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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


I have miscarried twice in the past year and a half, so I understand the pain you're going through. Both of my miscarriages were earlier in the pregnancy (8 weeks & 5 weeks), but I was still devasted. These were my 1st 2 pregnancies, I dont have any other kids. I'm sure it must be even harder at 17 weeks, especially since you heard the heartbeat & were in your second trimester. I don't know if this was your 1st miscarriage or not, if you've had more than 1 then your doctor may be able to do some tests to see if there is a reason for it. I know that I had a very hard time dealing with both miscarriages, especially when my sister got pregnant shortly after my 1st, then a friend, and then a cousin. None of them had any complications (of course I'm happy for them) but it made it harder for me when I lost 2 in a row. No one undertands what it feels like unless they've experienced it too. I did get pregnant again shortly after my 2nd miscarriage, and the doctor put me on progesterone supplements. I am now 38 weeks pregnant & doing well. Getting pregnant again helped me get over the other losses, but it was still difficult for me. Family support always helps & you should talk to your doctor to see if they will do any tests. Agian I'm really sorry for your loss, and I hope you're feeling better soon. ;)
Hi dylansmom2010, all I can say is how truly sorry I am for your loss. It is the worst nightmare that I ever had to endure & I know you probably wont want to hear this but I am still not over it. One piece of advice for you though is if you haven't done so already take pictures of your little angel. It was one thing I was so glad we did. If you ever need someone to chat to I will be here. I put in a poem that I came across after my miscarriage, oddly it gave me great peace. Sending all my prayers & best wishes to you, your partner & especially your little Dylan.

After making his new angel
God looked down from above
He happened to notice you
And all he saw was love

He said to the angel
"I need to send you there,
There is where you'll be loved
Where you will feel the most care"

So God sent you this angel
To nurture, love and grow
But not an angel you could keep
For it would soon be time to go

You taught this angel wonderful things
That only a mother could do
Your angel learnt compassion and warmth
Whilst living inside of you

This angel was one that would have to leave
One you'd never hold
One you'd mourn for the rest of your life
If the truth be told

God realised you'd miss this angel
And so he gave you tears
A way to express your love
Over the coming years

Then God called this angel home
And asked what the angel had learned
The angel said a love so strong
In a mothers heart had burned

"I learnt that love can exist
Even when I've gone
For love never dies you see
I've learnt it carries on"

God looked at the angel
Smiled and gave a sigh
"You have learnt a valuable lesson
That often passes people by"

The angel looked at God and asked
"Why is my mummy so sad?"
God answered "when I called you home
It made her miss what she had;

But soon she will realize
I sent her a special gift
I sent her you my child
Although I took you swift

Her love for you will never wane
You will remain ever in her heart
You will be in her thoughts and feelings
Like you've never been apart"

The angel asked God what this mummy did
To deserve such a wonderful thing
"Your mummy is so pure of heart
she makes the angels want to sing"

The angel thanked God
For giving him such a lovely mum
So you see in loving your angel
Your work is truly done

God didn't wish to punish you
He only showed you love
He gave you a special angel
A gift from heaven above

He knows only a special person
Can be an angel mum
He made us in his image
He lost his only son

He knows just how your heart aches
And wished that wasn't so
But your angel is so happy
In God's heavenly home

So when you think of your angel
Please just smile, don't weep
Be proud that God chose you
To love an angel so sweet

When your heart feels empty
Your life so full of despair
Remember God picked you!
Because no-one else compares
Hi Dylansmom, just to let you know that I am thinking of you with all my heart. I thought the poem that Ellencat put in was absoloutley beautiful and true. You have my support during this terrible time and please feel free to write to me whenever you want and I will answer. I lost my little one at 17 weeks on 6th March 2009. I held him in my arms and said goodbye to him. My husband and i were so grateful that we had been given the experience of feeling such happieness, even though if was for a short time. Like all mothers who loose a child in this way, it is devastating and some how feels unfinished. But if you didn't know already, your little boy will always be with you, basking in your love for him that will never go away. He was a gift from God and his presence in your life is ment to enrich it.
I know that you will have moments of terrible sadness, but if I may, it is important to allow yourself to feel happy, laugh, and love your husband. That is what your baby would want.

I apologise for sounding bossy and presumptious, but having lived the same thing, I automatically feel close to you, even though we have never met.
I had the same, strong pregnancy symptoms as you until 14 weeks when I stopped my meds (I did IVF) and all was well, until I started spotting. I spoke to the doctor about it but he wasn't concerned. Then one morning about a week later, I woke up to heavy bleeding. I went to hospital and they kept me there. Ultrasound showed a strong heart beat, but one of the many doctors I saw said he wasn't happy with the amount of fluid around the baby. They tested, and no, my waters were still intact, and so when the beelding lessened, they sent me home. I knew something was still wrong because my skin was crawling, and one hour later I had strong pains, comming and going (contractions). So, back to hospital and more tests. They told me a had a severe infection from bacteria that had made their way up into the uterus. They started intravenous antibiotics, but by then it was too late. I cannot describe the heart-stopping moment when I felt my waters break. I was all alone. My husband had gone back to work, and I had to call him and tell him that I had lost our baby. It was the worst moment of my life. Naturally as we know, I had to wait for the birth, and what I cannot ever get over is that I had to wait for my little boy to die. The delivery room was so quiet, and when he came out, you could hear a pin drop. I was so affected/shocked by it that they could not get the placenta out, so I ended up in surgery, as soon as I was asleep, it came out. The hospital encouraged me to hold my baby a few hours later, and even though he was gone, I marveled at my beautiful little angel.

I have told you my experience in the hope that it helps you to realise that you are not alone and to try to discribe the depths of my feelings and understanding for the loss of your little boy. I would be lying if I said that I am over it. I don't think I ever will. But I can tell you that it gets easier, day by day, week, by week, and month by month. You must embrace your sadness even though it is much easier to bury it, and if you like hugs, get as many as possible.

I am thinking of you and sending you lots of love,

Bagatelle





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