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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

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My daughter was born sleeping at 27 weeks on December 10, 2008. I was devastated. My pregnancy went perfectly and I didn't have any problems, but I hadn't felt her move in a day or two so I went to get her heartbeat checked at my doctors. They couldn't find it. They had two nurses come in and try to find it and they couldn't and then I had an ultra sound that revealed that my baby daughter was no longer living. After I delivered her they found the cord was wrapped around her stomach and neck and it was pretty snug. They sent off for an autopsy and everything with her was fine as was all my blood work. They found that the cord had been crimped off and nutrients and oxygen weren't getting through due to her being wrapped in it. My doctor said this is something that should never happen to me again but it's hard to believe. I am wondering how soon I should try again. My doctor said two periods or even before that, so even after just one I could try again. I really want another baby as does my husband. We had planned Madilyn and really want to have a baby here with us to take care of. I am just worried because I have read a lot on the internet and a lot of people say at least 3 months and some say 6 months and even a year. I'm not sure what to do. My period returned one month after I gave birth, so my husband and I are ttc again already, but I'm just worried if it is too soon because I don't want to have a miscarriage becuase of getting pregnant too soon. I am my original weight before I got pregnant, so I don't have any pregnancy weight to lose or anything. I've continued taking my prenatal vitamins. Anyone have any advice? Do you think ttc after only one period is too soon?

Madilyn's Mommy

I am sorry for the loss of Madilyn. I know you must be feeling so many emotions right now including post partum hormones which add to the mess.

I lost my son at 36 weeks during delivery and that was four years ago. I was like you wanting to try again right away. I coudn't because of medical complication I had to take blood thinners and was advised of birth defects if I got pregnant on it. After taking it for 6 months I went off and began to plot my next pregnancy. Happily I became pregnant on the first try and we gave birth to a healthy baby boy in August of 06.

I had to do some things differently such as give myself shots everyday and see specialists, even though the cause of his death was unknown. It seemed to work as I did not experience the same symptoms of swelling and slowed movement in my second pregnancy.

Look, most people will tell you to wait, let yourself heal, blah blah. I say, do what you need to do for yourself. If you are ready now, then go for it. I don't think your body will mind, more so you will mentally and emotionally have some difficulty, but being the circumstance, that will always be the case most likely. As with me I had a c-section so it was important for me to give my body time to heal physically.

Its great that you got your period back. Mine never came back on its own and I began to panic thinking I was experiencing early menopause. I was put on progesterone and I was never in my life happier to see my period arrive.

If you feel ready then you are. For me, my healing didn't even begin until I found out I was pregnant again. If it weren't for my son (now 2) I think I would be doing a lot worse.

Do what feels right to you and what will bring you the most healing. Having something postive to focus on can work wonders.

Let us know how it goes.
I only had one period after I lost Daphny before I became preggers again. In fact I asked my doctor that very same question and he said that there is no "text book" time frame to try again after experiencing a loss like that. You try when you are ready, and your husband of coarse!;) Good luck! She was NOT trying to be nice hon. That was the most inconciderate thing she could have said to you. She wished she could trade places with you? After saying that an abortion has "crossed her mind"? I call bull **it. You are NOT required and/or expected to throw ANYONE a baby shower right now. You, my friend, are still in mourning. What a TREMENDOUS loss you've experienced! If they can't have the common concideration of you to respect that??? Oh hoho! You trully work with some dysfuntional people and if it were me?? I'd find a different job. Out of town. I've lost 2 babies with my husband. Daphny I lost in November. I do have 4 (live)kids though. So losing your first??? I have no idea what that must feel like and hunny....I am so terribly sorry for your loss! You ARE a strong woman. It takes guts to go through something like that and come out standing tall! So why apoligize for the way you feel? You KNOW it pisses you off to no end that they are being inconciderate of your feelings. They want you to think of them and their babies and , basically, RUB IT IN YOUR FACE......but they don't have the decency to have their "baby-talk" when you're not around? To give you time to grieve? Work is NOT a place for that kind of talk anyway. They should be doing that at home. It's ok to be happy for their pregnancies WITHOUT having to BE a part of it givin the circumstances! I would say, absolutly NO baby showers for you untill you're done mourning Madilyn. It may be weeks or months or even years but DON'T do it until YOU are ok. B/C obviously you're not now. Have you been in contact with a grief councelor?

If that were me I would have told off that "friend" a long time ago. Nobody I knew treated me so insensitively. What could she be thinking? Stay away from her and do not throw her a shower. I am apalled!

As for the kidney, that is a personal decision. A good friend of mine did the same thing for her brother and he is doing well now. She got pregnant about a year later and now has a 2 year old and is pregnant with her second. She hasn't had any major health problems and had very good pregnancies.

Look, its one thing to not know what to say and another to be completely rude, out of line and downright mean. She wishes she could switch places? I am not a violent person but I would have slapped her. She sounds like a bully. You don't need friends like that.

Surround yourself with supportive people and stop acting like your fine. Reach out to people and let them know when you need to talk. I tell people all the time what happened to me. Them being upset is nothing compared to what I went through. Don't feel you have to protect others. Your the one who went through trauma.

Even 4 years later when asked how many kids I have I say "one living" and one with the angels. People are like oh i am sorry. After the loss, I stayed away from all baby showers, tried not to directly look at any pregnant women and avoided all baby related things pretty much until I was pregnant again myself. If people can't understand that then something is wrong with them not you.

good luck
Hi my names andrea and i'm 20. I lost my baby at 35 weeks due to placental eruption on 09-12-2008 and it was the hardest thing i have ever experianced. Me and my partner had tried for Dylan and he was so beautiful it really destroyed us. We are trying again at the minute and the docs have confirmed it is ok even though i had an emergency c-section and 3 blood transfusions so u should be ready now if u feel ready urself. I was worried when i read alot of people said you have to wait for 6 month's and i don't think we could wait that long, not that we are replacing Dylan but like urself need someone to look after and be there for nomatter what. U never know, maybe we could fall pregnant again soon!

As for hearing about your friend, i know how hard that can be and she shouldn't be rubbing it in your face and friend or not i would also punch the smug look off her face, it's not fair that she is doin that on u. She can throw herself a baby shower and u can just concentrate on you and your partner and adding to your family. Hope it all works out for the two of you, good luck for the future! x
so it has almost been 3 months since i lost my baby madilyn. she would be due on march 10th but i had her on december 10th. i feel as if i am just getting more bitter. everyone always says, "oh time heals." i don't feel as if i will ever be fully healed. my best friend found out on friday that she was having a girl. she's 20 weeks now. we work together and she wouldn't tell anyone what she was having until she told me.. which i didn't get. i mean i really do not think people understand what i'm going through and how much i don't want to hear about other people's babies! i work at wal mart and i see enough customers come in with their babies. it's hard!

also one of my good friends from high school just had her baby and stopped to talk to me. i looked at her little baby girl and was extremely jealous. i know 6 people who are due in the month of march, 2 of my cousins, 2 people i went to high school with, 1 of my husband's friends and a girl i used to work with who i see on a regular basis oh and i guess one of my friend's sisters is pregnant too. not to mention all the other people i know who've already had their babies or are due in april and may! my ex boyfriend and my husband's ex girlfriend are both having babies as well.

i have now currently had two periods. i was really hoping i would be pregnant last month, but i was not. my period was 2 days late so i was very, very hopeful.. but nothing! then i went through a stage where i thought maybe i don't want a baby yet, maybe there was some reason that God didn't want me to have one. i know this is crazy thinking. but after seeing babies and hearing about babies i just feel sick and confused and very very scared! my boss' wife just had a baby and we got to hear about it in our morning meeting and i felt like bawling while he told everyone how wonderful she was doing and that they named her addilyn and it reminded me of madilyn and how all my coworkers oooed and aahhed about it while i just wanted to scream "THIS ISN'T FAIR!"

anyways i am supposed to have my period next week and am hoping maybe i will be pregnant. i'm just terrified because i know when you think about something or really want something it usually doesn't happen. but i don't know how to NOT think about it. i mean every second of every day it is what i am thinking about! i mean seriously it's either if i got pregnant now when would i have a baby.. and i think about madilyn and if i did something wrong and if it would happen again and how and when do you tell future children about your beautiful angel baby and i don't know it's just always always on my mind and especially the moment anyone mentions a baby or kids i feel an instant stab to my heart. i just try to act normal and i say i must do a good job because people at work just love to talk about my friend being pregnant! i know this is just a lot of ranting and i feel bad because what i hate the most is feeling sorry for myself but i absolutely do feel sorry for myself!
So sorry for your loss of your daughter Madilyn... I don't think it is too soon as after I lost my daughter Kierstyn in Aug 06, my husband and I tried after 6 wks and got pregnant with son Brett, 3 months after Kierstyn died and he is a healthly little guy no problems and 19 months old...
All I can suggest is to try to look at the positive side of this.. Some woman are not able to get pregnant so soon after losing a baby and there is a reason why you are able too... I think this pregnancy will turn out just fine!!
Hugs, Michelle
Congrats! You must be feeling both joy, relief and terror! I went through a slew of emotions after getting pregnant again. Expect anxiety and possibly some depression during the pregnancy though everyone is different. What caused my depression was that I didn't have the same joy throughout my pregnancy like the first. I found myself always saying "if the baby makes it. . " I just coudn't visualize the happy ending. I ended up not even having shower. I still felt jeaolous of the other women with normal pregnancies, no past losses. Pregnancy chatter was still hard to participate in. And I always compared my second pregnancy with my first which some people didn't want to hear about as they all knew what happened with the first. Then there is the situation of being around others who are in their first pregnancy and you are in your second and already experienced, yet have nothing to show for it. Other second time around pregnant moms have different issues, for example, being pregnant with another child to care for and getting used to someone being a big brother or sister. I never felt I quite fit into any pregnancy conversation. And people always asked me"Is this your first?" I never knew what to say. The best advice I can give is to get the best possible doctor, and ask to be referred to a specialist for high risk pregnancies. They will give constant monitoring and decide if you need any thing special for this pregnancy. I took shots every day for my second pregnancy and had no swelling and complications like in the first. Good luck and please keep us posted!
hiya hope you probably remember me better as lesleykev
well after a very bumpy road including two stillbirths and a misscariage
and a c-section we now have our little boy almost 3 now and a recent addition our 5 month old daughter hannah ,
i had to post this here as i feel when people like ourselves have a possitive outcome its nice to show others there is hope .
also wanted to wish kierstynsmommy all the luck in the world
sorry i haven't posted anything for so long! i had my baby girl november 30th 2009.. it went great. she weighed 7 lbs 14 oz and was 20 1/4 inches long. we named her gemma kate. she is almost 4 months now! i love being a mommy! it is the best and i can't wait to have another one!

i had weekly doctor appointments starting at 23 weeks! it was crazy, but also kind of a relief to get to hear the heartbeat every week. i had 10 ultrasounds in all and lots of nonstress tests and biophysical profiles. i was induced 2 weeks early because my doctor didn't want me to wait any longer than i had to. my only request was that i didn't go over my due date.. i think i had a really good doctor! my epidural didn't work.. they tried 3 different times, but it really wasn't that bad! i was only in active labor for a short time and had gotten the epidural when i really didn't even need it! it would have been nice if it had worked when i hit about 8 cm though! but about 15 minutes later i was at a 10 and pushing so it didn't matter much! also not having an epidural made me push really hard because i wanted it to be over with! i only had to push 3 times! it was a great experience and i can't wait to get to do it again! it will be scary every time i go through a pregnancy but the end result is definitely worth it! i miss madilyn so much and after having gemma i know exactly what i missed out on and for a few weeks after having gemma it was bitter sweet.. especially since 10 days after gemma was born was madilyn's angelversary. i can't change what has happened. i can just live my life to the fullest and be thankful for all the wonderful things in my life. i will never forget about madilyn! there are definitely tough times, especially late at night when i can't help but cry. i don't know if this makes any sense but i am still thankful that god put her in my life because she is and will always be my first baby girl. i would never change the fact that my husband and i made her.. i wish things could have been different. i think about her every day and can't wait to see her again!

i tried to put some pics on here but it won't let me!
to everyone just becuase of one lost their is always another try.....i believe that lost will be the angle in the next child....this is why i say this becuase i was 18 yrs old 22 wks preg went into labor and i didnt know i just thought i was low an water so i was drinking water all day i thought that would make the cramps go away ( iwas 18 my first preg what did i know?) so i stayed at wrk cuase my boss told me she went throught the same thing she put me in a non movement part of the job but the cramp still where coming...i wrked my 8 hrs then drove home which was 45 min away from my job didn't really fell any pain but some i walk into my house told my mom and dad i wasn't felling i had cramps i called the doctor he told me go to the e.r. now remember i'm 18 at 22 wks preg i tell my mom and dad i'll be home soon dont wrry they r just going to give me an iv and send me home...thats what i thought.....well i get there they check me and they tell me i have to go to labor and delivery right away...i told them i cant i needed to call the babys dad and someone to be there with me.....they told me i had less then 15 min cuase i was 9cm dilated and the baby still and a heart beat and moving...i call home got mom and dad to get to the hosp with the rest of the fam after everyone got there beside the baby dad they had to break the water bag cuase the pain wa getting so bad....they broke the bag and they lost the babys headthey couldn't feel it anymore i told them the baby moved up under my rib they thought i was crazy they did an utrasound and found him under my rib and my pain stop after breaking the bag that was at 7 10 pm i told them he was waiting for his dad....durning this time they made me make the choice again of letting my son live or past...when i had to make it the 1st time no was their to help me i didnt want my son to die but they told me some stuff that i didnt want my son to live with for the rest of his life so i choose to let him past way i thought to my sef if it was meant for me to have him i would have him march and not son was born alive and was baptised and lived for almost 2 hrs whit no michines and was making noises and i let him pass away....and i think about it everyday how i believe i made a mistake my son would be 10 yrs now...but i got preg 4 month later the month i was to have my son A.J. and had a healthy girl on christmas eve and i beleive that is my angle my son sent o me cuase he couldn't be with me and sent me another angle my daughter...the reason i believ this is becuase my son was due march 17th 2000 and was born nov 22 1999 and i got preg around st pattys day 2000 with my daughter and had her on christmas eve 2000 they r 11 months and 2 days apart they are irish twins i have pictures of my son after he was born and have his daughter looks just like his pictures in the face in her newborn pic i bellieve my son sent me her and i'm proud to say she is my daughter...but i can say i made a mistake giving up on my son i wish i gave him a chance....plse dont hate me
I am so sorry. My doctor told me after my first I could try. The risk of to soon is usually because of an infection, but you didn't have an infection so you should be just fine. Lots of luck and love this time

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