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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

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Miscarriage Blues
Feb 28, 2007
Hey ladies,

It's been nearly 3 months now since i miscarried & i think i'm dealing with it well considering, however i've just bumped into another obstacle :confused:

I work as a family day carer for children, & when i lost my baby, i asked my mum to contact the parents of the children i look after & fill them in on the situation. One parent in particular, who was 7 months pregnant at the time said that she'd keep her children home for the rest of the week because she felt as though she was the last person i would want to see. (Which wasn't true.... i had no feelings of jelousy or animosity or however you'd put it). I think it was because she was pregnant before me anyway & i was expecting her to have her baby before me... so i didn't feel that this affected me!

However.... now for the problem! Another parent told me just a couple of weeks ago that she is pregnant (she'd be about 15 or 16 weeks now), & initially i was happy for her (and still am) & although it felt a little uncomfortable pretending to be 100% about it, i find myself battling with these feelings that i am finding really hard to describe.

I think it's because she is pregnant now & nearly up to the stage where i was when i miscarried & it hurts because she is going to get her baby before me & i was suppose to get my little baby in 2 & a half months. It feels as though the world has stopped still for me & kept going for others. Does that make sense???

I just feel as though i've gone cold towards her, & although i wear a social mask that covers this so that i do not make her feel uncomfortable, i am battling to accept at this moment that my time will come & it's all gods plan :mad:

I have been really thinking lately about how things might work out next time around & i can't stand the thought of this happening again! I just feel at the moment that it might never happen for me & i know i need to stay positive, but these thoughts keep crossing my mind & i am trying to beat them... i really am. As helpful as these boards & all of the people on them are, i can't help but be frightened by other peoples experiences (of having more than one miscarriage) & it's making me question whether it will ever happen for ME! Don't get me wrong... i love this board & i don't know how i would have dealt with my loss without you ladies.... all of you! You all have such courage & wisdom beyond you years ;)

I try to look to my future with children & i can't seem to see one at this point & it's scaring me to death because it is all i have ever wanted! I don't want to seem as though i am feeling sorry for myself, but i can't seem to control these feelings & they've only popped up since this parent told me that she was pregnant. Maybe i am just stuck in a bit of a rut at the moment & it will all sort itself out, but i needed to vent :yawn: I just hope that i am not stressing my body out, because although i do not feel stressed & i keep telling myself that it will all be ok (So that my body doesn't pick up on the stress), i can't help but think that my body will take these thoughts as stress & hold up my progress & also my ability to conceive straight away. Hope this makes sense.... it's hard to put into words!

I have just finished my second cycle on the 19th Feb, since my miscarriage & although we started trying to conceive after my first cycle but missed out that month, i am hoping that this month will be the ONE ;) I am just trying to take it one step at a time & i seem to have up & down moments (not even days)..... i can go from positive to "OMG will it ever happpen for me"..... in just seconds :confused: I think i am just scared & worried that everything i thought my life was going to be has changed :confused:

Thanks for reading ladies & i really do appreciate your time & your honesty.

Fingers crossed for this month & now that i have vented i think i should probably be able to stay positive & erase all stress from my body. Just think positive thoughts..... positive thoughts :D "By this time next year i WILL have my little bundle of joy" How am i doing??? See there's the mood change right there for you! But i will try & stay positive from now on.

Thanks again & hope to be sharing some good news with you all soon

Bye & take care all of you :wave: Baby dust to all of you :D

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