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Multiple Sclerosis Message Board


Multiple Sclerosis Board Index


oh Lisa, my heart goes out to you. We have all been there. You know that, right? You are not alone?
You know that yesterday I went for my MRIs....I was fine. I was fine when I got home and made dinner, I was fine when I posted last night. I was fine right up until the moment I laid down on my bed, and burst into tears. My poor husband laid next to me trying to figure out what "hurt". What he didnt understand was it was my heart...

I spent alot of time in that MRI thinking about the last year of my life...how one year ago, I was given the news of MS, in that year, finished school, graduated valedictorian, got a new and challenging job, had my 6 month MRI, and lets not forget Rebif. Learning to give myself shots...yada yada. I thought about how I made the decision [B]NOT[/B] to have kids...alot went on in a year. I know that I should be SOOO PROUD of what I HAVE acomplished and feel good about my first year with MS, but instead I cried buckets over what I went thru, what MIGHT Happen if the results of this MRI are bad...I basically fell apart for an hour. GUESS WHAT? I deserved it. I woke up feeling so much better this morning, because I can get out of bed and bathe myself. I can walk up and down the stairs still..(I had that in my crying jag too). I can drive myself to work....and I can see out of both eyes!

What Im trying to tell you is that you arent alone in your fears, frustrations and anxieties over this stupid disease. We are GOOD people. We DIDNT ask for this. We dont deserve this. But do you really know anyone who does?

You are permitted to feel sorry for yourself, as long as it is brief, and not ongoing. Youre [B]not[/B] allowed to get depressed. I truly believe that you are one of the strong ones. You have a handle on this. You can take an hour to throw things (didnt you tell us you have pets?) Go walk the dogs or hug the cats. Pet therapy is reallly great for you. Go take a walk yourself. Make yourself something decadent to eat this morning....bake a cake. Chocolate chip cookies. And then eat ALL OF THEM! Or skip baking and just eat the darn batter! (yum). again, the point being go spoil yourself. Like manicures? Go get a pedicure today. Like sappy books? Go buy one and curl up the couch and read it. DO whatever it takes to reward yourself for being strong and wonderful. And, dont forget that someone thinks you are all that. Youre stong, youre wonderful and you are acting very normal with this sudden onset of emotions. It happens. To all of us.

By the time you finish reading this, some of it will have passed. And today, if it kicks in again, read it again. Read about other peoples fears and anxieties. Read about the happy people who are facing new challenges every day and overcoming them. Remember that you have support, and we do care. I care. And, Ill check on you when I get home from work today.

Hugs to you. Know that youll be on my mind today. And, try really hard to find time to do something for yourself. Its important that we dont forget that we are women first- wives, girlfriends, mothers second, and MS is WAY DOWN THE LINE. Hugs Lisa...
Nikki





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