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Cancer: Cervical & Ovarian Message Board


Cancer: Cervical & Ovarian Board Index


Good Morning,

It's time I tell my story. I am 42 years old. I was abused from the ages of 7-17 at the hands of my stepfather. My mother is not innocent in this by any means but she is on kidney dialysis (3x a week) and I have not had any contact with her in almost 10 years (although I have tried and been rejected) so I think she is suffering and I have suffered enough without me saying anymore.

I have been diagnosed with LGSIL, HGSIL, HPV, CIN I, CIN II, CIN III, Atypical Glandular Cells, Cervical Cancer and who knows what else is going on inside me. I have 1 1/2 kidneys which I attribute to my stepfather too. He weighed 350-400 lbs. I think that explains that.

I was married for 20 years (1st marriage) before I left and divorced my first husband. I stayed in that marriage 10 years too long but I stayed for my 2 sons.

I am remarried (2nd marriage) (13 months) to the man of my dreams and then I find out this.

I have started telling my family and am finding out that is a mistake too. I told my sister (39 years old) that I have Cervical Cancer and explained everything that is going on and that I am waiting for more test results before I know what treatment options I have. I asked her if she had any questions. She said, "Is it genetic?" That was it. I told my father and his reaction was, "That doesn't run in OUR family." They are the only immediate family I have that I thought I could talk to.

I have not told very many people about my abuse. I kept it all in that neat little emotional box and didn't tell many because of the feeling that I must have done something wrong to have that happen to me since my mother was there holding my hand and telling me, "It's okay, you're helping me." Then, I get the reaction of my sister and father I am questioning myself again. I have tried counseling (a few different times). Hasn't helped. My husband does know and is so good to me anyway. I have told him everything (he knew before we were married) and he loves me unconditionally.

I can't quit crying. Doesn't matter where. Home, work, grocery store...it just happens. I feel so alone. I don't feel that I can/should keep dwelling on it and let it be the main topic between my husband and myself. He is doing so much for me already. He is my rock. It's not fair to him either. He never complains. He just listens and that is what I need now more than anything else. But, he doesn't really understand what I'm going through like someone that has been through it. That is why I am here taking another chance by opening up the box of emotions again.

Back to the reason we are here. I had an EMB and ECC last Friday. My Dr. said she should have the results in about a week. Tomorrow is a week. I am waiting on pins and needles for those results so that we can get started with the treatment whatever that may be.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Earla






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