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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

Re: Just joined
May 14, 2007
Hi there,

I am sooo sorry for your loss! I miscarried in December 06 at 17 weeks but my baby had died between 12 & 13 weeks, so i know that the grieving process takes time!

I thought that what you said bout your baby not being happy in the body that it was given, & waiting for the right one was sooo sweet :angel: When i lost my baby girl, i also had a similar thought to this & said to my DH that when we have a healthy baby..... does he think i'll see my lost daughter in her & that it could be her coming back for a second time around. My DH was extremely supportive & although he may not have agreed with my thoughts, he was sensitive to them & said that he is sure that our next born (healthy child) will have traits of what our lost daughter would have looked like & that we'd find comfort in that!

I was always worried & still am, that when i have a healthy baby, would i be caught up in the moment & be sooo happy or would i immediately look at him/her & think of what i lost & constantly think about what she would have looked like, what colour hair she would have had, what colour eyes etc??? But i now realise that i am always going to wonder that & so many ladies that had gone on to have healthy baby's after miscarriage told me that initially you are sooo caught up in the moment of joy with your new baby, that you enjoy every minute of it....... but they also said that the curiosity also sets in after the initial event of the birth, because it is just natural to wonder..... so that made me happier ;)

In regards to your fiance...... trying to pull you through this grief quicker may be his way of dealing with his grief also & he may think that "getting over it" quicker, so to speak is the right thing to do because then he doesn't have to deal with his feelings. Have you tried sitting down & talking with him & telling him that it is ok for him to have these feelings of loss & hurt too? I know that from the first moment, i talked to my DH & we just cried together & we even named our daughter quickly so that we could use her name when we spoke about her & that helped :angel: We spoke about her sooo much. I made it clear to my DH that this was his loss too & he needed to grieve & ask questions to me or the nurses & that i didn't want him to bottle up his feelings because of the fear of upsetting me...... so when he needed to ask me a question i listened & also encouraged it & the reason i think we pulled through it so strong is because we had eachother to lean on for support & i think that is the key ;)

I know sometimes it's easier said than done, but i hope you are coping as well as can be expected & i hope i haven't bored you too much with my post.

P.S - I liked your fiance's joke about the nose too :D

Take care & all the best, Crystal xoxoxox :wave:

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