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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Hi everyone
I am sooo sorry to hear about everyone's losses.
I found this site by googling miscarriage at 17 weeks and came across a thread that was started earlier in the month. It was soooo similar to my situation that I decided to write as well.

I am writing about what happened because I can't seem to stop replaying everything in my mind. I just keep waking in the middle of the night and realizing I'm no longer pregnant and I'm just so heartbroken I can't stand it.
Last tues 1/30/07 (exactly 17 weeks pregnant) I woke up to some very light spotting. I noticed something in the toilet after I peed that reminded me of a mucus plug that is sometimes a signal that labor is going to begin. (I am completely fortunate to have two healthy little boys). I tried not to panic but I knew something wasn't right. The day before I had some lower back pain and even noted that i felt like I was going to get my period. I called the OB and they said to come in the morning. I go to a group of doctors, the one I was scheduled to see got called away to deliver a baby. But another OB agreed to fit me in after I insisted that I was having a problem. So I finally got into the doctors office and she could not find the baby's hearbeat and that my uterus was measuring a little small for 17 weeks. She told me not to overreact but she would send me for an ultrasound right away.

Up until that point everything had checked out. I had an ultrasound at 13 weeks and the baby was very active with a heart rate in the 150's. The ultrasound was part of the 1st screen test which also came back fine. The week before at 16 weeks I went for a checkup and did have a funny feeling about the appointment. It was a new doctor that I had not seen before and I felt she was short with me. She could not locate the baby's heartbeat for a while and then said that she found it (162) and that she could hear the baby moving away from the doppler. I didn't hear it. She said to schedule an appt for 3 weeks and I asked her about scheduling the ultrasound and she just said - "yea go ahead". I know this sounds strange but I am wondering if she really heard the baby's heartbeat? I did have my 5 year old with me so maybe she didn't want to tell me then?

Anyhow I called my husband and had him meet me at the hospital for the ultrasound. I didn't want to alarm him so I just told him that I was spotting slightly and they wanted to do an ultrasound. I still was optimistic that the baby was fine and my uterus was just in a funny position. But I asked the technician right away about the heartbeat and she said she would do measurements first and she had not gotten to that yet. She grew quiet and I knew she couldn't find the heartbeat. They sent us back to the OB office. The doctor told me that the baby was measuring about 14 weeks and had not made it. She told me that we would have to schedule a D&E and they would call me with a date and time. I asked her if my body was going to go into labor and she just said that I should really schedule the surgery. I truly did not know what was going to happen. This was considered a missed miscarriage bc the baby had died and I had not gone into labor yet.

Sorry this is so lengthy. So we went home to my two beautiful boys and just rested and cried. I did not know what to tell my 5 & 3 year olds. So we didn't tell them anything for now. They had been discussing names for the baby - Moe for a boy and Sophie for a girl. My 3 year old wanted Dino (for dinosaur) if it was a boy or a girl. But they knew something was not right and were super clingly to me for the entire evening.

So I woke up around 4AM with incredible cramps. I could barely move they were getting worse quickly. Since I had been through labor before i just thought that they would go on for a while without anything else happening. But I felt a huge gush of blood and rushed to the bathroom. I was completely covered with blood and starting to clean myself up when I felt something pass and I knew it was the baby. I was so scared I just held the baby as my husband called 911. I didn't know what to do the baby was still attached to a very thin thread of an umbilical cord and I wasn't sure if I could cut it or not. Besides the fact that I was sooo frightened, i barely looked at the baby. He fit it my one hand (we found out later that he was a boy). The EMT people helped me and took me to the hospital. I wish I wasn't so afraid.

At the hospital, I continued to bleed and finally delivered the placenta when my real ob got there. The nurse thought I had delievered the placenta earlier when I went to the bathroom but it must have been a huge blood clot. My blood pressure kept dropping to 60 over 30 and I just kept feeling like I was going to pass out. I finally started to come around and the nurse wanted to know if we wanted to see the baby. I still wasn't sure but my husband had not gotten a good look and did want to see him. He was so precious and perfect looking with his little hands and feet. That's when the nurse said they thought he was a boy and showed us why. I quickly said goodbye to him. I know I keep saying this but I wish I just spent a few more minutes with him to tell him how much I loved him from the moment we found out we were expecting. I just kept getting so dizzy whenever I saw him. We decided to name him Jack:angel: . I want to have a small memorial with my husband and I to say goodbye. The hospital said that the baby will be buried in a special plot designated for this situation in a christian manner (it was a catholic hospital). This sounds ok with me as we do not have any cemetery plots, etc. I want him to be with other small babies. But I would like to give him something, maybe a small blanket or toy to keep him warm and not alone. Hopefully we can figure all of this out in the early part of next week.

Thank you so much for listening (if you could even make it through all of this). I wish you all the best. I know that it is going to take a while to get through this. The way everything happened was soo unexpected and I never expected to deliver my dead baby at my house but I do feel fortunate that I was able to see him and hold him for a short time. If I had the procedure I would not have had that opportunity. Although I feel traumatized, I am glad for that. I know that I need to be there for my two wonderful boys, so I will probably seek counseling to try and help. I hope it does because the way I feel now is that things will never be better.

Thanks again for listening.
Dear Susie Hi again
I did read your thread and was shocked that you had to go through such a trauma - twice!
Thankyou so much for your support. I just cannot fathom going through this twice. You must be very strong. And my heart goes out to you. i do have a wonderfully supportive family and friends but do not feel like they know what's going on with me. Most of them fortunately have not been through this. Many have said that they just don't know what to say which is understandable. And I have heard some say things like "well at least you have two already". Which I agree is the best thing in the world, but it does not make my loss any less severe. We were soo excited for this pregnancy and upcoming baby. I still cannot understand why something like this would happen. Hopefully I will start to process this turn of events. It's true that life can change in an instant.

I hope that the support group helps you. You deserve a good break and I will be thinking about you.
Take care
D
Jessica
Thankyou for your post. I agree that the event was very surreal to me as well. We actually didn't name the baby until we came home from the hospital. I spent most of the day at the hospital and basically laid in bed and couldn't see doing anything else. We really didn't get to thinking about what was going to happen to the baby and naming him. It wasn't until the next day when I told my husband that i didn't feel like I said goodbye properly. He called the hospital to figure out what our options were, and they basically said that it was up to us. So that is why we are going to set up a very private service. I still have not been able to tell everyone and I have a few friends that I hve been avoiding. I know that eventually we will catch up but i just can't seem to get through the story without crying my eyes out.

I hate that you have had to go through this as well. I wish you the best..
Take care
D
Hi deeflynn,

I too had a miscarriage at 17 weeks and i'm not sure if it was my post that you read that you related to your own experience, however they sound very similar! I too passed my baby & knew what it was :dizzy:

The nurse on duty when i went into the hospital checked for my baby's heartbeat using a doppler also & she also said that she heard my baby's heartbeat. But just like you, i wasn't convinced so i wanted another opinion. It was only by chance that my obstetrician came in, as there were two other lady's with problems who had the same obstetrician as me. Otherwise the nurse was going to send me home! I couldn't believe it when the nurse told me that they have the ultrasound equipment on campus, but are not qualified to use it :mad: This really got my goat, because in situations like this we need assurance & being left in limbo & being given false hope is wrong.

I think you should make a complaint, as your baby was deceased 2 weeks prior to you being told by that Obstetrician that she heard a heartbeat. I think that if they are in doubt (or until we are convinced 100%), they should not make comments as to whether our baby's are ok or not! The nurse that was searching for my baby's heartbeat said to me "Either you have a very active bowel or a very athletic baby", totally making it sound as though everything was ok. I can remember her words off by heart, and i can't get over how she tried to raise my hopes when she obviously had some doubt. She shouldn't have speculated!!! She even got another nurse to try & find the heartbeat, but she also struggled & in the end just agreed with the first nurse & said that she thinks everything will be fine (which it wasn't).

As numb as i was when i was told by my Obstetrician that my baby had died, i can still remember the look on the nurses face when he was looking at the screen. My Obstetrician was not saying much, but i could tell by the way he was looking at the screen and the expression on his face that it wasn't good & the nurse could see it also. So when he told me the news, the nurse wouldn't even make eye contact and although that was the last thing that was going through my mind at the time, i remembered afterwards how she just looked shocked and possibly worried because of what she had told me earlier & then she didn't say a word & just walked out of the room. If i had been thinking straight at the time (which, to be honest..... none of us do), i would have told her to spare people the extra pain & not make uneducated guesses without 100% certainty :mad:

I'm sorry i've made this post into something about me. I'm just trying to share my experience because our cases sound very similar & it angers me that not only 1 nurse, but 2 (yours was an obstretrician), have put us through this heartache. Something does need to be done & i feel like writing a complaint in regards to the matter so that noone else should have to endure that same disappointment & pain!!! Atleast not from the same nurse who said it to me. She could well have learnt her lesson & be more certain in the future, but i do think that it can't hurt & it will show her that people's feelings shouldn't be treated in that way. I miscarried on the 9th December 2006 so my pain is also still very raw & i'm sure the hospital won't ask why the complaint has come months after it happened because they would know that we're not exactly going to make a complaint right there on the spot after we have just been told that our precious child has died :angel:

Anyhow my advise to you is to atleast speak to someone about what happened, even if you don't make a formal complaint (just to let the obstetrician & other relevant people know) that this happened. It weighs on my mind constantly & everyone i tell just says "What a silly nurse.... why did she say that?" and that's the question that keeps coming into my mind aswell & i just can't answer it. It hurts that she said what she did, but i am glad i trusted my instincts & got to see my Obstetrician, otherwise i would have come home & been worried out of my mind :confused:

Well i'd better stop rambling, but stay positive and keep your chin up hun :)

Warm hugs Crystal xoxoxox
Hi
I have been wanting to write again.
It seems like much longer but it's been just over two weeks since I miscarried. It still feels like a bad dream and I so want my baby back...

Jo905, we did end up telling our 3&5 year olds a few days after the miscarriage. I know that they are small and still very literal but they were discussing the new baby's arrival. So after lamenting about what and when to tell them. I just said that we were not having another baby and that sometimes babies don't grow big and strong like they did. The hospital had given me some literature on explaining this to small children. As I thought my three year old said "ok, Mommy no baby" but my five year old was more inquisitive. He really wanted to know why we said a baby was coming and why now there wasn't one coming. So I kept trying to explain without crying that the baby couldn't grow in my tummy. And he finally said ok. But as much as I try to hide my sadness from them, they are very much aware that Mommy is not happy. My 5 year old has said to me a couple of times "don't worry be happy". The other thing that gets me is that we really waited to tell everyone over the holidays that we were pregnant as we were exactly 12 weeks. I completely thought we were in the clear.

Another thing that gets me right now is that I can't believe how many people do not know what to say to me and just think that I want all this time to myself. I have told people that I really don't know what to say about the whole thing either. But I do know that people telling me that it's ok because I already have two children or that I can try again just really does not seem to help. I so want to talk people about it but I can tell that some people feel uncomfortable. And of course, I'm sparing them the gory details. On the other hand there have been a few people who have told me that this has happened to them. My neighbor who has four older children (as in 20-30) found out that we lost the baby and came over to tell me that she had two late miscarriages (20 weeks and 15 weeks) after her 1st child. This reminded me of Susie's story. Susie I hope you see this but she had an incompetant cervix and went on to have 3 more children with the aid of a stitch in her cervix for each pregnancy. I hope that you are hanging in there and doing ok. I am thinking about you and wishing you the best.

Crystal thanks for your post. Your post is the one that I read when I first found this board. I was surprised at how similar a story it was, even down to the weeks pregnant, etc. Thank you for sharing. It does somehow help to know that others are going through similar problems, even though it's incredibly sad. You sound so strong and healthy, I want to be where you are. I still feel so weepy most days.

I do feel like my ob's were not taking care of me the way they should have. I was lucky to have two healthy pregnancies before this. They were pretty standard and textbook-like pregnancies and deliveries. With my second, I did develop gestational diabetes but was able to control it with diet alone. So I now know that one OB I saw at 16 weeks did not hear the baby's heartrate. Why would she say that she did and that she could hear the baby moving around and "running away from the doppler"? Only 4 days later, I returned to the office when I began to spot. They were going to send me home because the ob I was supposed to see got called away to deliver a baby. I just had a horrible feeling and thought I was going into labor. The ob that was still in the office did agree to see me after I told the receptionist again that I was having a problem. And she was concerned when she finally saw me. So as I wrote before it was confirmed with an ultrasound that the baby did not make it. When we went back to the office, the doctor just told us that they would call the next day to schedule a d&c or whatever. She did not give me any options and even when I asked her if I was going to go into labor she just said that I should schedule the surgery. No instructions or things to look out for, etc. I know that none of this will bring back the baby but I should have been given more information. I don't think that it was safe for me to deliver my baby at home in the middle of the night. It happened so quickly and when I got to the hospital they did not know if I had delivered the placenta etc. It just so happened that when i got up to pee they thought i did. But it wasn't until my ob came to the hospital she realized that i had not delivered it and she finally helped with that. So she did a good job with that and I'm glad that she was there bc the resident on staff at the time did not realize that. Hope this makes sense and I'm not rambling...

Anyhow, I am going for a followup visit on Monday and I do plan on telling the ob that I do not feel like they took care of me the way they should have. I do have another question for her, when my water broke it was quite bloody and I'm not sure why. I didn't think to ask when I was at the hospital but when my water broke for my previous pregnancies it was clear? So I am going to ask about that as well. I know that going into labor and delivering the baby was better for me physically but I wish that she had sent me right away to induce labor. It would have been safer to do this in a hospital. As I already was experiencing signs that labor was going to begin - spotting and the passing of a mucus plug.
Ok, I have gone on enough. Thanks for letting me vent and thanks to all for your kindness - it does help and I appreciate it during this rough time.
All my best - D
Hi Dee,

I'm really glad that you are able to vent & express your feelings openly. That's what we all need to do & never worry about rambling too much, cos we all do it & if there was a penalty for it.... i'd be broke :D

With your waters breaking & there being blood, i know that when my waters broke while i was aleep, i didn't really look at the colour of it as i was so unsuspecting that i was miscarrying & i put it down to a bed wetting accident (which i did think was unusual, but thought the baby may have been pressing on my bladder). So when i hopped out of the shower, i noticed a drop of blood at my feet & that's when i realised i was bleeding, & when i stripped the bed, the liquid that i had expelled from my waters breaking just looked clear, however the next day when i was washing my sheets & cleaning my underlay, i noticed it did have a pinky coloured tinge to it which i didn't notice the night before when i had stripped the bed! So your blood that you saw with your waters breaking could well have just been normal & your body expelled both at the same time, whereas with me, it seemed that it was mainly my waters at first, followed by blood a couple of minutes later, (by this time i was out of bed already).

It's still a good idea to ask your Obstetrician on your follow up appointment though just to make sure, cos it could have also been that there was a hemorrage from your placenta which caused the miscarriage. You never know until you get your results back. With my results they all came back normal & they noted a small rupture on the placenta, however they said that this was caused as a result of the miscarriage... not the cause of the miscarriage!!! Hope that makes sense! So that was a bit of a relief, although no answers is a bit frustrating & worrying, (but i guess with no obvious cause, it is easier to put it down to chance & hope that it was just a one-off). Did your POC (Products of Conception) get sent away to be tested??? If so, hopefully the results will give you some indication as to whether it was just a natural cause or not?

Isn't it strange how when something like this happens, people around us start coming out of the woodwork with the same experiences & we didn't even know about it. People who we see nearly every day & they held it all inside them & wore a social mask to mask their pain!!!

When i miscarried, so many people (i could count 10 off hand) came out & told me that they had the same thing happen to them & although it is comforting to know that you are not the only one experiencing this.... it is also scary to think that it is sooo common & when i think about that, i am just so afraid, that with those statistics it could well happen again. But on the other hand, i try to think positively & tell myself that i have had my heartache & next time everything will be fine. I know to well though, that it isn't always just a one off & that it can happen 2 or maybe 3 times & that kills me! To read about the other lady's stories who have experienced this more than once is heartbreaking & i truly hope that they can all get their faith back & heal properly!

I too hope that you can get past the immense pain that you are feeling now, but remember you have to grieve properly to be able to do that & although i found it hard to cry & for some reason felt like i had to be strong for others & hold them while they cried for me..... somehow i made it through & i'm not saying that i have completely come to terms with what has happened, but more that i have accepted that it has, and i realise that life has to go on & i want to begin another new life inside of me....... one that will help me even more with my healing process..... without forgetting my little angel Caitlyn :angel:

My husband & i waited for my first normal cycle to come & go (because my OB advised us that this would minimise the chances of another miscarriage), & then we started trying again, so i am basically due now for my 2nd period since my D& C & i am not sure what to expect really. Because i was on the contracetive pill for 6 years before trying to fall pregnant the first time, i wasn't really sure of my cycle length because while i was on the pill, it was spot on by the packet, so it's hard to determine whether i am late or not!!! Since going off the pill, it took me 4 & a half months to fall pregant (with Caitlyn), & that's because my body was getting back into it's own swing of things & my cycle length was changing every month :confused:

The first cycle before falling with Caitlyn was 32 days, then the next was 36 days & then the next one didn't come because i was pregnant...... so as you can see, i'm definately not regular & at the moment i am on day 35 of my cycle, so going by my cycle length before i fell pregnant the first time, i am still within normal cycle length & could still be possibly getting my period within the next couple of days..... i hope not though ;)

I wasn't sure whether to wait one or two cycles before trying to fall pregnant again, as there was no right advise (everyone's opinions were different), & although some people say to leave it 2 cycles before trying again, i sooo desperately wanted another baby to help me fill that void & help with the healing process, so we started after the first cycle.... & i felt ready emotionally at this time also! So if i don't get him/her this time, i guess there is next month & to me if it doesn't happen this time around, then it's probably because my body knows that it needed more time to heal & prepare itself for another pregnancy.... a healthy pregnancy :D

I found comfort in an article i read that said "Sometimes our bodies are not ready physically to follow through with a full-term pregancy, therefore they sometimes need a trial run". Not sure if you will find that same comfort, but i did ;)

Just remember that there is no right or wrong way/time frame to grieve & your pain is still very raw! My best advise to you is to keep talking about it to people you can open up to, & most of all.... talk to your husband about it! I know when my husband & i lost Caitlyn, i talked to him about it so many times a day for about 1 week :confused: I didn't want him to feel as though he couldn't ask me questions & i wanted him to feel comfortable talking about it rather than doing the man thing & not talking about it for fear of upsetting me. Talking about it with him helped me tremendously cos we discussed what we wanted to name her, what we would do with her ashes (not too sure anymore though.... still in the decision making process) & what questions to ask my OB when i had my follow up appointment etc. I think he felt relief that i was initiating conversations & i guess this helped him out a bit because then he didn't have to feel uneasy about broaching the subject.

Well anyhow i'll let you go now & i hope you CAN find your way to a stronger, more positive place within yourself (And you WILL), but first you need to grieve your loss & you seem as though you are doing that ;) You've taken this step anyway & you're talking to us, so keep your chin up & all the best for you in your future. I truly hope your path ahead is blessed.

With love & warm hugs, Crystal xoxoxox :wave:
Hi again
I ended up going for my follow up check up with the OB since the mc. 3 weeks ago I mc'ed at 17 weeks. the ultrasound tech said that the baby measured about 14.5 weeks. But when I went for my checkup the labwork that has returned did not find anything unusual except they now said the baby measured 13 weeks. To recap, I had an ultrasound at 13 weeks and know for sure that the baby was still with us at that point. Next I had an office visit at 16 weeks with a new ob that I didn't know. She couldn't find the heartrate for a while and then said that she heard it (162) but I never heard it. She said that next time the baby would be bigger and she could find it quicker. Even that day I questioned if she really heard the heartbeat or not. I wish that I had pushed her to be more sure and to find the heartbeat again. I just need to realize that we will never know, but I'm inclined to believe that the baby was gone by then. the next week I start to spot and go back to the ob's and it is confirmed that the baby did not make it. I leave the office with the ob telling me that they will call to schedule a d&c. That night I spontaneously mc and deliver a small baby at my house.
It was very scary and i lost alot of blood and I was very dizzy. I told my Ob that I wished she had given me a heads up on what to do in case you spontaneously mc (even though it happened very quickly). It was the middle of the night and we needed to get someone over to the house to sit with the boys before we could leave and it was hard to get me to the hospital quickly, so we called 911. I just felt that she did not give me any advice even when I asked her that day if I was going to go into labor.

At this followup visit I did voice my concerns. My ob said that it was rare for someone to come into the office and find out that the baby didn't make and that night spontaneously mc. that usually they just are trying to deal with telling the parents the sad news. She also said that they do not induce labor at this point in a pregnancy. I just feel like if that ob didn't hear a heart beat she should have told me since mc's do not usually happen so fast I believe that I lost the baby somewhere between 13&16 weeks.

I know that at this point nothing will bring this baby back to me. And I do realize that having the mc happen naturally did save me the heartache of having to go through a d&c, so I know it's a mixed blessing. It's just that it was so scary. ok, Sorry for the ranting, I just still feel dissatisfied with my care at the ob office. thanks for letting me go on some more.
I think it's important to voice your concerns with medical professionals in general. I know that I will have to get over trying to figure out what happened. It's just that I want to know
Hope you are all well:wave:
D

PS - Crystal best wishes on ttc..hope to hear your news!1
I did a search through ****** to find someone that had a similar experience as me. I ended up finding a few posts that sounded so similar to what I just went through. I went for my routine prenatal Dr. appointment on Wednesday. At that time I was 15 weeks. The Dr. came in and tried finding the heartbeat with the doppler but couldn't. She left the room to get the portable ultrasound machine and quickly returned. She put the gel on my belly and began to look. I could see my precious baby right there on the screen. It probaly took 10 minutes, but felt like 30. I could tell by her facial expressions and lack of saying anything that something was wrong. She turned the machine off and quietly said to me, "I'm very concerned. I don't see a heartbeat and there is no fetal movement." I felt as if I was having an out of body experience. She can't possibly be telling me this. Everything up until this point was going so perfectly. I just saw the baby 4 days ago by ultrasound and saw the heart beating! At 11 weeks I had an ultrasound and it was so active. Everything looked so perfect. I saw the tiny fingers and toes. A very healthy heartbeat. She also told me she thought it was a boy! I was able to have more ultrasound there usual because my friend is a tech and she would scan me for fun. Well then the Dr. told me the machine was old and she wanted me to go down the hall and have another ultrasound with a better machine. Sadly she didn't see a heartbeat either. The Dr. had me come into her office and told me I had 2 options. I could have a D&E or they could induce me to deliver the baby. She told me to go home, discuss it with my husband and she would call me in the evening. I left her office numb. This has to be a nightmare. Have 2 beautiful daughters Kayla age 4 and Kelsey age 2 1/2. I had 2 great healthy pregnancies. This is something that happens to other people not me. My husband and I decided to be induced and deliver our baby. I wanted to see him. So on Thurday morning I went to the hospital. They started the induction around 8:30 am and around 9:50 pm my water broke. I started getting uncomfortable so I asked for an epidural. I asked the nurse if I could use the bathroom before they put it in. I sat down to go and I felt something strange then heard a plop. The baby had come out in this little container that they put in the toilet to measure your pee. I felt so awful, I called the nurse in, I just couldn't turn around and look at it. She took it and cleaned it up and brought it out to us. Here it was laying on a blanket. About 6 inches long looking so perfect, at least to me and my husband. Somebody else lokking at it might not agree. It had a red gel-llike substance all over it. I could see all 10 fingers and all 10 toes. Little mouth, ears, nose, eyes. What the nurse notice is right at the bellybutton the cord was twisted at least 3X very tight. The Dr. came in and said the baby looked like it had developed normally up until this point. Visually all he could see wrong was the cord. He said if he were to guess, that is what the cause of death is. My husband and I sat there for hours just staring and sobbing holding her. A priest came in and blessed her. We decided to have her cremated after the autopsy is performed. We felt that it was the right thing to do.It was so hard to let her go. I feel so empty. I just came home from the hospital this morning. I still can't believe this has happend. I want my little girl-:angel: Karena April. I just want you to know that reading your posts gave me some comfort. I am very sorry for your losses. This is so hard to go through.:(

Kristin





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