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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


Ok. I dont think outside stressors are an issue anymore. Since I had the miscarriage, I dont think Im well. I suffered through postpardum deprression with my baby, and had a miscarriage a few months after that. How screwed up can one get from that? My husband is urging me to seek help. He called me this morning and I told him that I was driving my 6 year old to school, and the baby was so still in the back seat I thought she was dead. The baby is teething and last night she was screaming and I kept telling my husband that she was unhappy and stressed out and that we did it to her. He thinks I have lost it. I feel disconnected. I feel like Im on another planet. I called my mom this morning and am at her house with the baby (she is at work) and I didnt tell her anything really but she was so disturbed by how I sounded that she urged me to call her at work and she would come home if I needed her. She never does that. Im shaking. I cried all night. I havent been eating or sleeping. I told my husband I killed our baby. He said how and I said by not wanting it. He was 7 1/2 inches long when I miscarried! The hospital is treating it more as a stillbirth than a miscarriage. All that and I thought I was only maybe 12 weeks along or so. Im here at my moms house cause I was afraid today that I would crash the car or burn the house down(not intentionally). I have to ask myself over and over if I fed or changed the baby.Im OK for now. But I need help. Luckily (LOL) my mom is a therapist and I can get some sort of referral. I also have had the privelage of working with people in the mental health field, so I know what to do to get the ball rolling. Right now I feel like Im nuts. Im wearing my husbands shirt I went to bed in last night, some black pants, and sneakers with no socks. Im going to take a shower in a minute. This just sucks. Im ordinarily a high functioning person. My 6 year old told me last night that Im a great mommy because I take care of her and make her be good but Im nice too. Im usually dressed up, hair fixed, kids are clean and well cared for. I look frightful right now. I have circles under my eyes. I am appalled by myself at the moment. The baby is sleeping and Im going to try to at least physically pull myself together before she gets up. One look at me and my family would commit me on the spot. lol. take care. I will give you an update.





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