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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


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dee,

A big long (((HUG))) to you. As I write this I am having tears running down my face as I have not been having a very good day. I am impressed by the strength you are showing under such heart wrenching circumstances just make sure you give yourself time to grieve. I don't know if it was my post you read about losing a baby at 17 weeks due to incompetent cervix or not but I know how you are feeling. It is so hard to give birth to a baby that you know isn't going to live or has already died, they take a part of you with when they go. I agree with you that it nice that your baby can be buried by other babies. Our son Dylan will be buried in the spring 4 feet away from his brother Shawn who we lost 3 years ago. Dylan was also born in a Catholic Hospital so they did not baptise him but did bless him.

I am so glad you and your husband spent time with your son, Jack, it is so hard to hold that little body when you so desperately want it back inside your womb. I am forever grateful for the time I had with my boys. I don't know what kind of support you are getting from friends and family but there are a lot of great resources online and within your community. Most hospitals have some sort of grief support group, I going to attend one this time, I really need because I have been really having a hard time going through the grieving process this time and I think sharing in person with other women who know what I'm talking about can only help. We also sent out announcements for Shawn and Dylan to friends and family to let people know that they existed, were loved, and will be missed terribly. Some people might think sending an announcement of a babies death is morbid, well they can jump in a lake, whatever you and your family decide to do to help you heal from this loss, do it. I have started putting together scrap books and shadow boxes for each of Shawn and Dylan's things and hope it helps me heal. You are probaby still in shock from just recently going through this, so take your time going through this.

I am so glad you also have two boys at home to love! It can be a double edged sword though when you look at your sons faces and wonder why they got to be here and why your Jack won't grow up too. I wish I had some brilliant answer to make sense of it, I don't. All I can say is that I am so very sorry and that you are in my thoughts and prayers. It will get better too, as lousy as I feel I do have good moments now and I know that over time it will continue to get better. If only I could see you in person I would love to give you a hug while we both cry, and if you feel like it, cry, it does help to get it out.

I have rambled on enough, take care of yourself and be kind to yourself in your thoughts as well. Love and hugs!!!! Susie
I did a search through ****** to find someone that had a similar experience as me. I ended up finding a few posts that sounded so similar to what I just went through. I went for my routine prenatal Dr. appointment on Wednesday. At that time I was 15 weeks. The Dr. came in and tried finding the heartbeat with the doppler but couldn't. She left the room to get the portable ultrasound machine and quickly returned. She put the gel on my belly and began to look. I could see my precious baby right there on the screen. It probaly took 10 minutes, but felt like 30. I could tell by her facial expressions and lack of saying anything that something was wrong. She turned the machine off and quietly said to me, "I'm very concerned. I don't see a heartbeat and there is no fetal movement." I felt as if I was having an out of body experience. She can't possibly be telling me this. Everything up until this point was going so perfectly. I just saw the baby 4 days ago by ultrasound and saw the heart beating! At 11 weeks I had an ultrasound and it was so active. Everything looked so perfect. I saw the tiny fingers and toes. A very healthy heartbeat. She also told me she thought it was a boy! I was able to have more ultrasound there usual because my friend is a tech and she would scan me for fun. Well then the Dr. told me the machine was old and she wanted me to go down the hall and have another ultrasound with a better machine. Sadly she didn't see a heartbeat either. The Dr. had me come into her office and told me I had 2 options. I could have a D&E or they could induce me to deliver the baby. She told me to go home, discuss it with my husband and she would call me in the evening. I left her office numb. This has to be a nightmare. Have 2 beautiful daughters Kayla age 4 and Kelsey age 2 1/2. I had 2 great healthy pregnancies. This is something that happens to other people not me. My husband and I decided to be induced and deliver our baby. I wanted to see him. So on Thurday morning I went to the hospital. They started the induction around 8:30 am and around 9:50 pm my water broke. I started getting uncomfortable so I asked for an epidural. I asked the nurse if I could use the bathroom before they put it in. I sat down to go and I felt something strange then heard a plop. The baby had come out in this little container that they put in the toilet to measure your pee. I felt so awful, I called the nurse in, I just couldn't turn around and look at it. She took it and cleaned it up and brought it out to us. Here it was laying on a blanket. About 6 inches long looking so perfect, at least to me and my husband. Somebody else lokking at it might not agree. It had a red gel-llike substance all over it. I could see all 10 fingers and all 10 toes. Little mouth, ears, nose, eyes. What the nurse notice is right at the bellybutton the cord was twisted at least 3X very tight. The Dr. came in and said the baby looked like it had developed normally up until this point. Visually all he could see wrong was the cord. He said if he were to guess, that is what the cause of death is. My husband and I sat there for hours just staring and sobbing holding her. A priest came in and blessed her. We decided to have her cremated after the autopsy is performed. We felt that it was the right thing to do.It was so hard to let her go. I feel so empty. I just came home from the hospital this morning. I still can't believe this has happend. I want my little girl-:angel: Karena April. I just want you to know that reading your posts gave me some comfort. I am very sorry for your losses. This is so hard to go through.:(

Kristin





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