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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

Here we go again??
Nov 15, 2008
I am not completely new to this board. I posted a couple of times in the past, questioning the results of my husband's sperm analysis. His sperm count is just fine. Not wonderful, but normal. However, his morphology and motility are terrible. He finally had his apointment with the urologist a couple of weeks ago, and he said that he was sure my husband has a Varicocele. He thinks he could even feel it. Now we will have to wait another couple of months just to get in to see the doctor at the university, and another couple after that probably for him to have an operation to correct it. My first question is, has anyone had this experience? Does the operation improve the sperm quality?
Now for my REAL question. The other day I had bad stomach pains. I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive (I bought a couple more and I am going to try one later to be sure). I was pregnant two years ago with my husband and I had a miscarriage at about 9 weeks. I suddenly realize that it could have been his poor sperm quality that caused the miscarriage (not that I blame him and certainly wouldn't say this to him). Now I am pregnant again, and I am not excited. The doctor told us it was impossible for us to get pregnant before his opertaion (not to mention my periods are highly irregular, as I do not ovulate every month). The chances were 0. The only thing I can think of is that because he has a strong NUMBER of sperm, he is able to make me pregnant, but I will soon lose this one just as I lost the last. I am sure of it. I am actually just waiting to miscarry. It is a terrible feeling. The other thing I am hating is that, because we thuoght there was no chance, I drank quite heavily a couple of weekends (Halloween I think I had most of a big bottle of gin in martinis!). I know they say don't worry about what you did before you knew, but this was a lot. Not a couple of beers. I also had one cooler almost every night before bed. I feel like I don't deserve this, I am not in the proper shape I wanted to be in to be pregnant, and yet I have this life growing inside of me that I just will not let myself get atached to, because I am sure it is not to be. He feels the same. I have not gone to the doctor yet. The last time I was pregnant they set up all of these future appointments for me and then kept calling me to remind me of them long after I lost the baby (even thought I had a D&C and I told them many times not to call, as I had miscarried) and it was heartbreaking. I am just scared to get that ball rolling again. To go through all of that. I am taking care of myself, back on the folic acid and eating very well and all of that. I am just sure I am doomed to suffer another loss. Anyone ever experience somehting like this? Any advice? I am really scared and alone right now. I don't want to tell my family and friends. I don't want any congratulations this time. I just wish this had happened after his operation. Then I would feel very, very happy. Thanks for any help you can offer,

I have one bit of advice for you --- don't "wish away" this pregnancy. See doctor, share your fears, get proper prenatal care.

I jumped through hoops trying to get pregnant. And managed to do so a couple of times and then had early miscarriages. I decided to stop trying and adopted. A year after child #1 came home, I was pg, without treatment. AND .. by applying what was learned from earlier failures, I managed to stay pregnant.

I had an textbook perfect pregnancy and a healthy child. But I worried the entire pregnancy, I lived for doctors appointments. I would hear "all is good" and relax for about 2 days and then start counting the days until my next appointment. I didn't welcome changes to my body or marvel at those first feelings of movement. It was more like "ok, movement. good." I too didn't want to get attached and kept waiting for the miscarriage that never came.

When my baby was about 5 or 6 months old I kept thinking "a year ago I was pregnant" and I got a bit depressed. For all intents and purposes I had "missed" my own pregnancy. I wished that magical time away. And I regretted it. Don't make my mistake.

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