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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

First off, congratulations on your marriage! :)

And secondly, I'm sorry for your loss. I, too, miscarried at 9 weeks and had a d&c on 8/31.

I just finished reading a book called Coming to Term, which puts into laymen's terms all of the medical research about why miscarriages happen. Basically, it's not a greatly studied field of medicine and has so many variables that is hard to study. But, even without treatment, women who miscarry three times still have a great chance of (70%+) of carrying a baby to term. So there definitely is hope for you (and me... I also have a 9 month old).

Don't hide your grief, but also don't dwell in it. Maybe talking with a spiritual advisor would help, or a grief counselor. We plan to plant a tree in memory of our little one who isn't here with us... probably on the due date (4/2/08). Figure out what you need to do to bring some closure to your life and to how to move on.

As for your marriage and baby-dancing... remember that there are lots of way to be intimate without intercourse (assuming your partner is totally dead set against it). Also, I hear that condoms are pretty effective birth control... ha! :) It's the LEAST he can do after what you've been through. And it sounds like you really need that intimacy and "coupleness" right now. Tell your DH that. Men grieve differently, and they also sometimes see you differently when you're pregnant -- it might take him a little while to come around, though, so be patient.

Good luck. :)

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