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Parenting Issues Message Board

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Re: I Am So Mad!
Oct 17, 2004
KSavage, Just wanted to apologize for my post. I was having a very bad day that day. My dog (whom I've had for 10 1/2 years) got hit. She's okay-scraped up and still limping pretty bad-but she's alive.
Unfortunately-for some dumb reason- we had our house built a quarter mile from my abusive father. After my dog got hit- I thought she was trying to get sick in the house-and I thought she was faking the limp -which she often does for attention (I didn't know at this point that she had gotten hit- I didn't find that out till later, when hubby called and told me a friend from work had accidently hit her that morning). Anyhow, when I made her go outside, she went to my parents house. I went over to get her that night. When I posted, I had just came back from there. I was severely aggitated by everything at that point (I hate going to parents house when dad is there). That gave me no right to take it out on you though.Just seeing my dad rattles me-which is awful...but true. It takes alot to get me upset-but one visit with him and I'm there! When we put our house in, I was thinking about two things....the great school district (which I found out isn't great anymore), and I would be close incase mom needed me. I still can't figure out why I want to help mom- she never helped me when I was growing up. Of course, I think it also goes back to the hold that our abusers have on us also.

Needless to say-hine sights 20 20. If I would have realised ahead of time, what this "closeness" would have done to me- It never would have happened. We have been talking about moving, but now, its going to be hard because our money situation has many dr bills and meds. Plus our opinions differ on where to move. And I know hubbys right- we can't move too far from his work-we need the medical insurance. I think the best thing for me would be to move at least a couple hundred miles away.
But, we can't. If we move- It won't be over 20 miles away.

As far as my hubby goes, he hasn't been physical with me for almost two years. I left him and refused to take him back until he went into counceling. At that point, I still wasn't going to take him back, but I found out that I was VERY ill, and that I was pregnant. On top of the fact that I suffered from severe depression and anxiety, had two ADHD kids (one with asthma, and one legally blind). He is a good father-when he is around the kids-which isn't much. He has never hurt the kids. And anytime he hurt me- they were sleeping or gone. Now, he's gone even more-helping everyone BUT me and the kids. And I'm feeling upset about it, because he did the counceling, and I took him back with the understanding that his kids needed him, and with my illness, which makes you very severely tired- I would need him more then ever. After all I went thru with him- I don't feel I love him like a wife should. I am very distant from him. But I also know my health is going. The doctors can not cure what I have. If and When the time comes, I will have a liver transplant. The doctor said the transplant may make me better- or it may kill me. Who knows. But I do know my kids need their dad. I am also pre diabetic, and have issues with my thyroid,scoliosis,degeneration of the spine,migranes,and I'm sure if they checked me-I would have osteoperosis (bones break easy and have alot of bone pain). I also have had 3 or 4 EKGs that showed abnormal. I'm sure this has something to do with the crushing painful breathing that comes and goes. And bloodwork keeps coming back abnormal. I haven't talked to my doc about that yet- right now I'm trying to work on one issue at a time. Most peoples bodies wait till their older to give up. Mine hasn't.

Again, I am very sorry for getting upset. Talk with ya later.

ladyshy :bouncing:

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