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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

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I have another question. I'm almost 22 and Madilyn was my first child. I just lost her in December. A lot of my friends (5 friends) and cousins (3 cousins) who are all around my age are all pregnant and 5 of them are due in March when I was (two are even due the same exact day I was). My boss' wife is also due a couple days before I was. My very best friend who I work with and see almost on a daily basis found out she was pregnant not too long before I lost Madilyn. She's 15 weeks now. She had planned to give me a baby shower. Now since everything has happened it has been very hard for me. Especially since everyone is due in March. I'm a department manager at Wal Mart. Everyone knew I was pregnant and always was asking me about it and talking about it since my mom works there as well and most of the people I work with are my mom's age and have known me since I was about 2 years old. Now it's hard because when I go on breaks and stuff it used to be everyone talking about and asking about Madiliyn and now it's completely switched to my friend and her baby. I know people are excited about her having a baby and everything but it is extremely hard to listen to them and her as well. At work she talks about babies all day long and says things like, "Let's do something fun. Let's go look at baby stuff and clothes." She even sends me texts messages about what baby names I like the most for her baby. She also said she better have a girl and if she has a boy she will be very upset and cry. She was in a relationship with her boyfriend, but as soon as she got pregnant she broke up with him (not saying there is anything wrong with that). It's hard because she has told me that abortion crossed her mind and that if she could switch me places she would. I know she was just trying to be nice, but that really bothered me because having gone through what I have gone through I would never switch places with someone else. I wouldn't want anyone to go through it, but my baby is my baby and I couldn't believe she would even say that (maybe I am just taking it the wrong way). Now she is worried about who is going to give her a baby shower. That's all she has been talking about lately. I guess being her friend it is my duty. Is it wrong of me to not be up to giving her a baby shower? I'm just not sure. I love her and I truly am happy that she is having a baby, but I don't think people understand how hard it is to hear about other babies all day long. I know people always tell me that I'm so strong and that they wouldn't be able to manage and stuff. It kind of bothers me because yes I know I am a strong person, but it makes me feel like they think I'm not hurting about what happened or that I'm okay with it. They act like they would break down and not even be able to function and since I'm not doing that they think everything is okay. I don't know I guess I need some advice.
to everyone just becuase of one lost their is always another try.....i believe that lost will be the angle in the next child....this is why i say this becuase i was 18 yrs old 22 wks preg went into labor and i didnt know i just thought i was low an water so i was drinking water all day i thought that would make the cramps go away ( iwas 18 my first preg what did i know?) so i stayed at wrk cuase my boss told me she went throught the same thing she put me in a non movement part of the job but the cramp still where coming...i wrked my 8 hrs then drove home which was 45 min away from my job didn't really fell any pain but some i walk into my house told my mom and dad i wasn't felling i had cramps i called the doctor he told me go to the e.r. now remember i'm 18 at 22 wks preg i tell my mom and dad i'll be home soon dont wrry they r just going to give me an iv and send me home...thats what i thought.....well i get there they check me and they tell me i have to go to labor and delivery right away...i told them i cant i needed to call the babys dad and someone to be there with me.....they told me i had less then 15 min cuase i was 9cm dilated and the baby still and a heart beat and moving...i call home got mom and dad to get to the hosp with the rest of the fam after everyone got there beside the baby dad they had to break the water bag cuase the pain wa getting so bad....they broke the bag and they lost the babys headthey couldn't feel it anymore i told them the baby moved up under my rib they thought i was crazy they did an utrasound and found him under my rib and my pain stop after breaking the bag that was at 7 10 pm i told them he was waiting for his dad....durning this time they made me make the choice again of letting my son live or past...when i had to make it the 1st time no was their to help me i didnt want my son to die but they told me some stuff that i didnt want my son to live with for the rest of his life so i choose to let him past way i thought to my sef if it was meant for me to have him i would have him march and not son was born alive and was baptised and lived for almost 2 hrs whit no michines and was making noises and i let him pass away....and i think about it everyday how i believe i made a mistake my son would be 10 yrs now...but i got preg 4 month later the month i was to have my son A.J. and had a healthy girl on christmas eve and i beleive that is my angle my son sent o me cuase he couldn't be with me and sent me another angle my daughter...the reason i believ this is becuase my son was due march 17th 2000 and was born nov 22 1999 and i got preg around st pattys day 2000 with my daughter and had her on christmas eve 2000 they r 11 months and 2 days apart they are irish twins i have pictures of my son after he was born and have his daughter looks just like his pictures in the face in her newborn pic i bellieve my son sent me her and i'm proud to say she is my daughter...but i can say i made a mistake giving up on my son i wish i gave him a chance....plse dont hate me

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