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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Hi Travkrisjas,

I miscarried in Dec 06 at 17 weeks & although i didn't know... my baby had actually died somewhere between 12 & 13 weeks, so it took my body about 5 weeks to expel the baby naturally & then i was booked in for a D&C to remove the other products of conception.

I had no miscarriage symptoms whatsoever, until i was 17 weeks & my waters broke in my sleep (didn't know it was my waters at the time though) & then it was followed by some light spotting of brown blood & still no cramps or anything. I went to the hospital & my OB did a scan & told me the devastating news that there was not much fluid surrounding the baby & that it appeared to be very small for 17 weeks & had no HB. It was the autopsy afterwards that confirmed when she died & also her sex.

At this stage when my OB was telling me the news, my baby was still inside me, so he booked me in straight away for a D&C at a hospital about a 1 hour drive away. He said that if the baby was further along than it appeared on the screen, that i would have to be induced & give birth to my baby, however if it wasn't too big i would have the D&C. I told him straight away that i did not want to give birth to my baby & that i wanted the D&C (not knowing exactly what was involved in the procedure & that i wouldn't have had the chance to see my baby). But as things panned out (& i am thankful for this), i actually passed my baby girl naturally on arrival at the hospital & then i only had to have the D&C to remove the other POS.

I know it sounds strange that i say i was thankful for that, but i don't mean that i was thankful for my miscarriage.... i mean i was thankful for the fact that i passed my daughter naturally & was able to see her & say goodbye properly. I don't know what state of mind i would have been in if i had had the D&C for the baby aswell & then been told that i could not see her or not even know the sex of my baby because of the procedure causing her to be unrecognisable. I don't think they would have even told me this before the procedure :confused: I still wonder whether other women are warned that they won't be able to see their baby after having a D&C performed, or whether i am just naive & most people would realise what's involved. I had no idea!!! Not to mention that you are sooo numb after receiving this news, that so many questions that are important to you can slip your mind & then cause you to be upset afterwards because they weren't asked.

Anyhow.... from the time that my baby apparently died, to the time i actually passed her..... it was about 4-5 weeks. Everyone is different though & i had only just started growing at 15 weeks even though my baby had died :angel:

Your body will do it's thing, but do go & checked out now & then to make sure that everthing looks ok & that there is no sign of infection. Your OB might even be able to tell you whether your uterus has come back down aswell, because this is what mine told me & then i passed my baby, so that might be an indicator of when things are going to happen.

Also..... i know you probably want to let this happen naturally & i respect this, but is it because of the whole procedure & going under anesthetic that worries you about the D&C or is it because (like me) you want to see your baby? Sorry if this is too personal.... you don't need to answer if you don't want to! It's just that if you do pass your baby naturally & you don't pass the other POS with your baby, then you will probably be scheduled for a D&C anyway (which you probably already know) & holding off on the D&C now (when you know that your pregnancy has ended) may just drag out the grieving process for you & make it harder to cope with in the long run. I mean.... you have aready been grieving for the past 5 weeks or so & then to have to go through the grieving process again (on a whole different level.... having the realisation that it is all a reality) when the baby is passed, i am just worried for you that this will all take it's toll on you emotionally..... moreso than if you had the D&C done.

I am so sorry.... i don't want to sound like i am hounding you because you need to do what is best for you, but i just feel that this waiting (as painful as it is for you right now.... & probably getting worse with each day) could slow your grieving process & hold you back from moving forward. Don't get me wrong.... there is no timeframe when dealing with the loss of a child (or anything really) & you will take all the time you need, but it just sadens me to know you are going through this & trying to do the right thing by yourself by waiting to pass your baby naturally & i just want it to happen for you..... & in a way that you are at peace with.

Well i have babbled enough & i hope i haven't upset you (or anyone else reading), you have probably already been over this in your head a million times, but i thought i'd share just incase (like me) you are too numb to even think about anything right now.

All the best to you Travkrisjas & i am praying for you & a happy future for you also.

Best wishes, Crystal xoxoxox
Thank you mommy5.

There's nothing really new to post. Things are still going the same as the last one. I think all my worrying about waiting is mostly because of the fear of the pain. I realized that today because everytime I thought about it, the pain is what seems to scare me the most. I've read stories about how terribly painful it can be. Many women have described it as going through labor. With DD I had an epidural so I didn't feel the labor pain, except for a few contractions at the beginning and they were bad enough. Can anyone give me some insight on this? I want to know....I don't care if its tmi, I just want to be prepared and know. Is the pain something that every woman who miscarries naturally goes through...how bad is it?

Don't get me wrong, waiting and knowing the baby is still in there and not growing is torture. I've come to terms with the miscarriage, for the most part. Sometimes it hurts as much as the first moment I found out, but I suppose it will always be like that.

I've always been the type that, no matter what has been wrong with me, I find out all the information about it and am prepared for it. This is so different. You can't fully prepare yourself for something like this. The fact that each miscarriage is so different keeps women from being prepared physically. I know I'm rambling on....guess I was just bored.

Hope all is doing well.

Kristie





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