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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

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On Saturday at 6pm I saw my baby on the screen with no heartbeat. Exactly 12 weeks pregnant. I had just saw my baby heartbeat and all just a few weeks before. We are still trying to come to grips with it all. My boyfriend of 10 years and I never thought we could even have a baby. I am almost 23 and his birthday in just a few weeks will make him 25. When I foudn out I was pregnant I was terrified, but thrilled. We just got ourselves used to the idea of having to adopt (not that thats bad in any way) but to find out I had a baby inside of me was a miracle.

I don't think that I will ever understand why exactly this happened, but honestly if I knew why would it take the pain away. When you find something like this out it is a sickening feeling with alot of hurt, confusion and shock. Nothing will ever make it okay. I am lucky that I have family to help.

Monday I had a D&C. I was in extreme pain and called my doctor opting for the procedure instead of a appointment. It seemed like hours later and finally they were ready to put me under. I didn't have anyone explain to what was about to happen, really I didn't want to know. My baby died that was all I need. The whole thing was supposed to take 20 min or so but ended up taking alot longer than that. Now I'm home and trying to just rest and think about what just happened.

If I think about it now, instead of denying the whole thing it will help me alot more. My doctor said that we can try again in a year or so after I am healthy again and my body is back to normal. I was very sick with the pregnancy, so a year sounds about right. It is hard though to think about another baby now. I'm still in pain inside and out and trying to make since of it all. I probably seem confused to anyone reading this, and well thats because I very much am,anyone would be.

I'm sure alot of people have been through this and if you have please give me anything you have to offer for advice, because I'm open to it all.

I'm really very sorry to hear about your loss. I have had 3 m/c's myself. They happened in between my 2nd and 3rd children. We wanted another so badly and were so excited when we found out that we were pregnant again. 2 1/2 months in to the pregnancy I started bleeding. It wasn't even heavy bleeding, more like spotting. After a trip to the hospital, we soon found that we had lost the baby. I opted for the D&C to be preformed on that Monday. It was really hard for me to accept that I had lost the baby. I couldn't really wrap my mind around it. I was convinced that they had made a mistake. After another u/s before the procedure (to put my mind at ease) they did the D&C. I felt much better knowing that a mistake wasn't made and that in fact there was no hb.

A good friend explained to me that thousands of things need to go right in order to have a baby. Only 1 small thing needs to go wrong to miscarry. There's nothing I did to cause it. I felt much better after hearing that. I found that I wasn't the only one out there that this happened to. Since that first m/c, I went on to have 2 more. 1 week after my last m/c, I got pregnant (by accident) with my daughter. Let's just say, she was worth the wait. I look at it this way...Had I not had those m/c's I wouldn't have my baby girl. It was meant to be. It made me a MUCH stronger person. It also made my relationship with my husband much stronger as well. You will get through this. I cried after each one for a long time, but eventually I was able to see that when the time was right, I would have that baby. If I had to adopt, I was prepared to do that as well. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your boyfriend. Be strong, but take time to recover from this. It doesn't just end with the D&C. Wait for awhile then try try again. That's the fun part-He He:)

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