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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

Your story really hit a raw nerve with me.
I lost my son at 35 weeks 5 days. My membranes ruptured at 35 weeks 3 days, doctors refused to induce labour, instead using expectant management. There were signs that I was developing an infection, which the doctors denied. When contractions started 2 days later, I was left alone in a general medical ward, nobody believed that I was in labour. Eventually when I was examined(after 11 hours of contractions and a lot of nagging the midwives) it was realised that my babys heart rate had dropped to 60bpm. I was sent for an emergency c-section. While I was asleep, I became a parent. The doctors worked for 1/2 hour to get life support going. My son was on a respirator for 7 hours, having frequent seizures due to the time without oxygen. His heart stopped lots of times. I was so out of it for the time he was on life support- morphine drip, and general anaesthetic do that to you. It breaks my heart to not know what colour eyes he had, as he never opened them. My baby Brendan was 5lb 6oz. Perfect in every way. After years of looking for answers we have come to understand that my son would be alive if I had been given antibiotics after my waters broke. $10 of medication would have saved his life. My heart breaks thinking about how different life would be. It is the cruellest thing in the world to have this happen to you with your first child. Every single day as a parent (I now have 2 girls) you have this terrible sorrow. But there is happiness that comes with finally having a healthy child to hold. Looking at my 2 girls makes me so glad that I stuck in there through it all. It's hard to honour someone you never knew. At times I feel like my boy was never real - all I have are a footprint and a few photos. But the painful memories are so raw still. I just wish that doctors could understand the impact that miscarriage / stillbirth have on the people that go through them. To them it's just a statistic, 1 fetus. As a woman there is no more primal pain that having your child taken from you, no matter how tiny it is.
in my opinion, everyone needs to find a way to be 'ok' with their loss. For me it was having more children, for some people it is finding a support group, charity, planting a memory garden or something similar.

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