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Parenting Issues Message Board


Parenting Issues Board Index


First of all I would like to say that I don't believe that Madhatter needs to marry his significant other for this girl to listen to him. He stated that she has not yet said "you are not my father". And it was also mentioned in one of his replies that the girl said "that she was closer to him then her own father". My mom and step-dad got together when I was 6 years old. They got married when I was 10. They divorced when I was 15. When I was 15 1/2 they got back together and have been together since. I think sometimes when people are married it sometimes leads to more stress. But whenever they did split up my stap-dad was still always there for us kids. They weren't married and he had no obligations to us what so ever but because he was my dad he still was there to give us support (even when him and my mom weren't talking at one time). He bought all of my school clothes and supply because that's what he had always done. When I needed to go to the doctor he was right there paying for it. My mom got really sick and didn't have insurance. That's when he realized the reason for there divorce was stupid and he was there for my mom the whole time. He payed for all of her medical bills. (My mom & step-dad got a divorce because he found out that she was making more money then him for the first time since they were together and I guess it hurt his pride.) Because he was raised in a manner that the husband is suppose to take care of his family. My moms pay checks where pretty much just to pay a phone bill or go out to eat. Just measly little thing for the first 8 years they were together. But then when she started the other job she made more then him. She never told him what she made. He just happened to see one of her pay-stubs on the seat oneday when she picked him up from work. Anyway! My point is this man had not been a father to this girl but a dad. Any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy. Mad I'd like to make a few suggestions to you. I know where you are coming from when you say you worry about your girl. If you didn't worry about her then you wouldn't be human. Take a walk with you daughter one day to her friends house. Have a stop watch and see how long it takes to get there. Then sit down with her when she gets home and say" OK now I know how long it takes you to get to your friends house. I will give you that amount of time plus 5 minutes to call me and say "OK I've made it here safely". And if for some reason someone is already on the phone when she gets there then have her mother call me as soon as possible and explain that someone was on the phone at the time that's why she didn't call right away." If she doen't do this and tell you that she forgot then let her know that this time was her warning and the next time she forget then she won't be allowed to go to her friends house the next time she ask. Let her know that your not trying to baby her you love her and you just worry about her because the world we live in today isn't like it used to be.That should also go for whenever she is leaving her friends house too. Make sure she knows she has to call you. I do this with my son. He's only 9 but its important to set the rules dawn and stick to them. Make sure its a realistic rule. (He only goes right across the street to play. If he goes at 1 then he's to come home at 3. Sometimes I will let him go back but he has to check in with me.) He's told to make sure he tells his mothers friend that hes suppose to be home at a certain time. If he comes home 30 minutes late then I call and find out if he told her what time he was to be home. If she tells me no then I let her know that he will not be able to play the next day because he didn't follow the rules. He's getting really good at telling her now. When she gets busy and sometimes loses track of time she will call me and let me know yes Cameron told her what time to be home but she got busy making dinner and lost track of time. There is no punishment for this because he did what he was told to do.) When you tell her no computer for whatever reason like not doing chours say ok well you didn't do your chours so now you can't get on the computer for 3 days. Or when you ground her for whatever reason stick to it. I've had to learn the hard way. I would tell my son no t.v. for 3 days but he would be really good for the first day and a half so I was like OK well since you were good you can watch t.v. Wrong!!! Because I was always giving in he knew that I would and would act the way he was suppose to so that I would give in to him. Just like grown ups have concequences for there actions kids should too.There no more getting over on mom anymore. I think you are doing a very good job at being this girls dad. The world would probably be alot better if there where more guys like yourself. I have to 3 children. My husband is only biologically the father of our youngest who is 2 1/2. We have been together since my oldest was almost 4 and my middle son was 8 months. They love their dad very much. My oldest know that his daddy is his daddy but not his father. My husband tells everyone that he has 3 kids 2 boys and 1 girl. Of course she gets away with a little more because she's only 2. But when shes old enough to fully understand she would follow the same rules as the boys and I will be on her like I am on them. I just want to wish you the best of luck with your girl. And I hope I was of some assistances to you.
[QUOTE=edaisy80]First of all I would like to say that I don't believe that Madhatter needs to marry his significant other for this girl to listen to him. He stated that she has not yet said "you are not my father". And it was also mentioned in one of his replies that the girl said "that she was closer to him then her own father". My mom and step-dad got together when I was 6 years old. They got married when I was 10. They divorced when I was 15. When I was 15 1/2 they got back together and have been together since. I think sometimes when people are married it sometimes leads to more stress. But whenever they did split up my stap-dad was still always there for us kids. They weren't married and he had no obligations to us what so ever but because he was my dad he still was there to give us support (even when him and my mom weren't talking at one time). He bought all of my school clothes and supply because that's what he had always done. When I needed to go to the doctor he was right there paying for it. My mom got really sick and didn't have insurance. That's when he realized the reason for there divorce was stupid and he was there for my mom the whole time. He payed for all of her medical bills. (My mom & step-dad got a divorce because he found out that she was making more money then him for the first time since they were together and I guess it hurt his pride.) Because he was raised in a manner that the husband is suppose to take care of his family. My moms pay checks where pretty much just to pay a phone bill or go out to eat. Just measly little thing for the first 8 years they were together. But then when she started the other job she made more then him. She never told him what she made. He just happened to see one of her pay-stubs on the seat oneday when she picked him up from work. Anyway! My point is this man had not been a father to this girl but a dad. Any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy. Mad I'd like to make a few suggestions to you. I know where you are coming from when you say you worry about your girl. If you didn't worry about her then you wouldn't be human. Take a walk with you daughter one day to her friends house. Have a stop watch and see how long it takes to get there. Then sit down with her when she gets home and say" OK now I know how long it takes you to get to your friends house. I will give you that amount of time plus 5 minutes to call me and say "OK I've made it here safely". And if for some reason someone is already on the phone when she gets there then have her mother call me as soon as possible and explain that someone was on the phone at the time that's why she didn't call right away." If she doen't do this and tell you that she forgot then let her know that this time was her warning and the next time she forget then she won't be allowed to go to her friends house the next time she ask. Let her know that your not trying to baby her you love her and you just worry about her because the world we live in today isn't like it used to be.That should also go for whenever she is leaving her friends house too. Make sure she knows she has to call you. I do this with my son. He's only 9 but its important to set the rules dawn and stick to them. Make sure its a realistic rule. (He only goes right across the street to play. If he goes at 1 then he's to come home at 3. Sometimes I will let him go back but he has to check in with me.) He's told to make sure he tells his mothers friend that hes suppose to be home at a certain time. If he comes home 30 minutes late then I call and find out if he told her what time he was to be home. If she tells me no then I let her know that he will not be able to play the next day because he didn't follow the rules. He's getting really good at telling her now. When she gets busy and sometimes loses track of time she will call me and let me know yes Cameron told her what time to be home but she got busy making dinner and lost track of time. There is no punishment for this because he did what he was told to do.) When you tell her no computer for whatever reason like not doing chours say ok well you didn't do your chours so now you can't get on the computer for 3 days. Or when you ground her for whatever reason stick to it. I've had to learn the hard way. I would tell my son no t.v. for 3 days but he would be really good for the first day and a half so I was like OK well since you were good you can watch t.v. Wrong!!! Because I was always giving in he knew that I would and would act the way he was suppose to so that I would give in to him. Just like grown ups have concequences for there actions kids should too.There no more getting over on mom anymore. I think you are doing a very good job at being this girls dad. The world would probably be alot better if there where more guys like yourself. I have to 3 children. My husband is only biologically the father of our youngest who is 2 1/2. We have been together since my oldest was almost 4 and my middle son was 8 months. They love their dad very much. My oldest know that his daddy is his daddy but not his father. My husband tells everyone that he has 3 kids 2 boys and 1 girl. Of course she gets away with a little more because she's only 2. But when shes old enough to fully understand she would follow the same rules as the boys and I will be on her like I am on them. I just want to wish you the best of luck with your girl. And I hope I was of some assistances to you.[/QUOTE]


Well you have your opinion and I have mine. I just don't think it's right that someone wants to be the "daddy" and disiplinarian (sp?) to someone elses child, yet they don't want to marry the child's mother. I am sorry, but it just doesn't make any sense to me. Besides, how is he going to feel when this child turns 18 and moves in with her boyfriend? Afterall it's OK, because this is the example she has learned!
Don't get me wrong - I am by NO means a prude, but I think part of this world's problems stem from the fact that no one thinks about family values and committments anymore. And much to Mad's belief that I am a spoiled brat, he couldn't be more off the mark. I was raised to work hard, earn my own money and be responsible for my own actions. And I still believe and stand by my post when I stated that not only would I not listen to my "mother's boyfriend", I would also be very dissapointed in the fact that they were not married. (Not to mention embarrassed)
We agree to dissagree - That's what this healthboard is all about. Everyone has their own views, and what's good for someone, may not be good for someone else. Have a nice day.





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