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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

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My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 15 months so you can imagine our joy when on 20th March those two little lines appeared on my pregnancy test. We were soooo happy.

I had my first ultrasound when I thought I was about 7 1/2weeks, the scan actually showed I was 8 weeks 2 days - everything was developing well and we could see the baby's heartbeat. The only thing of note was a small area bleed beneath the sac which the sonographer said might come out as "old blood" over the coming weeks or mighht be reabsorbed by my body. She said there was nothing to worry about.

I got to 11 weeks and had some old blood spotting, nothing major but a few days later I had some backache and light cramping. On the Sunday I had some brown spotting and later a little bit of red. We were scared so we went to A&E. They saw us in 6 minutes and I was examined and told that my cervix was high and closed and that the blood was old blood that they couldn't really explain. All the signs were good and the bleed stopped but they agreed that we could get a scan on Tuesday (it was Monday morning by the time we left the hospital) at 11 weeks and four days we thought we were so close to 12 weeks that we naively assumed all would be well.

We got home and didn't really sleep and spent the rest of the day waiting for the hours to pass. Tuesday morning I saw some more red blood, the midwife phoned and my husband explained to her what had happened. She was really reassuring and thought there was no way the cervix would have changed in just a few hours so we felt anxious but not too concerned.

Got to the scan and I thought it was strange that the sonographer didn't turn the screen so I could see the baby. Then she said there was no heartbeat.

We got home - with no real advice as to what to expect. Wednesday morning about 1 am I had some cramping and a little backache. About 4 am I had more cramps and felt something go "ping" inside me. Within a minute I knew I was bleeding - it was uncontrollable and I was scared I was haemorraghing. I called for my husband and he stayed with me. The blood loss stopped but I had a pain. I looked down and could see something hanging out of me. It was my baby. I had to pull it out of me. i could see the sac and the cord and the shape of my tiny wee child inside. I held it for a while and whispered goodbye.

I passed some major clots like grapefruit sized very rapidly and had some fierce contractions that made me gasp for breath.

I am in shock and stunned that this all happened so fast.

I miss my baby.

God bless you if you made it this far - sorry if this post is too long.

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