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Parenting Issues Message Board

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Teenage preagnancy
Aug 5, 2004
Im only sixteen and I really want to have a baby. My mother is very strict and I know she wouldn't aprove, but its my life. I just want to know from any parent....what would be your reaction if your child told you she wanted a baby? :confused:
Well coming from a parent who had a child young, I would advise my daugher to love and enjoy life... I would hope that she would see my struggles.
Yes, I love both of my children, and yes babies are cute but it is a struggle. Its not easy. And as they get older, it's very hard...
I got pregnant with my son shortly after high school... I was 19 when I gave birth. I had my 2nd child when I was 23...
Boys (men) may say they will stick around or that they love you but that can ALWAYS change.
You have to KNOW that you can take care of a baby, 5 year old, 10 year old 15 yr old 100% on your own....
You have to provide a home, clothes, education, guidance... None of this is easy...
Usually when a young girl (or boy) seeks having a child they are missing out on something else... They think having a baby will fix things, give them someone ot love and someone who will love them back...
I hate to be the one to break it to ya.... That is NOT the case!!!!!

Please reconsider this... You are young, you have your whole life ahead of you... If you aren't happyno one else will make you happy... happiness comes from within...
When you like YOU and enjoy spending time with YOU and have the finacial means to take care of YOU then YOU can think about bringing someone else into your life...

Good luck
Thanks alot that really helps, but when you had your child didn't it make life so much better?
Nope, it made life harder...
You do know that a child will talk back, not always agree and love you back and disobey at times don't you?
Yes, you can love them and they will love you, but you will still have your HARD times reguardless of how much love and understanding is there...
Being a mother (if done right) is compared to having 2 full time jobs..
Now imagine being a teen mother who is single and having to work...
It will be like you have 3-4 full time jobs... Is that what you want so young?
I'm sorry, but unless you have someone else raise your child, you will miss out on so much that life has to offer... If you wait, you can enjoy life and still become a mother once you are settled...
Im not a mother...but all during high school I baby sat my sister in laws 3 kids. I'd go there right after all of them all night, 8mos, 3 yrs, and 7...bathe, feed, help with homework, clean up, do my homework...get them up for school...get myself to school..keep my grades up. I did this nearly every day for almost 4 was rough. I took care of them all night, over night during school days, and all day on weekends. Trying to do school, and mother 3 children every day is really hard. And I was getting paid to do it. I didnt have to pay for their food, or clothes, or school activities...I just had to make sure everything was taken care of and done. It was hard enough with out the financial problems. I really REALLY would suggest waiting until you're done school and you're financially sound. Its hard enough when you dont have to pay for it. I got stressed out and such even when I was getting paid. I love those kids like they were my own, and they loved me too...but it just made high school hell. I never got to go out with my friends often, I still had to take care of them when I was sick...I didnt have any time for myself. And I still had to manage to get through school somehow. It's really not worth it. I've always wanted kids at a young age, Im 20 now and me and my soon to be fiance plan on trying for kids next summer. We know we're emotinally ready etc. I mean I did it, I chose to do it with other peoples kids and still get through school, and i loved it, I loved the kids...and I know if it were my own I would too. And my lifes more settled now, so it'd be easier. But it was tough, and I can honestly say it wasnt my best move. I lacked a lot of things, and missed a lot of opportunities that you only get when you're young. But, if we arent financially ready, we're not even going to try, because thats not fair to the kid, or to us. What kind of life does a kid have if its managing to barely get by, barely having enough food to eat, good clothes to wear, and if you're working all the time to support it? If you're hoping your mother/father will look after it while you work. Thats not fair either. You cant put your responsibilities onto someone else. Wait until you know for a fact you can support a baby and yourself, and that you're ready. Ask any teen mother, and they'll tell you, if they could go back and do it all over again, they'd have tried to delay having a child til they were older. I have lots of friends who had kids at 14/15/16 and they love their kids to death, but they're just kids too...they're missing out on a lot in life, and it hurts them. A baby changes everything so much. I really really would wait if I were you, because once you have a baby, you cant turn around and decide you dont want it anymore and go back to living life the way you did before it was born. You have to take care of it and raise it, no matter what. Make sure you're ready for that, and 100% positive you want a baby, because if anything, you owe it to your future child.
Thanks alot. That really helps I guess I'll wait a while, a long while before I have a kid. I understand that a human baby is not going to be the babydoll that I played with as a kid and dumped in my closet at night, but I guess I just think a child would drown out some of my problems but it probably will make them worse. So thanks alot for your concern I really do appriciate it.
I also had my child pretty young. and yes I did love him but it made things harder than I relized they would be. There will be times you want to do things and cant do them. also I relized I wasnt as good of a mother as I am now that im older. I would support my child if this happened yes but be disapointed also. Im sure your mother would be upset becouse she wants the best for you. Alot of girls your age want babies I did at that age also. Its a normal feeling I believe. Its ok to feel that way. Maybe you could try doing some babysitting for someone. That may help you relize your not ready for a baby plus give you the time to be with and take care of a baby like your needing.. hope this helps. good luck.
Actually I take care of my little godsister as if shes my own she was born when I was thirteen and I've really been taking care of her everysince, because her mother is a deadbeat. She is really bad, and sometimes she stresses me out but on the same note she is like my best friend, she is extremely sweet and she is so beautiful and I know shes not going to be this little toddler forever, and that kind of makes me want a baby, maybe to replace her
There is no job out there that is harder or more demanding than being a parent!!! There is much more to it than loving your child and being loved by your child.

I had my 1st child when I was 18 and my 2nd at 23. I was married during all of this and still am. My point in this that parenting a child for me and my husband is even hard. It takes both incomes to support our we have a child with a disability! Most teenage girls don't think of that possibility (of having a child with any disabilities, learning disorders, etc). Ask any parent out there if being a parent is easy! It isn't.

You are only a teenager once. Enjoy your teenage years while they are still with you. Focus on your education. Go to college. You have many adult years ahead of you to start a family. Please don't cut your teenage years short. I've seen that happen to many girls and they do one thing...............struggle.
Go to college, get a job, find a good man to marry then have children. I had a baby at 16, it was hard, and he was a good baby, no health problems, no colic or anything. It's hard because that baby is your responsibility, if you want to go to the mall the baby goes, if you want to go to a movie, to a party etc you can't always because baby sitters cost money, parents aren't always willing to baby sit. Honestly why do you think the baby will solve your problems? a baby doesn't deserve to be brought into the crap you are going through now. Who would the father be? chances are this child would grow up without a fater, can you explain that to your child, why you chose to have a baby while still in school, a messed up life, no father, no will you get to a good place in your life if you have a baby to worry about? Life is so much easier without kids, your young, you have so much time left to have a's so much better to wait. I don't regret having my son, i love all of my kids more than anything, but it's hard as hell, you can't sleep in when you want, you can't go out when you want, you can't buy things for yourself that you want because the childs needs come before the parents. need to love yourself and be happy with your life before you can bring a child into that. You may think it's the best thing...but trust me it's not. It'll be the best thing when you can support a baby emotionaly and finiacially.
You really should wait. I got pregnant at 18, I am 20 now with my 6 month old DD. I got pregnant on the birth control pill, we were always VERY careful if I ever missed a pill, even by a few hours, we would use condoms, but nothing is 100%.
We had so many plans for our life, my BF and I. We had moved away from home only to have to go back to live with his parents so we could go to school and make a life for us and our daughter. Our money situation is not the greatest, but we get by. Don't get me wrong I love my baby, and I know I wouldn't take back the fact that we had her, but it puts a lot of things on hold. We had planned on getting married, going to collage, and making a life for ourselves, before we had children. Now we've had to take 2 years off between school so we can afford to pay for our child, and have to spend 4 years living with his parents so we can finnish school. And we are living common law because we have yet to get married because we simply can't afford it now.So it really doesnt give you independence. Not to mention the fact that there is ALWAYS someone there telling us how to raise our child.
I really hope you can put of having a child untill you are truely ready. I know I wasn't. They really are a blessing, but do take a lot of care, and they compleatly change everything. I have a lot of support and still it can be very stressful. Be careful in what you choose and know what you are getting yourself into. It's not as easy as mothers make it look.
My post will come from a purely selfish point of view I guess. I remember how I felt when I got pregnant at 17 and had my daughter at 18. Things were fine at first as there is romance that comes with a newborn baby. Everything was tiny, new, and most of all... Mine. No one could take her from me and she gave unconditional love. How romantic is that. I was not mature enough at 18 to have a baby and found myself angry at her for being tired all of the time, or not having any money because it all went to diapers and formula. Then I would jump back and realize that none of that was her fault. There is no way to describe the constant height of emotions when you are a very young mother.

My friends all told me that nothing would change but things did. What did we have in common now? They werent going to invite me to go out at the last minute when it meant that I had to find a sitter. Taking her with me was not an option so they eventually stopped asking. I had dropped out of school because I was so sick during my pregnancy. I swore I would never do it but throwing up daily until I was 6 months pregnant made going to class impossible. So after I quit, we couldnt even talk about the school day. I couldnt relate when they talked about prom or buying thier caps and gowns.

By the time I was 21, I was wild. I didnt get to enjoy my teenage years so I was going to have some fun. This meant finding a sitter usually someone in the family. I told myself that since it was family, things were fine. Now she is 12 and I can say that nothing takes the place of your mother!! Somehow through all of my going out, we got disconnected. There are memories she has of her early childhood that I dont share because she wasnt with me. Family got together and raised her collectively.

When she was 5, I remarried and am still happily married. The problem has been that I have had to work overtime to reconnect with her. My family had so much to do with her raising that I still knock heads with them when it comes to her sometimes. They feel they have a say in everything.

My daugher lived like a gypsy bouncing from house to house so I could take the time out to find myself. This was something that should have been done, could have been done when I was younger had I only realized it and held on to it.

I would never trade my daughter but I would give anything to go back and erase so many things. Right now is your time... use it, enjoy it, and take your memories from it. Dont make a child pay for the young adulthood you gave up. Good luck
Mommyof4.........I bet that took a lot of courage for you to post! Even though you've made mistakes, it isn't too late to try to make it up to your daughter. If anyone out there can get through to these teenage girls who want to be's you. Your story is exactly what these girls need to read! Being a mother is a full time job and there are a lot of children out there who suffer because of "kids having kids". It isn't too late for you. Your daughter is only 12. I'm sure that in time you will have a wonderful relationship with her and she'll understand. Good luck to you and I commend you for your bravery to tell your story!!!
I must concur with the others...honey, enjoy being a kid while you still can! Because you're only going to be one once. My boyfriend of one year has nagged me about having kids many times, but I know how much trouble they are - more than they're worth in my opinion. I've had to baby-sit my little cousin many times; while she's quite well behaved for a child her age (she's was 3 at the time, now she's 4), she still really got under my nails. Some kids are so hyperactive, or could have health problems.

And what if your baby did have a health problem or a mental problem? Would you try and get it the care it needs or would you put it up for adoption because you couldn't afford the proper care? I'm not a parent, but I know enough about kids to discourage me from ever having them.

Now I'm not saying you shouldn't have kids...just wait a while. You said you would, and that's a wise decision. A lot of teenage girls say they are willing to have a baby at an age as young as 13, but they don't consider the circumstances of caring for it: food, clothing, supplies, medical care, toys, babysitters. It all costs money. And if you aren't old enough to get a job and the father runs out on you, you've got some major problems!

But it's a sage choice to wait before having kids.


Dark Stranger - would rather have cats than kids
Hi I'm 21 years old and I have 2 children. I am some what like mommyof4. I got pregnant with my son when I was 17. I thought it would be okay because I had been with his dad since I was 14. I was wrong. Shortly after my son was born I left his dad because he wouldn't settle down. At first it was great. New baby, tiny everything, and lots of attention. By the time he was about 4 months I started going out with friends and working all the time. My mom babysat him all the time. It turned into an every day thing. Although I love my son and I never denied him I wasn't there for him.

I had my daughter when I was 20. She is 4 months now. We live back at home with my parents and she adores me. I work full time and I'm trying to go to college part time. I don't see any friends. I don't go out. My life revolves around my children and work and school. Even though I wouldn't give them up for the world I still wish I would've waited.

As for my son: We have a very strong bond now. He'll be 3 in February. I will never get back the time I missed with him and he will probably always favor my mom over me but that's something I'm dealing with.

It is very hard raising children. Especially when you're young. My advice to any teenager wanting a baby would be to wait. For your sake and the babies. Live your life now, go out and have fun, babies will come don't worry, when you're good and ready.
I would have waited also. I was 17 yo when I became pregnant with my son. I was smitten in puppy love with his father and wanted nothing more than to have a child with him. Nothing seemed better at the time. Reality soon kicked in when by the time my son was born I was already a single mom. Here are just a handful things off the top of my head of why I would have waited...

-I am currently going to college full-time, and only having time to study when my son is sleeping.. I usually go to bed everynight between 12 - 2 am.. and then start the day all over again at 6am.

-I want to go camping with my friends on a spur of the moment whim. I barely have friends anymore. I barely have time to call a friend.. not to mention see one. All of my friends are doing the young and free thing.

- I want to travel the world.. go backpacking across europe with my bestfriend.

-I can not remember the last time I bought myself some new clothes. I use to wear all the trendiest clothes and fashion styles. Since I had my son... diapers and daycare are so expensive that I get all of my clothes at the second hand store now.

The only way I can afford to go to college is if I live at home with my parents. My parents are an extreme case of caring parents. On Sunday's they babysit so I can get some studying done. I think my son loves my mom more than he loves me at times. If I did not have my parents.. I do not think I could go to school.

Anyways.. I know you get the point. I just want to let you know there is a lot of time for kids. Find a good husband, buy a house, have a career, and then have kids. I am in a frenzy to establish all of that now.. .and my poor son is the one that is suffering.
let me just add...
i am a 19 year old with a 10 mo. old baby girl.....who i planned.
i was 3 months preg. my senoir year of high school.
i missed my senior trip and prom becuase i chose to have a baby.
i can not go to college because i refuse to put my child in day care or have my family baby sit all the time.
i chose to have her and i am going to be her mother, end of story.
i was a carefree teen.
in just the 10 months my daughter has been here i have been diagnosed with OCD(obsessive compulsive disorder) GAD (generalized anziety disorder) and mild depression.
i have been in therpy but i can no longer go becuse i have no health insurance.
i thought, "how nice it will be to have someone love you unconditionally all the time" well your child will but when my friends went off to college i got up at 12am to feed 2am to feed and change 4 am to comfort 6am again and again......i was so tired i would just cry and cry because i wanted to sleep, just some freaking sleep was that to much to ask?
well yes it was of a newborn baby who needs a mother not a child to raise it.

the babies father and i are doing well, got married, live on our own, but that doesnt come easy, we have to try to raise this child together, he works 6-7 days a week at a plant (which he hates) but he does it for us.
i did graduate but he didnt get to, he had another year of HS but had to quit and work full time becuse i was preg. and SICK, so sick in fact that i had to quit my part time job. we lived on 600 dollars a month with no governmental help......and yes we paid all our bills, but there would be times we had very little food in the house.
thankfully things are much better finacially, but again it comes at a cost, he has to work everyday at a job he hates.
and boy did i have to grow up fast....i went from play dates with the friends to play groups with the baby. i used to carry a cute little purse, now i carry a fully stocked diaper bag.
went from mixing vodka and orange juice to water and baby formula.....
my how life has changed.

i am an excellent mother and my theripist agrees but i had to totally change my life around in order to be as good as i am, it wasnt easy.

i cant say that if i had it to do over again i wouldnt have had her because i love her and i wanted her then and i want and need her now, but i feel God would have saved her for me had i chose to wait....God will save you a little angel if you wait too. then you can give that child everything it needs and deserves!
Kapera X - You've been given some very good advice here. I hope you will take it to heart and accept it in the spirit in which it was given. There is a natural course for life's events, and when that course is followed (namely, maturity, love, marriage, and then kids), it greatly increases the chances for happiness and success. When you try to put one step ahead of the others, it greatly increases the chances of hardship, unhappiness, and ultimate failure.

I would echo the advice given to you and wish you the best!


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