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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


I often peek in and have even posted a few times here...I wish I were able to reach out to all of you whose hearts are breaking.

I'm 62 now...but remember too well the heartache of loosing a child. I lost my firstborn a few hours after his birth, then had 3 miscarriages before being blessed with my daughter (now 31) and son (now 27).

My first baby died shortly after his birth in 1975. A beautiful little red-headed fella we named Steven...who had Spina Bifida (open spine) and Hydrocephalus (water on the brain). I truly know how different my life would be if he'd lived; I probably would not have had the 2 children I've been blessed with!

We decided to have Steven cremated...then wanted to take him to Michigan's Upper Peninsula...to one of the beautiful places we'd visited in the Hiawatha State Forest. We drove down several two-track sandy lanes before finding the exact one.......a good 2 miles off the highway.......an open area with a beautiful calm pond...a couple beavers who ignored our presence...a huge pile of sawdust telling us this had been a bustling area where loggers once had been. We liked the idea that this seemed like a place where you'd want to bring your kids to explore.

Every year I have gone back to the area...sometimes not being able to even get down that little road. This is all my children know of their brother. I can remember even trudging thru snow from the main road a couple of winters...and finding bear tracks in the sand on a warm summer day. It's just beautiful and peaceful back there! About 10 years ago there appeared some signs to purchase property and some "Private" signs....but we ignored them.

We were up there again the last week of August...just my husband and I...he'd not been there for a few years. The road seemed easier to drive on; it was obvious lots of repair had been made to the little lane.

We'd been back there a while...enjoying the wonderful sounds of the swaying trees and birds when we heard someone approaching down the little dirt lane. It was a fella in a truck who stopped and rolled down his window. Rog said something to him about seeing "For Sale" signs out front a few years ago and wanting to see property...hoping it would explain our being there....the fella told us he'd purchased property back there 10 years ago and built a little get-away cabin.

He was a man of about 40...black straight hair pulled back into a ponytail; I knew he was part Indian. I was surprised when he told us this was "his people's" hunting grounds and their Sacred Ground!! I was more surprised when Rog told him exactly why we were back there! He's never discussed this with anyone...and here's this stranger that he's talking to. I was overwhelmed when he mentioned "Sacred Ground" and tears fell. He quickly extended his hand and we felt we'd known him for years. He said they have ceremonies there to honor those who have passed...and they would surely include our little Steven! I cannot explain the peaceful feeling that came over me! Something had drawn us to this particular spot so many years ago.......

As we parted, we commented that we hope to see him again..."It WILL happen" he told us!

Sorry this is so long...and I wasn't even sure to post it...but really wanted to share it.

What brings all of you to this particular forum is an aching heart...I'm hoping this will ease a little pain.................love you all, Pam;)





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