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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

Hi Girls,

I'm sorry this is so long, but I think this is just another phase of my grieving process: I miscarried almost 3 weeks ago - I cried a lot over my loss the first 2 weeks, and then really started reflecting on my whole miscarriage experience during the past few days. And ya know what? I AM ANGRY:mad: !!! At my ob's office, 2 out of 4 doctors know me pretty well, I delivered 2 other children through their practice. I know the girls behind the desk and have a great rapport with them. Before I miscarried, I had 2 pre-natal appts. Both appts. were w/drs that I know, liked, and trusted. My 2nd appt. was when we realized there was no heartbeat. The dr. sent me for an u/s the next am. Do you think he even gave me a 2nd thought after I walked out that door? There was no follow up call from him to say he was sorry, nothing (a tech did the u/s, not him but obviously the results are sent to the office). When I had to put my dog to sleep 6 years ago, the office sent a sympathy card - the VETS office!! Did any of you receive cards full of condolences from your dr's office over the death of your BABY? I sure didn't. But then again, my baby wasn't an animal, so I guess her death is really inconsequential in today's world, isn't it?
There's more: my D&E was done 1 floor below the maternity unit. My nurse saw one of the dr's (not the one doing the D&E) from my practice (she saw me for my 1st appt. and has done most of my paps) rushing to get upstairs for a delivery and stopped her to see if she could come over to talk to me b/c I was crying and very upset. I heard her say she couldn't, she had a woman pushing and had to get there. Ok, fine, I understand that, but my drs always come in just to catch the baby, there's no work on their part. She could have come back down to see me afterwards. But no, I guess I'm not a priority b/c I'm no longer pregnant and I'm obviously not her problem.
I always delivered at Catholic hospitals b/c I'm Catholic and I mistakenly thought that they would be more compasionate in situations like this. What a JOKE! The tech that did my u/s should have offered me a picture of my unborn baby, I was too upset to ask for one. I saw her little 11 wk. old body on the screen (I had to ask her to turn the screen so I could see her), but never got a picture. That will haunt me for the rest of my life. Why didn't she offer?? She should have! What a jerk!
Anyway, so I called the dr's ofc on Friday and spoke (for 40 mins) to one of the girls behind the desk and just told her everything that was on my mind. I told them they are the most un-Catholic practice ever (they have more birth control ads in their office than Planned Parenthood!) and that they need to treat women who miscarry with respect and dignity and they need to realize that we are suffering the death of our unborn children. HAVE SOME COMPASSION!! Send a card, it takes 2 seconds to sign your name. Just let us girls know that you feel for us and that if we have any questions about grieving or conceiving again, to call and that you'll be happy to set time aside with a doctor for all our questions. I told my office to copy my file so that I can come pick it up. I don't want them caring for me in pregnancy and good health when they refused to care for me during my miscarriage. Screw them! So now the office manager wants to talk to me, but I can already tell that conversation won't go well by the tone of her voice on my answering machine. I don't want to her excuses for their lack of charity, you know?
I'd love to hear about your experiences with your drs offices. Does anybody feel the same way as I do? I'll update on this thread when I finally talk to the office manager about my experience...
Thanks for reading. I'm sorry that miscarriage has brought us all together, but I'm so glad we have each other to bounce things off of b/c we are all going through the same thing. You and your babies are in my thoughts and prayers...
WOW Ladies,

So Sorry for the bad experiences with the Dr's. But it seems to universal that they all take a "I don't care attitude" towards miscarriages. I had the same with my last miscarriage (2). The Dr did not seem to worry at all, they when we realized that it was molar she was slow to treat it. So I went back to my GP who of course took the bull by the horns and did his research with me there in his office. Days later when the OB asked me to go and get a chest x-ray I had already had it done. After the D&C the OB got wind that the GP was really doing following up on her work to make sure she covered her ground. She called the GP and voiced her opinion very strongly and said that she was knowledgeable enough to deal with it. Then she called me and left a kind of angry message on my voice mail, about her knowledge and this is her case and she needed to deal with it to the best of her ability. I think after that she understood where I was coming from and has been treating me better in the follow up care and calling me with results right away. I think after you make them pay attention to you then finally give you some respect..

I hope all works out for everyone.
Here is to healing our minds,body and spirits...

Be blessed

I hope you are all doing well. I actually had such a wonderful experience with my obgyn this past week, that i thought I would post it here. I thought about this board the other day and remembered all of you who had had terrible experiences with their doctors when they had a miscarriage or something else. I have been carrying a partial molar pregnancy and gave birth this week. I have had 3 miscarriages prior to this birth and have had a different experience with each one. This pregnancy was horribly stressful because we knew going in to it that there had been only approx 2 known cases of women actually giving birth to healthy babies when facing a p/m. Not to mention that my perinatologist by far has no "bedside manner". The reason I'm posting this is because I must mention my doctor. She was by far the best doctor I have EVER come across. Following the delivery, I had to have a D&C to remove the undelivered mole (unborn non living twin). The It was only 1 1/2 years ago I was in the same room having a d&C to remove my first miscarriage. My doctor was wonderful. I was very emotional during this process. Not to mention I had to go to the same ultrasound room and get another scan to make sure all the product had been removed. Even though I had just delivered my healthy baby, I was still remembering and having a hard time dealing with my past losses because of the familiar surroundings. My doctor was sooo wonderful and gave me some many hugs. She knew what I was going through and was right there to reassure me every step of the way. So don't fret too much, there are wonderful doctors out there, we just unfortunately have to look a bit harder to find them!

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