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Re: Teens Drinking
May 5, 2005
Wow....Heartland I can't even begin to tell you how good it was to receive your post. :D It's really great having a friend like you who has been through all this......I am so hoping that all that I am doing will have a great payback but I'll tell you sometimes it all takes it's tol on me. I mean just the other day while telling K. that she will understand all that is happening between us when she has her own child her comment was....."I don't see myself ever having children because I am too selfish a person to be able to have them!!!!" My mouth dropped :eek:

When we were discussing college Tom actually blurted out.....well we may have to kick in a little more right in front of K. I was just saying that if she wants a particular college and it goes beyond what we have saved she may have to come out with a student loan....I explained to her how working towards something and doing it on your own sometimes is better than just having it handed to you and that while her dad feels that we may have to kick in some more it is not the best thing to do for any of us because it will take away from our retirement and also not give her the feeling of owning something of her future and of her very own. I told her that I didn't want to deny her that. As a matter of fact......I see D.'s promising to stay home from college for a car as something she may regret in the future. Yes.....going away to college is priceless and something I feel is in K's best interest especially since she wants her freedom so much. And year we will have to allow her the opportunity to have that freedom with some difficult as it may be for this mom.

[QUOTE=Heartland]Yes and No… You are in the minority but you’re not crazy. Good parents must teach their kids stewardship but most choose to bribe them in hopes of buying their love. Whether it’s remodeling or raising kids, it’s the dirty work that makes enduring beauty possible. Shortcuts eventually reveal themselves when little can be done except to “hit bottom” and start over. Your delayed gratification from properly raising fine young ladies will be very sweet, my friend. You are producing fine diamonds… you know that takes time and effort but the results are breathtaking.[/QUOTE] How do I know that this will be???? I know I'm going through such painful efforts here and you & Stacy always seem to be so sure of this but why can't I???? I sure hope this is so but can't help but wonder if it's all possible :confused:

[QUOTE=Heartland]One point you need to address that you didn’t mention here is how to make sure K makes studying her priority over partying. Countless great high school students become huge partiers when they gain their first taste of freedom in college, away from their “controlling” parents. K’s comments and actions make her a candidate… unless you transition her freedom before she leaves for college. The least likely of our kids had this problem so I’m talking from experience, my friend. You should start thinking about this now. BTW… Tom’s plan will only delay the inevitable for two years so it’s not really a solution for this particular problem.[/QUOTE] I couldn't agree more, my friend. K. has already expressed openly her excitement in partying.....and i have commented on how we wil only back her financially once in terms of a college education and that all financial help will cease if she doesn't keep up her grrades. She told us that no one will be looking at grades.....that she will pass but that you only live once and that her college life will not be all studying. She states that in the end whether it's and A or a C average.....the degree will not show the grade but that she earned it. That is her thinking.....she wants to live and experiment life and didin't we all so I can't kncok it. But I do share with her how one bad choice could kill you and you may not be able to live another day...and she says but I would've lived each day enjoying it. I try to instill in her how when we are young we all think that we are invincible but that she can be smart & have fun at the same time. Oh Heartland....why is it all so scarey????

I must say that your support means the world to you know being a mother is the most important thing to me and being a good one is so hard to be.'s not something we can go to college for but it is the most difficult and yet I guess somehow the most rewarding job.....I just am anxious to see all the rewards......haven't been able to see those lately.

Tom & I told the girls after this vacation that next time we may just leave them behind because of how hurt we felt in how they just seemed to discard us as if we were the plague. My younger daughter who up to now has caused us very little grief.....spent the entire time with the Mexican staff of 17-28 year old men.....we were getting hang up calls to our room and couldn't tell the girls enough how they had to be careful about how much info they give to these guys....that they were in a foreign country & could be raped and taken advantage of. But they are so much like their mom in the sense of wanting to get to know differrent people.....but they are so naive and think they know it all and leave it up to me to have to tell them scarey things. I hate that part of it....but these guys were asking how old they were & that my girsl were tacking on a few years......oh my oh my I am not crazy about all this. She.....E., my younger daughter cried hysterically the last night over how much she was going to miss these Mexican friends that she spent 2 weeks with working the days doing yoga and running all the resort activities as if she worked there too....oh what's a mom to youngest had a blast working at the resort rather than vacationing there.....does that make any sense???? And now I feel guilty for the way we told the girls that we may not vacation again with them......eeeeek :eek:

I guess on Mother's Day we will talk about it.....I do feel guilty for saying anything that may have them thinking that we would ever feel as if we didn't want them around on family vacations or otherwise.....although there are times that I really do :D the guilt....oh Goody doesn't do well with guilt. :nono:

Thanks...Heartland, as usual you have helped more than I can ever say.....Goody :angel:
Re: Teens Drinking
Aug 11, 2005
Okay...I know that you must be in enough torment waiting for what's next. And I can almost guarantee that you are not going to be disappointed. :D

Soooo, this morning we headed out to Univ of DE (which will be UOD for now on) It was an hour and a half drive from my brother's. As we arrived to the visitor's parking lot, K. led us to the admisson's building she took a beaten path through some ground cover a few steps ahead and looked as if she belonged there. (K. had already attended the tour that my brother dropped her off at only a week prior) Anyway we attended a slide presentation that spoke of their wonderful Hotel/Restaurant Management Program in which 100% of graduates were employed within 6 months of graduation, the LIFE Engineering Program, the Nursing Program etc. We were then separated into groups for the tour. Our group was assigned a tour guide who was a sophomore student going into his junior year named Brandon. He told us that he had looked for a great music program somewhere on the East coast and was extremely happy with UOD. When I asked him if he was from California he said....."No, I'm from the Midwest from the friendly state of Nebraska!!" (A good sign) I smiled and told him that one of my best friends lived there. :D
Half our group called him Brad and I couldn't hel but wonder if that could be your son's name. He also shared with us how Nebraska has the best teachers but the pay is so low compared to the east cost. He also said that there are shortages of jobs.

We proceeded through the tour and the more we saw the more I fell in love with the college. I even kidded with K. how I might consider enrolling in their graduate program, that I had heard of many mom's attending college with their daughters and perhaps we could room together. :eek: Of course that went over well ;) Anyway....Brandon & I got along really well....I asked lots of questions and even took a risk of asking him what made him decide to attend UOD vs. other colleges. He went on to say that he really liked how UOD took the money they got & used it for improvements of whatever needed to be done no matter how limited enrollment they had within a given area. He had pointed out how they were in the process of buiding a new music buiding with an amplitheatre designed by the same architect who designed the Philharmonic centers in NYC & Phila******a. He said he had a band and he played in Phila******a. He went on to say that another big reason that he chose to attend UOD was because his "uncle" worked at the University and at least he would have one family member close by. (Another good sign ;) )

The campus was very up to date with state of the art technology.....everything was clean and well maintained. It was a large campus but not the largest around. The dorms were nicer and the atmosphere was friendly....I felt right at home there as K. did.

We ended our tour with Brandon and headed over to the Hotel/Restaurant management building where we had a meeting scheduled with an advisor. We ran late for the meeting and were placed in with another family (we were hoping to have our own private one). The boy interested was also Brandon and as we met the opportunity arose for K. to talk about her Gold award which they all were quite impressed with. We were pressed for time in having to get back for our dog through NYC traffic and Tom excused himself to get the car leaving me to ask final questions. We came to a point in which the advisor explained how the High School counselor's input would be considered. I explained that with K. she had just decided that she wanted this program and college so much that she had just made the decision, after having spent the summer here as a mother's helper for her uncle, to finish up her last year of High School in Delaware since her Uncle/Godfather resided here believing it would increase her chances of being accepted. I went on to explain how these past 2 nights were quite painful for my husband & I in deciding to support K. with this decision. The room fell silent as they looked at my tear filled eyes and the advisor went on to say how touched she was to hear that and Brandon's mother said that she admired my ability to do so since she would not be able to. We talked a little bit more...the advisor told K. how impressed she was with her and her community service and overall decision in taking a risk to pursue her dreams. I apologized for our need to leave sooner than we would like and told the advisor that we would be returning for the Open House in October and asked if we could followup with her at that time. She happily agreed and we were on our way.

K. feel a sleep and I shared my snuggling session with Tom and how I had felt the pain in seeing K. melding so successfully into my brother's family and treating him with more respect etc. than we ever saw. We both agreed that this was quite normal and Tom shared with me that he was feeling as hurt as I was in the whole process. But we both agreed that after spendng the past few days visiting the High School and UOD, that the decision we had made was the right one. The signs were all there.

BTW.....I shared with K. the signs that I saw of UOD being the right choice and of her decision being a good one as well. And you happened to be mentioned as being part of this......K. shared with me how she believed in signs too and that her signs were saying the same thing.

[QUOTE=heartlandguy] I think you made an excellent choice of gifts for K… something that hangs from the neck but is carried by the heart. :angel: You shared a major moment in both of your lives… one that will never be forgotten. It certainly marks K’s crossing of the bridge into adulthood and I know she’ll treasure your thoughtful memento. Too bad your mom didn’t witness the moment.[/QUOTE] I added another special gift...I took K. into the Bookstore at UOD and had her pick out a sweatshirt as an incentive towards making her dream come true. :bouncing:

~ Goody :wave:

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