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Parenting Issues Message Board


Parenting Issues Board Index


[COLOR=Blue]Hi
I'm not a parent either and am single, but I've worked with a lot of people who were parents to teenagers and I thought perhaps some of that info might be of some use to you.
I think you should chat with your son. If he already knows that you are easy to talk to when it comes to sex/growing up, or at least that it is your aim to be, I can't see why you as a parent should have a problem or consider it a point of uneasiness to talk to him in the first place.
One tip I learned from a mother with a teenage son is that with ANYTHING in life, BALANCE is the key. She told us that she always brought that message up now and then with her sons. One day she heard her son repeating it to someone else. She knew that somewhere along the line her input helped and he learned by her counsel. [/COLOR]
[COLOR=Blue]Depending how you approach the issue with your son depends on how digestable the sex-talk will be. I think you should talk matter-of-factly and --if you have helpful advice--relate back to how things were when u were a kid -- if it's gonna help him. After that you can ask him some questions make the conversation turn into dialogue. Well, it's normal to masturbate (and you might want to re-affirm that), but what you DO with it and how FAR you go is another !! As a female, I suggest that you even mention to him how girls can feel second rate if their partner used porn-- but maybe that's where your wife might step in....she might even just accidentally fall onto the subject while watching a movie at an appropriate scene....?
Whatever your morals are, a kids will most likely be one step lower. If your moral threshold is higher, kids will go lower. Kids experiment. If he does experiment, tell him not to stay there but to make sure it's a passing phase. That kind of tolerance or mentality could prove destructive if he hasn't learnt to use his own discernment yet according to the circumstances at hand (for example what about drugs? It's okay to experiment but don't STAY there?). (By the way, no pun intended -''at hand''.)
Another thing I learnt from Dr Phil, is that you can't always be your son's best friend. Trying to achive the status of being best freinds can compromise your responsibilty of being a mentor and father in some situations. You can't always pat him on the back and laugh when he does something wrong, can you? Another thing I learnt from church -- sometimes love is tough. Sometimes it has a backbone and spine and needs to speak out in order to help or save someone. Not that I'm trying to sound hefty since this post is all about porn and masturbation.... but I thought I'd drop that in to go with the 'overall' thing.
Not sure if I helped, but the bottom line is, your kid knows you love him, so if you're confident of that, he'll grow up knowing he has an awesome father. --Not all kids have that. God knows I didn't !

Regards,

[COLOR=Magenta]dreamchick[/COLOR][/COLOR] :wave:
[COLOR=Blue]P.S - You'll see who your son turns out to be and what values he is most likely to adopt by the friends he hangs around. Kids need to know that THEY should PICK their friends, not the other way round. I am glad that I knew that when I was a teenager. It saved me from so much trouble - unfortunately my brother didn't 'pick' his crowd.[/COLOR]





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