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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


On Saturday at 6pm I saw my baby on the screen with no heartbeat. Exactly 12 weeks pregnant. I had just saw my baby heartbeat and all just a few weeks before. We are still trying to come to grips with it all. My boyfriend of 10 years and I never thought we could even have a baby. I am almost 23 and his birthday in just a few weeks will make him 25. When I foudn out I was pregnant I was terrified, but thrilled. We just got ourselves used to the idea of having to adopt (not that thats bad in any way) but to find out I had a baby inside of me was a miracle.

I don't think that I will ever understand why exactly this happened, but honestly if I knew why would it take the pain away. When you find something like this out it is a sickening feeling with alot of hurt, confusion and shock. Nothing will ever make it okay. I am lucky that I have family to help.

Monday I had a D&C. I was in extreme pain and called my doctor opting for the procedure instead of a appointment. It seemed like hours later and finally they were ready to put me under. I didn't have anyone explain to what was about to happen, really I didn't want to know. My baby died that was all I need. The whole thing was supposed to take 20 min or so but ended up taking alot longer than that. Now I'm home and trying to just rest and think about what just happened.

If I think about it now, instead of denying the whole thing it will help me alot more. My doctor said that we can try again in a year or so after I am healthy again and my body is back to normal. I was very sick with the pregnancy, so a year sounds about right. It is hard though to think about another baby now. I'm still in pain inside and out and trying to make since of it all. I probably seem confused to anyone reading this, and well thats because I very much am,anyone would be.

I'm sure alot of people have been through this and if you have please give me anything you have to offer for advice, because I'm open to it all.





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