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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

[FONT="Arial"]Hello to all. I stumbled upon this board today and am glad that I did -- I'm just looking to lean on a support system at the moment and found all of you wonderful women.

My husband and I have been married for just over 4 years. We're both in our 40s (I'm 41, he's 46) and neither of us have children from previous relationships. We started trying to have a baby about 2 years ago and didn't have much luck until last fall. We were so excited to find out we were pregnant! Everything was going along great -- I was the lucky one who did not suffer any morning sickness, felt a little run down but nothing too bad. Then I went to my regularly scheduled appointment one day and we did an ultrasound and there was no more baby -- one of those weird things where my body absorbed the baby back. My doctor performed a D&C and we began to grieve. We started trying again as soon as we could.

April 14th was our due date, which I got through with just a few tears. Still no luck on conceiving again - then last Wednesday (convinced I was NOT pregnant) I started feeling a little 'off'. I was nauseous, but didn't throw up, had a headache and was light headed. Thursday the nausea continued, and so I decided to do a pregnancy test -- POSITIVE! We were cautiously elated and Friday I called my doctor to set up my first appointment. By my calculations I was about 5-6 weeks pregnant, so my appointment isn't scheduled until 2 weeks from now.

Saturday my world began to fall out from under me. We were at my boss' house for dinner when I began to feel cramping and thought I was beginning to bleed. Upon excusing myself to the restroom, my fears were confirmed and I had started to bleed - not a lot, so I still had hope.

Since Saturday, the bleeding has turned from light to quite heavy, and the cramping continued through last night. I am pretty certain that we have again, lost this child. My doctor isn't back in the office until Wednesday, but I don't see any reason to try to see anyone else, it seems nature is taking care of it on its own.

I know that at my age I need to expect a higher likelihood of miscarriage and that it doesn't mean that every attempt at pregnancy would produce the same result. But right this moment, I don't feel like that's the case. I feel like this is my destiny - that I am never going to successfully carry a child to term. I want so much to be a mother and to experience pregnancy. I know that I will be a mother, even if it is by adoption -- I'm perfectly fine with that; but I want to experience pregnancy and the total miracle.

As I sit here typing, I feel my body shedding the current pregnancy, and I feel myself filling the void with hopelessness and sadness. Looking to hear of others having the same experience / track record -- and hopefully hearing some encouraging stories of success after such disappointment.[/COLOR][/FONT]

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