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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

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im sorry i just lost my set of twins its so hard i was 12 weeks with identical twins i lost them july 11 2010 it was just like whatyou said but i lost them at home i held them in my hands and almost die in the hospital they gave me blood if not i would have died with them but thank god i can see my 2 girls grow-up and become woman im still not over it dont really think i ever will be i cant even look at a baby how long did this feeling last for you
[QUOTE=lalocayesy24;4291309]im sorry i just lost my set of twins its so hard i was 12 weeks with identical twins i lost them july 11 2010 it was just like whatyou said but i lost them at home i held them in my hands and almost die in the hospital they gave me blood if not i would have died with them but thank god i can see my 2 girls grow-up and become woman im still not over it dont really think i ever will be i cant even look at a baby how long did this feeling last for you[/QUOTE]

Lalocayesy, I'm so very sorry for your loss.
As far as how long the feelings last, it's hard to say. You may be able to accept the loss after a few months or it may take much, much longer. There isn't a set healing time and it depends on how each person deals with the loss.

I had a mother who experienced multiple losses tell me that the pain never goes away, but it will eventually plateau. It will always hurt, but you'll learn to cope and come to terms with the pain.

Take it easy and know that your overwhelming feelings are normal. Please feel free to send me a private message if you just want someone to talk to. I find that those who have never suffered a loss will never understand the pain and emotions that occur after the loss. For those people who have experienced loss, no words or explanation is necessary -- they just understand. My point is, I can't take away your pain, but I'm willing to talk if you think that would help.
I just found out September 13th at my fetal ultra-sound to check my elevated Alpha Protein test and make sure our 19 week baby did not have spina bifida. I was not concerned as our first daughter had higher levels and they never she was born at 37 weeks completely healthy. I did wake up and when I went to the bathroom had some very light brown discharge. But I was not expecting to get to the ultra-sound and hear the lady tell me that the amniotic fluid was extremely low, I hadn't had any leaking of fluid. She was so busy checking the measurements of the baby and when I noticed her measure the leg bone at 16.5 weeks I stopped her and said, can you check the heart beat. There was no heart beat. They called the doctor in and confirmed no heart beat, no blood flow, and the brain was starting to sink. I was devastated. I was told I would need to go to the hospital within a week and be induced to deliver our baby. I didn't even find out the sex at that point. My husband and I went to the hospital the next morning, at 12pm I was given the first pill to induce labor. 4 hours later I was given the 2nd dose, by 6pm I decided I didn't want to "brave" through the contractions any longer and got the morphine drip, which did nothing to elevate the pain of the contractions, just makes you feel drowsy and out of it. At 8:07pm our Glory Angel Cruz was born weighing just 110 grams, measured 7 1/2 inches. He was absolutely perfect except he was very swollen around his neck. I had 24 vials of blood taken, they are doing a placenta biopsy, but all of these will take 12 weeks to get results. The nurse and attending OB think that he had so much room to move around and ended up twisting his cord severely, there were no knots but it's possible it was twisted enough he wasn't able to get enough from the placenta to survive. This is what I am hoping for as I had a completely healthy heartbeat at 16 weeks. It was at 146, now 3 weeks before it had been at 160 so maybe he was already declining, I don't know. I'm scared because this is our third loss in a row. I lost on in May 2009 at just 44 days pregnant, one in October 2009 at 8 weeks, and never thought I would experience one at 19 weeks, you think your totally safe once you get past 12 weeks! I disagree with the term miscarriage, I believe I had a stillborn baby. I'm upset that if it had been one week later, funeral arrangements are required, and more poor baby wouldn't be sitting in a morgue right now waiting for the medical examiner to determine his fetal age, when we already know he passed at 16.5-17 weeks. It could take 4-6 weeks for the funeral home to get his remains to be cremated! I don't get a death certificate because he wasn't 20 weeks.
But don't loose heart at having a healthy baby. My mother had the exact thing happen at 5 months and went on to conceive 6 months later and gave birth to my sister who now is a Mom herself. My husband and I have clung to making sure we glorify God in all of this. He has the ultimate plan, and while I don't understand right now why He decided to keep my Glory Angel, I know that something amazing will come out of our loss. We have decided to not try so hard to get pregnant again. I charted and took temperatures, timed ovulation, etc. for 17 months. With our son we seriously had a few glasses of wine one night and were like, lets have a baby, and we did. He is a healthy 2 years old. So I have to have faith that we can have the 4th child we long for to complete our family.
I am also so very sorry for your loss as well . I know how you feel as I too lost a child at almost 20 weeks. I will tell you my story in hopes that it gives you some insight as to pregnancy after loss.
I had already had 2 beautiful daughters , no previous problems getting pregnant and no miscarriages. My husband and I decided we would like to have another child. To my dismay we were actually having a hard time conceiving this time around. It had only been 4 months of trying but for me I got pregnant so quickly before I felt this was not normal for my body. After going through my cycle chart my doctor said though I was ovulation fine , my periods were coming to quicky , like every 22 days , so it was not enough time for the egg to actually attach before I started shedding again ! so she put me on one cycle of clomid and BAM ! First month I became pregnant. Went to all my appointments , everything was great . At the 18th week I went in with my family to do the measuring and find out the sex of our child. i knew right away something was not right. I had no amniotic fluid left , and the babies kidneys were extremely large and not functioning. So I was sent to a specialist at Mass general in Boston where I was again given the same news and told that the child would not survive outside of the womb. The doctor asked me to deliver the child because they would like to do an autopsy after to find out why this had happened and if was genetic or not.
I just could not bring myself to do it , so I opted to have it done under anesthesia and they would remove the baby. After the procedure , I went home and waited for results. Turns out it was not genetic and they really hadno idea what caused the kidneys to be so cystic and stop working , just a fluke thing unfortunately. So now lets go 7 weeks after my loss. Finally my husband and I were able to be intimate. It was very emotional for both of us but we felt very close and it was much needed. May I also say we used protection. Now fast forward 7 more weeks. I am in the shower and I just feel a pressure and bumpp in my stomach as I m washing up. I tell my husband that I think I may have an infection or something from the procedure a few months back. I felt bloated and like something was " off" . I called my obgyn and she asked me to come in for an ultrasoundd to just see what was going on . She had told me it takes a while for my body to get back to normal because my body felt like it had actually given birth. I had even had milk come in after the loss !
So I am in the ultrasound room with the same woman who had done my previous diagnosis. I am all by myself as well. She looks at the screen , then looks at me and smirks. She says , "there is absolutely nothing wrong with your uterus other than the fact that you are PREGNANT " !! looked at her like " Ha Ha funny funny " . She assured me that I was indeed not only pregnant but I was 7 weeks pregnant !. This was to be my little miracle child. I was in shock as was my husband when I called to tell him. The one night of love after loss had produced another child ( though we still question how! lol ). 7.5 months later I delivered ANOTHER healthy baby GIRL !!

Do not give up hope. You will be blessed someday .

I also asked after I had my daughter what the sex of the baby I had lost was , finally ready to know.
It was a boy :(

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