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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

Dearest Emma120:
I read your post and it made me really sad for you.
I feel your pain and understand your anger, as i have had 2 miscarriages and have had a life of letdowns. I too felt like i was being punished or something and questioned why this was happening when i thought my life was finally going in a good direction. Out of all of my friends, I was the one who got her heart broken over & over, i was the one who suffered from depression, i was the one who suffered with chronic pain, i was the one who wasn't married and was addicted to pain meds. due to chronic pain.
I finally found someone at age 30, and really thought my life was finally changing. I felt like maybe all the years of pain were paying off and now i could have the family i always hoped to have.
Then i went to dr. at 9wks and was told my baby had no heartbeat. He made a big mistake and didn't do a DNC like he was supposed to , so i ended up in ER next weekend hemorraghing terribly and had pieces of my precious baby yanked out of me while i was awake.....only to have to STILL have a DNC later that day. I got pregnant again 4 months later, only to go to dr. at my 6wk. checkup to find out the babys heartbeat was 93. I knew i was losing it.....of course i was, that's what happens in my life, constant disappointments. I had to carry the baby until he/she passed 2wks later only to have another DNC.
All i can tell you is that time does heal. Talking to a counselor would be helpful bcuz they will help you to deal with the pain and not just push it aside for a bit.
But it hurt me when you said that no one wants you, not even your baby. That is SO not true. Your issues with your body have nothing to do with you not being worthy. You have to remember how many people in this world have diseases, cancer, disabilities... There is a good chance that things will work out and you will be able to have the baby you have dreamed of. Don't give up hope. And you will find a man that loves you regardless of if you can or can't have a baby. I agree with you that i would want a guy that wants a family also. But that doesn't mean that if you meet one that does, that he wouldn't want to be with you if you can't. There are other options, and i know that the thoght of that is aggravating right now, it is for me also. But that is the worst case scenario, and you have hope for having your own.
I am not pushing religion on anyone...but you are Gods child and he does not make trash. You have to stop speaking of yourself as less than, just bcuz you are having problems with bearing a child.
You have to love yourself the way you are b4 you will be ready to love your child. And who knows what the future will bring for you. Don't be hard on yourself bcuz you are greiving, let yourself feel it, and then slowly let go. You'll never forget what you lost, you'll just be preparing yourself for the new opportunities.
I just wanted to write and tell you that even though i do not know you, you are worthy of everything & anything. It's just that life doesn't lay itself out sometimes like we've expected. But that doesn't mean that it won't come out even better than we expected.

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