby was better for me physically but I wish that she had sent me right away to induce labor. It would have been safer to do this in a hospital. As I already was experiencing signs that labor was going to begin - spotting and the passing of a mucus plug.
Ok, I have gone on enough. Thanks for letting me vent and thanks to all for your kindness - it does help and I appreciate it during this rough time.
All my best - D
Hi again
I ended up going for my follow up check up with the OB since the mc. 3 weeks ago I mc'ed at 17 weeks. the ultrasound tech said that the baby measured about 14.5 weeks. But when I went for my checkup the labwork that has returned did not find anything unusual except they now said the baby measured 13 weeks. To recap, I had an ultrasound at 13 weeks and know for sure that the baby was still with us at that point. Next I had an office visit at 16 weeks with a new ob that I didn't know. She couldn't find the heartrate for a while and then said that she heard it (162) but I never heard it. She said that next time the baby would be bigger and she could find it quicker. Even that day I questioned if she really heard the heartbeat or not. I wish that I had pushed her to be more sure and to find the heartbeat again. I just need to realize that we will never know, but I'm inclined to believe that the baby was gone by then. the next week I start to spot and go back to the ob's and it is confirmed that the baby did not make it. I leave the office with the ob telling me that they will call to schedule a d&c. That night I spontaneously mc and deliver a small baby at my house.
It was very scary and i lost alot of blood and I was very dizzy. I told my Ob that I wished she had given me a heads up on what to do in case you spontaneously mc (even though it happened very quickly). It was the middle of the night and we needed to get someone over to the house to sit with the boys before we could leave and it was hard to get me to the hospital quickly, so we called 911. I just felt that she did not give me any advice even when I asked her that day if I was going to go into labor.

At this followup visit I did voice my concerns. My ob said that it was rare for someone to come into the office and find out that the baby didn't make and that night spontaneously mc. that usually they just are trying to deal with telling the parents the sad news. She also said that they do not induce labor at this point in a pregnancy. I just feel like if that ob didn't hear a heart beat she should have told me since mc's do not usually happen so fast I believe that I lost the baby somewhere between 13&16 weeks.

I know that at this point nothing will bring this baby back to me. And I do realize that having the mc happen naturally did save me the heartache of having to go through a d&c, so I know it's a mixed blessing. It's just that it was so scary. ok, Sorry for the ranting, I just still feel dissatisfied with my care at the ob office. thanks for letting me go on some more.
I think it's important to voice your concerns with medical professionals in general. I know that I will have to get over trying to figure out what happened. It's just that I want to know
Hope you are all well:wave:
D

PS - Crystal best wishes on ttc..hope to hear your news!1





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