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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

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I just needed to vent. I haven't posted in a long time even though I have been lurking here and there.

On my 3rd IVF, I finally had a BFP and the numbers seemed to be doubling normally. At my 7 week first ultrasound, which was this past friday, the ultrasound tech didn't see much going on and basically told me that it measures at 5 weeks and 3 days (incidentally that was the day when I worked almost to exhaustion for a party). I get taken to the back room at the IVF center (conveniently located near the exit), and a nurse quickly tells me that it's all gone and I should do a D&E and she wants it scheduled in a few days. She tells me that she sees this every day at least 3 times a day! I was so disheartened and confused. The doctors at my center are so hard to reach-I have to leave a voice message with the nurse and then we play phone tag. God forbid the doctor calls and I just miss picking the phone-that's it. So I called my regular OBGYN on Monday who took 5 minutes out of her very busy life and answered my questions and will see me today for a follow up ultrasound to make sure.

I just felt very confused-am I absolutely sure it's a failure? Should I do a D&E or should I wait for a miscarriage? Is a miscarriage painful? I just wasn't ready to have a D&E without at least talking to a doctor and having a follow up ultrasound.

Did anybody have a D&E? Did anybody have a miscarriage at say 8 weeks? How was that? Was it very painful?
I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks, it was missed. The baby died at 8 weeks. I had a D and C (I was in Japan and wasnt given any other options). I didnt like it at all. It was like a surgery and they didnt give me pain meds and my anesthesia didnt even work (although I was paralyzed)...although it may be different in America. It was painful on the day that it happened, the worst was all the IVs and the WORST was the dilation thing that they stuck into my cervix..but they may deaden the area in America. I was so upset and confused and shocked at the time that I dont think I could have waited for it to happen naturally. But I would have liked to take some medicine so that it could have happened naturally (without surgery). I think they have that here.
But first you need to get a complete story of what happened to you. It sounds to me that your docs are not the best. It really sucks to have a bad doctor, they see miscarriage so much that they dont give a lick about us or our feelings. It was SO hard, and the doctor was like "oh, looks like its dead" (in japanese, my husband told me he said that). I was SOOO upset. It helped a lot though to talk to others that have had the same experience.
Just one word of advice for your next pregnany...this worked good for me. The second time I got pregnant, I didnt even CALL a doctor until I was about 10 weeks and then I made an appt for when I was 11 weeks. My idea was that if I was going to miscarry I wanted to do it naturally, and I didnt want doctors who dont care to have to tell me that my precious baby was gone..I wanted God to just take him/her naturally. I will do that again, on my next babies.
It would be diff. with you because you used IVF, but you may be able to just get the injection (assuming you dont need shots and stuff) and dont go back until its necessary..

It does get easier...just hold out. :hugs:
Thank you for your replies. I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner but I was swallowed by the events happening for the past two weeks. I did get a D&C 4 days ago and it went very well. Of course, I got general anesthesia and that is very easy. The little cramping and little bleeding after were very manageable and they gave me something for pain when I came out (it works instantly). Honestly, it hurt less after then when I had my egg retrieval during IVF! I am glad I waited a week to do it because it gave me time to come to terms with what is happening.
I suppose my hormones are all over the place now. Since yesterday, my boobs have been hurting enormously (I feel like I had surgery on my boobs, really), I have a headache, and emotionally I am very off. It's like a big PMS on steroids.
Somebody told me yesterday that a miscarriage happens when the soul of the baby just hasn't learned how to latch on to life. Sounds much nicer than a "miscarriage" or a "blighted ovum", doesn't it?

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