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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I too lost my son at 36 weeks, he died during the emergency C-section. It was the darkest and most horrible time of my entire life so far. I was the most unhappy and sorrowful person in the whole world. The one thing that kept me hanging on was hope, the hope that maybe I would be able to have another baby. Everytime I began to feel hopeless about my future I would visualize myself telling everyone I was pregnant and being pregnant again (I was not able to visualize myself with the actual baby since I was a first time mom and in a way just couldn't imagine what that would be like) but I had been pregnant for almost 9 months so I was able to imagine taking another positive pregnancy test, sharing the news and seeing good doctors who helped me safely through.

Thankfully this is exactly what happened. I found out I was pregnant a few days before my first son's anniversary of his death. I cannot begin to tell you how healing that was for me. I had a new focus and new reasons to take care of myself and get out of bed everyday. Even though the pregnancy was filled with anxiety, I went to 3 different specialists and made sure to get better medical care this time, I am proud to say we had our second son born also at 36 weeks (planned C-section) and he is a perfectly healthy and wonderful baby who is now almost 2. I really don't know how I would have gone on in life if I didn't have him. It healed me in so many ways. Of course I am a changed person because of what happened and part of myself died with my first born, but my life has normalized and I love being a mommy and seing my wonderful child grown and change.

Trying to have another baby is not something that works for everyone's healing path, but it is exactly what I needed to do. I was terrified I would never be able to conceive again (originally had fertility issues) but we waited to start trying , then got pregnant on the first try! I was in shock! I will never forget the flood of relief and feeling of deep joy when I saw the 2 pink lines again. I just knew everything woujld be ok.

I wish you luck and healing, find good doctors, speak to specialists ahead of time, try to find out what happened with the death, focus your mind on your next goal, don't be afraid to grieve for as long as you want and continue to seek support.

And your little guardian angel will oversee this process and help you along!

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