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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

Hi everyone
I am sooo sorry to hear about everyone's losses.
I found this site by googling miscarriage at 17 weeks and came across a thread that was started earlier in the month. It was soooo similar to my situation that I decided to write as well.

I am writing about what happened because I can't seem to stop replaying everything in my mind. I just keep waking in the middle of the night and realizing I'm no longer pregnant and I'm just so heartbroken I can't stand it.
Last tues 1/30/07 (exactly 17 weeks pregnant) I woke up to some very light spotting. I noticed something in the toilet after I peed that reminded me of a mucus plug that is sometimes a signal that labor is going to begin. (I am completely fortunate to have two healthy little boys). I tried not to panic but I knew something wasn't right. The day before I had some lower back pain and even noted that i felt like I was going to get my period. I called the OB and they said to come in the morning. I go to a group of doctors, the one I was scheduled to see got called away to deliver a baby. But another OB agreed to fit me in after I insisted that I was having a problem. So I finally got into the doctors office and she could not find the baby's hearbeat and that my uterus was measuring a little small for 17 weeks. She told me not to overreact but she would send me for an ultrasound right away.

Up until that point everything had checked out. I had an ultrasound at 13 weeks and the baby was very active with a heart rate in the 150's. The ultrasound was part of the 1st screen test which also came back fine. The week before at 16 weeks I went for a checkup and did have a funny feeling about the appointment. It was a new doctor that I had not seen before and I felt she was short with me. She could not locate the baby's heartbeat for a while and then said that she found it (162) and that she could hear the baby moving away from the doppler. I didn't hear it. She said to schedule an appt for 3 weeks and I asked her about scheduling the ultrasound and she just said - "yea go ahead". I know this sounds strange but I am wondering if she really heard the baby's heartbeat? I did have my 5 year old with me so maybe she didn't want to tell me then?

Anyhow I called my husband and had him meet me at the hospital for the ultrasound. I didn't want to alarm him so I just told him that I was spotting slightly and they wanted to do an ultrasound. I still was optimistic that the baby was fine and my uterus was just in a funny position. But I asked the technician right away about the heartbeat and she said she would do measurements first and she had not gotten to that yet. She grew quiet and I knew she couldn't find the heartbeat. They sent us back to the OB office. The doctor told me that the baby was measuring about 14 weeks and had not made it. She told me that we would have to schedule a D&E and they would call me with a date and time. I asked her if my body was going to go into labor and she just said that I should really schedule the surgery. I truly did not know what was going to happen. This was considered a missed miscarriage bc the baby had died and I had not gone into labor yet.

Sorry this is so lengthy. So we went home to my two beautiful boys and just rested and cried. I did not know what to tell my 5 & 3 year olds. So we didn't tell them anything for now. They had been discussing names for the baby - Moe for a boy and Sophie for a girl. My 3 year old wanted Dino (for dinosaur) if it was a boy or a girl. But they knew something was not right and were super clingly to me for the entire evening.

So I woke up around 4AM with incredible cramps. I could barely move they were getting worse quickly. Since I had been through labor before i just thought that they would go on for a while without anything else happening. But I felt a huge gush of blood and rushed to the bathroom. I was completely covered with blood and starting to clean myself up when I felt something pass and I knew it was the baby. I was so scared I just held the baby as my husband called 911. I didn't know what to do the baby was still attached to a very thin thread of an umbilical cord and I wasn't sure if I could cut it or not. Besides the fact that I was sooo frightened, i barely looked at the baby. He fit it my one hand (we found out later that he was a boy). The EMT people helped me and took me to the hospital. I wish I wasn't so afraid.

At the hospital, I continued to bleed and finally delivered the placenta when my real ob got there. The nurse thought I had delievered the placenta earlier when I went to the bathroom but it must have been a huge blood clot. My blood pressure kept dropping to 60 over 30 and I just kept feeling like I was going to pass out. I finally started to come around and the nurse wanted to know if we wanted to see the baby. I still wasn't sure but my husband had not gotten a good look and did want to see him. He was so precious and perfect looking with his little hands and feet. That's when the nurse said they thought he was a boy and showed us why. I quickly said goodbye to him. I know I keep saying this but I wish I just spent a few more minutes with him to tell him how much I loved him from the moment we found out we were expecting. I just kept getting so dizzy whenever I saw him. We decided to name him Jack:angel: . I want to have a small memorial with my husband and I to say goodbye. The hospital said that the baby will be buried in a special plot designated for this situation in a christian manner (it was a catholic hospital). This sounds ok with me as we do not have any cemetery plots, etc. I want him to be with other small babies. But I would like to give him something, maybe a small blanket or toy to keep him warm and not alone. Hopefully we can figure all of this out in the early part of next week.

Thank you so much for listening (if you could even make it through all of this). I wish you all the best. I know that it is going to take a while to get through this. The way everything happened was soo unexpected and I never expected to deliver my dead baby at my house but I do feel fortunate that I was able to see him and hold him for a short time. If I had the procedure I would not have had that opportunity. Although I feel traumatized, I am glad for that. I know that I need to be there for my two wonderful boys, so I will probably seek counseling to try and help. I hope it does because the way I feel now is that things will never be better.

Thanks again for listening.

A big long (((HUG))) to you. As I write this I am having tears running down my face as I have not been having a very good day. I am impressed by the strength you are showing under such heart wrenching circumstances just make sure you give yourself time to grieve. I don't know if it was my post you read about losing a baby at 17 weeks due to incompetent cervix or not but I know how you are feeling. It is so hard to give birth to a baby that you know isn't going to live or has already died, they take a part of you with when they go. I agree with you that it nice that your baby can be buried by other babies. Our son Dylan will be buried in the spring 4 feet away from his brother Shawn who we lost 3 years ago. Dylan was also born in a Catholic Hospital so they did not baptise him but did bless him.

I am so glad you and your husband spent time with your son, Jack, it is so hard to hold that little body when you so desperately want it back inside your womb. I am forever grateful for the time I had with my boys. I don't know what kind of support you are getting from friends and family but there are a lot of great resources online and within your community. Most hospitals have some sort of grief support group, I going to attend one this time, I really need because I have been really having a hard time going through the grieving process this time and I think sharing in person with other women who know what I'm talking about can only help. We also sent out announcements for Shawn and Dylan to friends and family to let people know that they existed, were loved, and will be missed terribly. Some people might think sending an announcement of a babies death is morbid, well they can jump in a lake, whatever you and your family decide to do to help you heal from this loss, do it. I have started putting together scrap books and shadow boxes for each of Shawn and Dylan's things and hope it helps me heal. You are probaby still in shock from just recently going through this, so take your time going through this.

I am so glad you also have two boys at home to love! It can be a double edged sword though when you look at your sons faces and wonder why they got to be here and why your Jack won't grow up too. I wish I had some brilliant answer to make sense of it, I don't. All I can say is that I am so very sorry and that you are in my thoughts and prayers. It will get better too, as lousy as I feel I do have good moments now and I know that over time it will continue to get better. If only I could see you in person I would love to give you a hug while we both cry, and if you feel like it, cry, it does help to get it out.

I have rambled on enough, take care of yourself and be kind to yourself in your thoughts as well. Love and hugs!!!! Susie
I so sorry for you loss. I pray you will feel some comfort through this difficult time.

My last loss at beginning of Oct., was supposed to be 16 + wks old but when we went in for my routine checkup the heart beat was not heard and then when they brought in the ultrsound machine in and I looked on the monitor, I knew right away the baby had died even though the doc wouldn't tell me yet, as he had to do some measurments for documentation. The baby had died at a little over 14 wks. I too had a missed m/c with no signs of impending trouble. The doctor gave me the oppertunity to have the baby still in me for the weeknend to say goodbye to her and have the surgery the following Monday. It was a very surreal experience for me.... that weekend and the 2 differ sugeries I had to have with her. I never got to see my baby though, I guess by the time she ( I found out later she was a girl) came out she had deteriorated some. I wish I had seen her though even if she did look the way she did. I think that would have given me a sort of closure and I also wish I had named her. But I guess I feel that since I didn't name my first 2, the ones I loss early on, it wouldn't be fair to "favor" her by giving her a name and not them. Oh well.

Take care please and love on the babies you have there at home and take the needed time to heal your heart. Again, I am so sorry you are having to go through something like this but over time your heart will heal and yet still have a speacial place for your little baby Jack.
Much Love, Jessica
Hi Ladies...I also lost my twins at 17wks last April this year. My pregnancy from day 1 was all perfect upto 16wks. I woke up spotting, went to emergency everything was fine babies heartbeat are all great...but I had a fever of 104 which they can tell there is a sign of infection. My peri and OB told me I have to stay in hospital bedrest until bleeding stops. Anyways, to make the story short...on my 17th week everything looks great but I was having contractions, cramping and more bleeding. They just have to terminate the pregnancy because I was really cervix was already dilating. I delivered my twins both still have a heartbeat for about a minute then there gone. I was crying so hard thinking this was just a dream. It's hard even just talking about it now. They found out it was baby's A placenta (premature separation of the placenta or placenta abruption). Everything else was healthy and normal. After this misc, I took all immune testing and homocysteine level they all came back normal. I still ask why a lot of times?? I do missed my little angels everyday. I'm so sorry for everyone losses.It's hard to even say just stay positive..all we can do is pray and have faith.

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