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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index

I have miscarried twice in the past year and a half, so I understand the pain you're going through. Both of my miscarriages were earlier in the pregnancy (8 weeks & 5 weeks), but I was still devasted. These were my 1st 2 pregnancies, I dont have any other kids. I'm sure it must be even harder at 17 weeks, especially since you heard the heartbeat & were in your second trimester. I don't know if this was your 1st miscarriage or not, if you've had more than 1 then your doctor may be able to do some tests to see if there is a reason for it. I know that I had a very hard time dealing with both miscarriages, especially when my sister got pregnant shortly after my 1st, then a friend, and then a cousin. None of them had any complications (of course I'm happy for them) but it made it harder for me when I lost 2 in a row. No one undertands what it feels like unless they've experienced it too. I did get pregnant again shortly after my 2nd miscarriage, and the doctor put me on progesterone supplements. I am now 38 weeks pregnant & doing well. Getting pregnant again helped me get over the other losses, but it was still difficult for me. Family support always helps & you should talk to your doctor to see if they will do any tests. Agian I'm really sorry for your loss, and I hope you're feeling better soon. ;)
Dear Elencat,
I am so sorry and heart broken to hear about your devastating loss. I know I don't know you but I wish I could put my arms around you and comfort you. There are no words to describe what you have been through and what you are going through. There is nothing in life that prepares you for it. I never write on these forums, probably because I'm too shy. But I also lost a little boy at 17 weeks on the 6th March 2009. Like you, I started spotting about 10 days before. I carried on as normal, even accompanying my husband on long walks at the weekend because my obstetrician wasn't worried. Then I woke up one morning and I thought my period was comming all at once. They hospitalised me, but by then it was too late. I was told that I had an normally banal infection that had entered the uterus. The next day my waters broke and I had to call my husband who was at home, tired after a long day at the hospital and tell him that I had lost our baby. They had to sedate me that night. They explained to me that I would have to give birth to the baby and just wait for it to happen. As I am sure you know, it was the worst and most shattering experience of my life. 6 Months on and I am able to smile, laugh and feel happy. My little boy will always be part of me, and my love for him will never go away.

You are not alone. I am thinking of you and wishing you love and comefort from those around you. My doctor suggested that I see a therapist to help me through. I saw one for 4 months, once a week, and it helped me to come to terms with my loss. My pregnancy was obtained through IVF. We are going to try again soon, and I know that what ever happens, it is a new story that is writing itself. I wish you much happieness in you life and want to let you know that who ever you are, I am thinking of you.
Hi Dylansmom, just to let you know that I am thinking of you with all my heart. I thought the poem that Ellencat put in was absoloutley beautiful and true. You have my support during this terrible time and please feel free to write to me whenever you want and I will answer. I lost my little one at 17 weeks on 6th March 2009. I held him in my arms and said goodbye to him. My husband and i were so grateful that we had been given the experience of feeling such happieness, even though if was for a short time. Like all mothers who loose a child in this way, it is devastating and some how feels unfinished. But if you didn't know already, your little boy will always be with you, basking in your love for him that will never go away. He was a gift from God and his presence in your life is ment to enrich it.
I know that you will have moments of terrible sadness, but if I may, it is important to allow yourself to feel happy, laugh, and love your husband. That is what your baby would want.

I apologise for sounding bossy and presumptious, but having lived the same thing, I automatically feel close to you, even though we have never met.
I had the same, strong pregnancy symptoms as you until 14 weeks when I stopped my meds (I did IVF) and all was well, until I started spotting. I spoke to the doctor about it but he wasn't concerned. Then one morning about a week later, I woke up to heavy bleeding. I went to hospital and they kept me there. Ultrasound showed a strong heart beat, but one of the many doctors I saw said he wasn't happy with the amount of fluid around the baby. They tested, and no, my waters were still intact, and so when the beelding lessened, they sent me home. I knew something was still wrong because my skin was crawling, and one hour later I had strong pains, comming and going (contractions). So, back to hospital and more tests. They told me a had a severe infection from bacteria that had made their way up into the uterus. They started intravenous antibiotics, but by then it was too late. I cannot describe the heart-stopping moment when I felt my waters break. I was all alone. My husband had gone back to work, and I had to call him and tell him that I had lost our baby. It was the worst moment of my life. Naturally as we know, I had to wait for the birth, and what I cannot ever get over is that I had to wait for my little boy to die. The delivery room was so quiet, and when he came out, you could hear a pin drop. I was so affected/shocked by it that they could not get the placenta out, so I ended up in surgery, as soon as I was asleep, it came out. The hospital encouraged me to hold my baby a few hours later, and even though he was gone, I marveled at my beautiful little angel.

I have told you my experience in the hope that it helps you to realise that you are not alone and to try to discribe the depths of my feelings and understanding for the loss of your little boy. I would be lying if I said that I am over it. I don't think I ever will. But I can tell you that it gets easier, day by day, week, by week, and month by month. You must embrace your sadness even though it is much easier to bury it, and if you like hugs, get as many as possible.

I am thinking of you and sending you lots of love,


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