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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board


Miscarriage & Still Birth Board Index


After several years of trying and multiple failed or early miscarriage IUI and IVF cycles finally an FET cycle worked for us. I was having the perfect pregnancy with the exception of some pretty bad morning sickness all the way through the 2nd trimester. At my 20 week ultrasound the baby was doing great strong heartbeat 160 moving like crazy but a little small. The Dr. was not really concerned but wanted me to come back at 22 weeks to look at the heart and kidneys since they were too small to see at the 20 week appointment. My wonderful DH went to every ultrasound he was so excited to see our girl at every appointment but at my 22 week appointment he couldn't make it he was bogged down at work and everything was fine anyway we didn't even think twice about him not going. So I waited in the waiting room to be called in and when they finally called me after an hour I was soooo excited to see my girl (even posted on Facebook). Chatting with the ultrasound tech as we get ready to start and then crash my whole world crumbles around me. I knew instantly that there was no heartbeat. I asked the tech "is she alive" no answer so my next impulse was to scream "IS SHE ALIVE" the tech then confirmed what I already knew my little girl had died. I didn't cry I felt completely numb all I could think about was having to be the person to tell my DH that our little girl we loved so very much already was dead how could I be the one to give him the news that was going to change his life forever. I finally called him and my in laws so that they would make sure he would get to me safe. When they finally arrived we had a decision to make would I go home and wait for labor, would I be admitted immediately and induce labor or would I have a D&E. We decided a D&E would be the best thing for us because I couldnít imagine at the time laboring and delivering the baby. I really believed no good could come from that and it would just traumatize me more. Fortunately my body had a different plan and after a day and a half of seaweed sticks and balloons being put into my cervix our precious baby girl Nicole was born sleeping at 1:12 am. My husband and I decided not to see her a decision I think I regret now more than anything but it was a decision we made together and my husband really didnít want to and at the time I was waffling back and forth about it because I was scared of what I would see. My Doctors told me she was beautiful and nothing appeared to be physically wrong with her she did not have any deformities that would be a clue into any cause of death. I had an amniocentesis earlier in the pregnancy and she was fine genetically. So now we wait we agreed to an autopsy and we should have some answers in a few weeks if we get answers I know there is a possibility that we will never know what happened. We are beyond devastated I canít put into words how I feel I know I donít feel like I will ever be the same person I was the day before the ultrasound. I feel like I want to curl up into a ball and die. I canít look forward to anything I donít even want to be in my own house I spend most of my days laying on my mother in laws couch crying. I read all these similar posts and it is so sad how so many people have experienced the same thing and how everyone feels that the only thing that will make them feel better is to have another baby. I FEEL THE SAME WAY itís the only thing that will heal me, now donít get me wrong I donít want to replace her I could never replace her she was and is our first child but I need to be whole again and I think that another baby will help to fill some of that hole Nicole left behind.
Here is my question is there anyone who has gone through a similar situation and also had fertility issues but still go on to have a healthy pregnancy either naturally or through IVF?





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