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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


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I'm so sorry for your loss. It must have been so tuff to lose a baby at 36 wks. Do you know why this happened? I hope that I can one day have a healthy baby. That's what's helping me get through this. But then I feel so guilty because my baby died and thinking of having another baby makes me feel better. And, I don't know if I did the right thing by not seeing or holding my baby after it was born. The doctor gave me the option of getting pictures of the babies hand and footprints and putting together a keepsakes box. My husband did not want to know the sex or see the baby because he felt it would hurt too much so I went with it and made the decision with him. I hope I don't live with regret of not seeing my baby and having a burial. I let the hospital cremate the baby after the autopsy. At the time I just couldn't stand any more pain and now I'm not sure if I did the right thing. I'm filled with so many mixed emotions. I loved my baby so much that my heart still aches.
Hello again

The only Right thing to do is whatever you did at the time you made the decision. I went through this too. Should I have had a formal funeral? Maybe I shouldn't have had an autopsy and held him without all of the tubes coming out of his mouth. Maybe I should have dressed him in a special outfit and kept him with me all night. Maybe I should have done this or that. . .

The truth is, no one prepares for their child dying unexpectedly. So whatever you decided at the time was the best decision. You based it on your instincts and knew what you could and couldn' handle at the time.

At first I tortured my self over the fact that maybe i should have had a funeral and gravesite. Then i remember the state of mind i was in and also physically recovering from a c-section and knew i could not handle the baby funeral thing.

The truth is, is what happens when we loose our babies is very tragic. You don't just loose your child but many of your hopes and dreams die too. And a little part of yourself is gone forever.

I never felt guilty for wanting another. I know my little Patrick was already picking out his sibling. For some reason I equated the symbol of the shamrock with him, maybe because of St. Patricks Day, even thoug hhe was born in Jan. When ever I see a shamrock or see his name I feel his prescence. I feel he is now my good luck charm and looks after me.

It can be difficult in your case to see a baby that is not completely developed. I think it is beautiful that you have a wonderful untrasound picture to hold on to and in my opinion you should name your child, if you havent' already. It is a name you can hold in your mind and call to him or her when you want the baby to know you are thinking about him/her.

It is probably not too late to find out the sex, if you still are curious. The ultrasound tech or someone would know this and if you get your medical records you should find that. Just being able to say he or she can give some closure.

What happened to me is mostly unknown. I could go on and on forever about the details. I wlll try to sum it up and say this, I had gestational diabetes and severe swelling that my doctor treated as insignificant. I began to notice the baby was slowing in movement around 26-28 weeks but did not know if that was normal or not as it was my first. I did become increasingly nervous about the on again off again movement patterns of the baby but my doctor would check the heartbeat and say it was normal. NO extra ultrasounds were ever ordered. The day before he died I had extreme labor type cramps which I called the doctor immedietly. I was told to take an aspirin and a hot shower and lie down. It was too "early" to be in labor. This was 36 weeks. Since I did feel better lying down I figured everything was fine. That night the baby moved more than he had in the last month. I took it as a good sign. The next morning I was bleeding slightly and felt no movement. I had been cramping througout the night but now felt no pain. The doc sent me to labor and delivery for tests. The NST showed heartbeat but no movement. The rushed me to emergency C-section under general anesthesia and when I woke up they told me that my precious baby had died. They said they worked on him for an hour trying to revive. He never took a breath.

I struggle every day with what happenend. I blame myself, my doctors and always feel I should have known somehow, and done something about it earlier. They say he suffered from oxygen deprivation that could be related to the diabetes but no one really seems to know what happened. The placenta showed signs of working extra hard to produce oxygen but whey this was happening is still a mystery.

Sorry to go on and on. I hope this post helped and thank you also listening to my story Even after 3.5 years I still need to talk about it like the day it happened. It helps relieve my stress and intense sadness.

to end this on positive note, my second son is the joy of my life and has brought me much healing. My family and friends helped me tremendouslyas well.
I do not know anything about fibroids, I am sorry. You could post this question on the women's health board I think I have seen that topic there.

I am glad you are doing a bit better. I hear you about the win the lottery analogy. I have said that to people before. But who is to say what is luck and not luck? For example, since my son had been suffereing from oxygen deprivation for a while they said the chances that he was born with cerebral palsy would have been high. To me this is a devasting disability, especially if severe and so maybe he was "lucky" and is in a better place.

The crazy thing is , the night before he died I had a dream. Did you ever see the movie the neverending story? There is a character called a Luck Dragon that saves the kid from all kinds of trouble by swoooping in and carrying him off. Well I dreamed I was standing on a cliff overlooking a city and the Luck Dragon swooped down and then took me for a ride. I was flying through the air on it' sback. Now I had many crazy dreams when I was pregnant so I didn't think much of it at first. But when I looked back I think it was my mind's way of telling me that maybe the baby was being spared having to live a long life with a severe disability.

Best wishes with your healing process.





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